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Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by artifact, Nov 24, 2018.
keep it going as long as you can!
Checking in on day 40. Feeling strong and motivated, but also recognizing that sexual desire has fully returned. I have no outlets at the moment, so it's all about using that energy and tension in positive ways while also staying very vigilant against middle circle behavior. I'll also say that I'm going through a very stressful moment in my life, and it feels SO GOOD to have the strength to handle it. I feel like a man--unshaken, able to hold this space with my head high, and deal with the issues of the moment head on instead of ducking away from them. In the past when i've used PMO to help deal with stress, it was a total disaster, compounding any and every issue. Right now I feel full of confidence that I can handle the cards in my hand, and do it with both strength and gratitude. I'm so thankful to be in that position.
Congrats on 40 days! Currently going through stressful life events too and can confirm....using PMO to deal with stress is a total disaster. I'm hoping that I can use this as a watershed moment to obtain my goals related to PMO. I never want to feel this shitty again.
I've had a good day so far. I've beefed up the porn blocking on my devices, and knowing that I would be checking in here made a big difference.
You're doing amazing @magvor, it's working so just keep at it,
Not long to go until you reach that number and once you get there chuck another 90days on top!
That's my plan.
So have noticed any results yet?I mean whatever, even in your perspective or your thoughts about porn addiction?
After reading what @Juxtaposition wrote about dopamine, I've noticed over the last two days a certain let's say light "euphoric" feeling come over me.
This is dopamine I believe but on a different level, it reminds me of a feeling I used to feel as a child before I knew about masturbation, a feeling of excitement, It's hard to explain the feeling though it's unlike a dopamine rush effect like you have with porn, it's like a light feel good feeling that only lasts for a few seconds.
I love it and haven't felt it in years.
Just wanted to add that, maybe others have experienced it?
That's awesome. Congrats!
Thanks bro, that dopamine effect we always spoke about, coming back it's nice.
Hard to say, feel like I'm on track. Don't want to jinx it though.
Yes, I'm always amazing at how much better I feel after I get a good streak going.
Good plan. I think I'll adopt it.
Yes! When I got to a 70 day streak during my early nofap days I had the same feeling. It also reminded me of how and who I was as a child. It's such a more natural feeling of happiness.
Checking in. Yesterday was great.
I had a reset today.
The fast version: I had a Zoom meeting with some people I work with last night, and they were, uh...saying some awful stuff among themselves. My wife overheard them and said "Why are you associated with people like this? People will see them using your work and think you're like them." I had been thinking the same thing. Walking away from that job wouldn't kill our finances by any means, but it would make things tighter, and it would mean leaving some things that are in-process unfinished, which I hate.
I spent the night not sleeping and trying decide what to do, and, this morning, I was sleepy/depressed/stressed and...reset.
I'm not proud of this, but the only direction to go is forward.
Sorry to hear it daryl_zero. But don't *just* go forward--you've just become more aware of three major triggers for you: tiredness, stress, and a depressive situation. Use this reset as a chance to update your strategies so next time this trifecta smacks you, you have a plan ready to implement.
Great advice, jaberwaki. Thank you!
That's good man!
I gave and i am still giving a fight against relapsing.I was so much ready for it, seeing it as a resort to get some pleasure.Suddenly everything else was looking so boring to do.
But with a lot of meditation i had analyse that feeling,i was aware of that and i knew i just needed to recognise it and find a solution so i meditated with a youtube video and i feel a little more comfortable right now.I need this win and i hope i will resist tonight.
I am experiencing it the last year and a half.I think it happened after i decided to start playing video games more regurarly.I loved video games since i was very young, it is the reason i decided to study computer sciences.I stoped playing them for years though, except playing a few days every week for one hour or so exactly the same game while drinking my coffee (routine), i had very few gameplay hours.
So after a while i started feeling exactly what you described.Something like nostalgia about my younger, child and teen me and progressively it became a nostalgia for myself until before addiction. Until 6-7 years back when everything turned upside-down for various reasons.But most of the time i was focused in my childhood and my early teens, with that innosense and the feeling of fulfillment with everything i was doing, the dreams i had,the dreams i was making and the people who were in my life that are not here now.
I think that's what i was looking for,i was missing those feelings and somehow i was admiring my before-addiction me. It helped me realise many things and gave me more willingness but i think it also became a trap.I started playing the video games i used to play back in the 90's and reading some magazines i kept from that area.Sometimes i am having flashbacks from that age,remembering me in the car with my father, looking out of the window and thinking about how beatiful my life is going to be and dreaming about my future.I swear i can feel it, it's so fucking strange.And It's very nice but i think i was in the wrong direction all this time, those days were very good but they are never coming back.
I noticed that and then i changed my direction of thoughts trying to imagine the future instead thinking about the past all the time but i guess i had to go through that experience first.
This is happening to me the last months and i would pay a lot of money to start having some flashes from the future too.
So from your description i guess you have those flashbacks too, we are just experiencing them in different ways.