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Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by artifact, Nov 24, 2018.
I have read the rules and would like to join this group
Hello Gifayoem. I will add you to the member ranking tonight. Welcome to the group!
Another disappointing weekend. Saw a girl in tights at Walmart (It's always something stupid and random like that) and got slammed with urges. Even followed her down an aisle like a perv. Resisted fapping for hours and finally couldn't take it anymore. I honestly wasn't expecting that much of a challenge at 20 days. It had been smooth sailing up until that moment (although I had a sexual dream the night before). I don't know if I'll ever be strong enough to give up PM completely, but I'll keep trying.
@John Call - Congrats on your 30 days yesterday!
Checking in on Monday.
Checking in. A good weekend with many triggers that I did not succumb to. A moment of pride as I push on.
Over 20 days into no PM. I think I am in flatline. However I do get random erections is this part of the reboot?
I am in a rut, a slump after descending from dopamine abuse. It doesn't matter what it is. I will abuse it. Even herbal and decaf tea. It's the point that i have to have something. It doesn't matter what it is.
I feel drained. My fantasizing depletes my once-balanced neurochemistry. I lose sleep imagining sex i will never have, mainly because anything goes in my fantasies and what i imagine is practically impossible to achieve.
I have a headache. I need a break.
I will re-evaluate myself during this time and emerge saner.
Hi everybody checking in
Be strong @Jerky ! You're not alone in this. All of us are fighting this too.
Let's get that medal together! Eyes on the prize!
Well I just reset. It's very annoying, but there you go.
Back to the beginning.
I will be coming back to check in periodically and as I need to, but otherwise will make more of an effort to stay away. Coming here and reading some posts is what triggered me to lose this particular streak.
I am consciously aware of my dishonesty.
I cannot know the truth and lie to myself at the same time. It is necessary for me to start over.
What i can say truthfully is that i have not looked at P nor, touched my D, nor have i MO
I have wasted both time and energy chasing imaginary sexcapades, conjuring up mental porn scenes in which i am both the star and the director of.
At my best, i am currently in acute relapse mode. This i cannot afford.
I had previously completed 90 days clean but did not emerge unscathed as my mind is still lost in lust. Spending 40 minutes in the shower and running late for work.. (This is a sure sign of imminent relapse. (It obviously wasn't a cold shower, just to make that clear))
To be completely honest, i very much enjoyed the massage pattern of the directed water stream as i deliberately targeted various sensitivities throughout my anatomy. Of these targeted locales, my pubic area was the least attended to, though not entirely ignored.
This sinful and dishonest behavior began around day 70 of my reboot. I apologize for my deception.
I cannot honestly recover with dirty clean-time. I am lying to myself and all of you, but only fooling myself.
I want to begin again, only this time with the active knowledge of my weaknesses, and with the honest desire to heal.
I will reset my counter today.
This will also officially cancel my reservations, as i now have a new goal to accomplish that will pass the date i have set for myself to fall.
I have struggled the entire month of November. Need to gather my will force and aim to end the year strong. Its still not too late. I must explore the reasons for doing this. The journey gets a tad easier if the reasons are strong enough!
Had an M reset yesterday (no P). Why? Just felt horny all of a sudden and leaned into it... I had an opportunity to swerve out of it but didn’t!
Reset again :/
Sorry to hear that. My last comment was probably too much info. I wasn't trying to trigger anybody, I was just frustrated with my own weakness.
Don't worry, it definitely wasn't you!
Turns out, my 2 week streak was more fragile than I thought. Relapsed twice today. Once without P and once with a bit of it... another day tomorrow to keep at it.
@Adam123 - Nice work on your 30 days today. You're doing something right!
Checking in , reset again.
Unable to keep a run going.
Thanks , what are your goals on nofab?