35 and Older Accountability Group

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by artifact, Nov 24, 2018.

  1. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    Today i found a place that makes egg sandwiches using whole grain bread. A street vendor usually has rolls or bagels. But i was fortunate enough to have this vendor close to where i work. Now i can make the healthier decision. Instead of 2 eggs on a roll or bagel, i now have 2 egg whites on whole grain bread.

    This is a healthy adjustment. I have been greatly reducing fat from my diet. I have constructed a personal nutrition guideline to monitor calories, fat, carbs and protein.
    Along with exercise, proper diet is necessary.

    My goal is to lose 15 pounds (7kg?)
    within 90 days. I believe this is possible and that i will definitely be able to achieve it.

    I have further goals i will not speak of yet. However i did weigh 185 back in 2015, even 170 a year prior (it was very unhealthy though. I starved myself).

    My overall goal is to find a healthy balance and fitness level.

    What does this have to do with NoFap? Everything.

    If can abstain from PMO, i can change my behavior in other areas of my life using the same principals.

    So far so good today.
  2. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    Definitely. Ride the urge and enjoy the lust. It's better than giving in. I'm horny all the time and the energy fuels me to act out productively, like at the gym.

    Today i am concerned with my body image. I have to admit, to myself as well, that i did use food to help cope with PMO urges. Today i am looking to change that behavior as well.

    For me 90 days was what it took. I do not look at P or M and haven't since i started this latest endeavor. I am however, craving O (i can't believe i wrote this and left it) but that's to be expected. That's where the fire comes from. Only this time i do not fan the flames of lust with P, and i abstain from M to keep the fire burning longer. Feels great.

    More honestly, i will be having O in my life eventually. There is no place for P.

    M is up for debate but is not an option today. A mentally healthier alternative is currently being contemplated, one that does not require me to fuck my hand.

    But that's for another day.

    Reboot is priority. End of story.
  3. magvor

    magvor Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    Checking in
    artifact and Jerky like this.
  4. Merry Terry

    Merry Terry Fapstronaut

    Checking in here. I hope you're doing well. I'm in my longest streak of this year, but sadly I have been taking peeks again at some bad stuff at Youtube in the last 2 weeks - though never M'ing to it. So I've gotta root that habit out again, if I wanna avoid a relapse.
  5. You're doing great. I would love to see 45 days again.
    GottaBFree, Merry Terry and NICEDUDE like this.
  6. Feeling pretty good these last couple days. 3 days strong. I gotta remember how math works: 1+1+1+1+1+1...and on. You can't cheat it so it's always the present moment that counts. Time takes care of itself.
    Timber, tonyk1982, GottaBFree and 2 others like this.
  7. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    I've been flatlined lately. No drive, no desire. I even skipped a few gym days.

    I have changed my food schedule.
    I'm going to the gym tonight.

    Something i've noticed:
    My friend has a cat who is not spayed. Occasionally, the cat will have mega urges and rub all over anything and everyone. Some days the cat is 'in the mood' and some days not. It seems that the urge to mate is cyclical. It is not constant. It passes and returns.

    I had a revelation: All of my urges will pass. I will not be horny all the time. I will not have to constantly battle myself. I will have occasional reprieves. All i have to do is wait it out and use the lust energy productively.

    It's when the urges hit that i have the opportunity to act on them or use the energy another way.

    This makes total sense to me. Energy waves and lulls. Ride the wave and rest, the ebb and flow of sexual desire.

    Could the moon affect the timing of the urges? I will have to study the calendar and post my findings.

    Stay tuned!
  8. Pirate3819

    Pirate3819 Fapstronaut

    I relapsed today. Hopefully, I can get back in the driver seat again.
    GottaBFree, artifact and Jerky like this.
  9. tonyk1982

    tonyk1982 Fapstronaut

    Day 60 - thank you nofap community for helping me get to 60 days clean. Given the countless times I tried to quit on my own and instead succumbed to a PMO addiction for 30+ years, the benefits of this site cannot be underestimated. My debt of gratitude is immense so I commit to being a helpful member of the group. Stay strong.
    Timber, magvor, GottaBFree and 3 others like this.
  10. emanuel_free

    emanuel_free Fapstronaut

    Hi everybody hope you're all ok ! Just checking in.
    GottaBFree, artifact and Jerky like this.
  11. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    Definitely flatline today. I almost wish i could be wildly aroused but i just don't feel the urge. I should be grateful.

    I definitely have the energy, but not so much the 'fire of lust' where my burning fantasies come to life in my mind as i'm hulking weight at the gym. I went last night after taking a week off. Maybe that's what happened. My exercise endeavor has quelled my urges. I do know this to be true. After a workout session, i no longer have any urges, similar to a post-O recession.

