35 and Older Accountability Group

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by artifact, Nov 24, 2018.

  1. Didn't make it this time, but thanks for the encouragement. Seems like whenever I make vows of success they are always followed with a relapse. It's like my addiction is punching me in the face or something. I truly wish I could be free of this endless cycle of P and M. Oh well, starting over.
     
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  2. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    This is very true for me. Whenever i look back and say to myself 'Wow! I haven't M'd or look ad P for a while!', it's usually soon after that i surely fall. I am at that point now in my journey. All i think about is lustful imagery. Disgustingly beautiful and very dangerous. I could fall at any moment and have had several very close calls these past few days. I anticipate sin in the future but not today.
     
  3. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    Damn. Fighting on but this battle is fierce. Almost broke today.
     
  4. JJ_Kino

    JJ_Kino Fapstronaut

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    I know it's hard bro, I've seen those dizzy heights before and it's tough but you're stronger so keep going , you've got this!
     
  5. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

  6. Circleinthesquare

    Circleinthesquare Fapstronaut

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  7. David2018

    David2018 Fapstronaut

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    At least it's just a dream! I knew someone that quit smoking for many years but had dreams where he ruined it by smoking by accident.
     
  8. GtnHrdAgn1

    GtnHrdAgn1 Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone, I'm Matt. I joined this group and then went off the map, tried to go it alone and that has gone about as well as you'd imagine. I'm hoping to get connected here and actually get this BS behind me. I'm 36, married, no kids. PMO has been a problem for probably 20yrs or more but I never really connected the dots that this was at the root of years of PIED, emotional distance from my wife, and other issues I've had for years.

    Anyway, just wanted to introduce myself and say how grateful I am that there are other guys out there who are figuring this out and getting better, hope to be joining you to do the same.
     
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  9. Merry Terry

    Merry Terry Fapstronaut

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    Checking in here. After almost a month of flatlining, no erections and hardly a thought to anything sexual, I'm thinking a lot about sex again and I have spend the last week with too much looking at Youtube videos that I absolutely should not be looking at. I managed to not M to it, but damn, I'm really preparing for a full relapse here, which is the last thing I want. So I have to stop doing that.
     
  10. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    I too notice that the content i view online becomes less and even less modest the longer my streak is. This will definitely lead to relapse as it is symbolically taking baby-steps away from recovery. All it takes is one overly sexualized video to be enough to say "F' it, i've practically relapsed anyway so why not finish the job and start over". It doesn't have to be porn though just enough to get me to give in. Relapse awaits. All it takes is the agreement to follow through with it. Don't do it.
     
  11. tonyk1982

    tonyk1982 Fapstronaut

    Day 34 - I had a real challenge yesterday, big emotional upset with the wife. I wanted to sneak away and escape from my pain with a PMO session. I managed to avoid acting out. I PM'd a comrade here; wrote a lengthy note about what I was going through and that helped break the urge, and avoid the old pattern of addict behavior. All I needed was a few minutes to re-orient my brain, and kick the addict out of my head. realize what the consequences would be if I went down that same awful path again. Writing my feelings down gave me the time and space to get right. Thank you friend. Thank you all. Stay strong.
     
  12. tonyk1982

    tonyk1982 Fapstronaut

    Interesting commonality here. Thanks for providing awareness of this potentiality and what could happen. Almost complacency - like we don't need to be concerned with staying sober anymore. I'd see this as my addict brain slowly setting up camp - "preparing for a full relapse" - and waiting to takeover my logical brain when I am tired, stressed, or triggered, or bored or whatever tf the weak spot is at the opportune moment. Get back to basics. Stay strong.
     
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  13. Merry Terry

    Merry Terry Fapstronaut

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    Yes, thanks for the reminder. I’ve had that same order of things so iften. I really want to do it differently this time. So back to a much fiercer watching policy and I’m gonna remind myself over and over why I need to do that.
     
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  14. Merry Terry

    Merry Terry Fapstronaut

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    That’s a great image, of the addict brain setting up camp, getting ready to strike when the time is right. Also because that’s totally how it works. Hopefully being aware of it this time will help me to raise my defenses high enough.
     
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  15. Pirate3819

    Pirate3819 Fapstronaut

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    I will try to incorporate this. Thank you
     
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  16. Circleinthesquare

    Circleinthesquare Fapstronaut

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    Tuesday morning checkin
     
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  17. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    Obsession clouds the brain and there is no room for anything else. This is what feeds the urge to grow. Continuing this behavior, the obsession grows stronger and so do the urges until it seems there is no other option and relief must be sought. At this point relapse is practically inevitable and white-knuckle abstinence is the only thing holding back relapse. Stop the obsession, stop feeding the bad wolf. It can't grow if i don't feed it.
     
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  18. That is a great image. That's what happened to me. The p-subs have always led me toward p, not away from it. In a sense, p-subs are p because the brain is in that place.
     
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  19. Hey Matt, I could have written this same thing. Married, no kids, PIED, PMO for 20 years. I never connected the dots either until I found this website. I knew I wanted to stop PMO but didn't realize how it can affect other areas of your life. Bummer that it's so hard to beat but it's good that there are places like this where people are learning and trying.
     
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  20. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    I have to be honest about something: i know i'm going to break, eventually. Not today, probably not tomorrow or anytime in the near future but someday not too far away from today it's going to happen. I have accepted this and have kind of planned it out. I just don't want it to happen now. This way i can postpone my fall for some time while i continue working out and gaining strength. So that means it will most likely be in 2021 sometime, i'm guessing January maybe but who knows. At least it won't be today. My grand scheme is to go back to M for a while and quit again, as hard as that may be for me to do. From there the cycle begins again only this time for a longer duration. My timeline is January through February then quit for the duration of the year and do it all over again sort of like a cyclical release. This way i don't have to focus on today all that much. I know eventually it will happen. I just hate it when i give in on the drop of a hat and then i'm like 'wtf just happened?' By the way i'm really fucking horny lately. Sorry had to put that out there.
     

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