    I will be going back to the gym, however, today will be cardio only. I do need to incorporate rest sessions.

    I am grateful for the opportunity to go to the gym and be able to do anything.. And i am grateful for a reprieve from my diabolical urges.

    No expectations. Just gratitude for today
    Timber, Merry Terry, magvor and 3 others like this.
  12. @Adam123 - we have an opening for you in the group. Please reply to this comment if you are still interested in joining.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  13. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    Hey gents. Hope the weekend treated everyone well. I'm still stumbling forward.
  14. magvor

    magvor Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    Morning all, checking in. I'm pretty sure that I was almost getting some urges after waking up today, but I ignored them and they've completely gone - as if it never happened. Feels a bit surreal. Weird.
    Jerky likes this.
  15. tonyk1982

    tonyk1982 Fapstronaut

    Moment by moment awareness is key. Neither past nor present matters. Keep up the good work!
    Jerky likes this.
  16. tonyk1982

    tonyk1982 Fapstronaut

    Good to see you back on track. Keep up the good work!
    GottaBFree and Jerky like this.
  17. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    Lately i can't feel anything. I want to be aroused but i lack the motivation. I try to fantasize but i get distracted easily. I feel desexualized. I have energy but it seems to be reserved. I know it's there and can use it when i need to but it is not 'prompting' me to use it.

    I am going to the gym tonight after work but i have to go home first, since i forgot my gym clothes (wtf?)
    at home. I also forgot my earpiece.
    Maybe i'm supposed to go to the gym near my house? I usually go to the gym near work. I had to buy a replacement earpiece. Got a good one real cheap! Bargains make up for the unmanageability. Just for today.

    I am scatterbrained for a reason. Like being overtired, i am overstimulated. I can't even 'think off', it's really frustrating. I have absolutely no desire to keep my 'January "free-hand" reservation', however i will be adjusting my goals at least for a time.

    Since i can't get a good 'thought process' going, i am considering eliminating fantasizing altogether, (as this is just mental masturbation anyway), in addition, i have started 'ignoring' women i find attractive. I know this works to promote abstinence for me. I don't ignore anyone in a rude way, i just don't look at them or try to make eye contact when passing by.

    Basically what i'm saying in this long-winded essay is that i am not happy, and though grateful to be clean, i still feel dirty. I wan't what i had at 30 days. I was determined to succeed, and at the rate i'm going today, i am determined to relapse.

    I know another wave or urges is coming, it always does. Days 60-90 were tougher than the previous 2 months were. I was already planning 'hands free O' in January.

    In my warped logic, O is ok so long as i don't touch my penis. The Truth is, that M is M no matter what method i use. I am trying to justify my sinful desires. I am about to fall.

    I will continue on the path God has set me upon. I will not divert. There is much more to be done if i am to continue recovery. The first thing is to clear my head:

    No fantasy
    No looking at girls
    No Pinterest

    And truthfully my Pinterest excursions really were to look at pretty faces of girls that look like me if i were female. Ethnogenic copies of myself, these gorgeous women could have easily been my sister should i have had one. I don't find that alarming, in fact, it is quite soothing to me. These are women i would easily choose for a mate. I'm not sure what that means for my 'genetic' preferences. My motives are either incestuous or autogynephilic, but more likely the latter.
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2020
    GottaBFree, Timber and Merry Terry like this.
  18. Merry Terry

    Merry Terry Fapstronaut

    The part about being scatterbrained and being oversimulated sound very recognizable to me. I think I've been in a similar situation as you lately: I'm unable to focus on anything, my mind is a mess, and then I try to escape into feeding my brain with even more stuff, hoping to find something so stimulating and overwhelming that it helps me to forget all the rest, but everything I look at just leaves me bored and wanting something else. If you keep that up, you easily end up relapsing. I find that it helps me to get out of that if I just try and feed myself as little content as possible. No online news, no Netflix, no P-subs, just being offline, reading books, or even just looking out the window for an hour. Empty that head. The less bullshit I see, the less bullshit I want to see.
    GottaBFree and Jerky like this.
  19. Timber

    Timber Fapstronaut

    It’s been a pretty good week for me. No urges of any kind. It’s also been a productive week too.

    It’s getting really cold in my neck of the woods so cold showers are starting to be really cold. I love the clarity I get in cold water. I find myself becoming addicted to it these days.
    discovery, GottaBFree and Jerky like this.
  20. I am interested
    discovery, artifact and Jerky like this.

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