35 and Older Accountability Group

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by artifact, Nov 24, 2018.

  1. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    No expectations.
     
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  2. daryl_zero

    daryl_zero Fapstronaut

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    Checking in. Yesterday was great.

    I had a reset today.

    The fast version: I had a Zoom meeting with some people I work with last night, and they were, uh...saying some awful stuff among themselves. My wife overheard them and said "Why are you associated with people like this? People will see them using your work and think you're like them." I had been thinking the same thing. Walking away from that job wouldn't kill our finances by any means, but it would make things tighter, and it would mean leaving some things that are in-process unfinished, which I hate.

    I spent the night not sleeping and trying decide what to do, and, this morning, I was sleepy/depressed/stressed and...reset.

    I'm not proud of this, but the only direction to go is forward.
     
  3. jaberwaki

    jaberwaki Fapstronaut

    Sorry to hear it daryl_zero. But don't *just* go forward--you've just become more aware of three major triggers for you: tiredness, stress, and a depressive situation. Use this reset as a chance to update your strategies so next time this trifecta smacks you, you have a plan ready to implement.
     
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  4. daryl_zero

    daryl_zero Fapstronaut

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    Great advice, jaberwaki. Thank you!
     
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  5. Rebooter13

    Rebooter13 Fapstronaut

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    That's good man!
     
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  6. Rebooter13

    Rebooter13 Fapstronaut

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    I gave and i am still giving a fight against relapsing.I was so much ready for it, seeing it as a resort to get some pleasure.Suddenly everything else was looking so boring to do.
    But with a lot of meditation i had analyse that feeling,i was aware of that and i knew i just needed to recognise it and find a solution so i meditated with a youtube video and i feel a little more comfortable right now.I need this win and i hope i will resist tonight.
     
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  7. Rebooter13

    Rebooter13 Fapstronaut

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    I am experiencing it the last year and a half.I think it happened after i decided to start playing video games more regurarly.I loved video games since i was very young, it is the reason i decided to study computer sciences.I stoped playing them for years though, except playing a few days every week for one hour or so exactly the same game while drinking my coffee (routine), i had very few gameplay hours.
    So after a while i started feeling exactly what you described.Something like nostalgia about my younger, child and teen me and progressively it became a nostalgia for myself until before addiction. Until 6-7 years back when everything turned upside-down for various reasons.But most of the time i was focused in my childhood and my early teens, with that innosense and the feeling of fulfillment with everything i was doing, the dreams i had,the dreams i was making and the people who were in my life that are not here now.
    I think that's what i was looking for,i was missing those feelings and somehow i was admiring my before-addiction me. It helped me realise many things and gave me more willingness but i think it also became a trap.I started playing the video games i used to play back in the 90's and reading some magazines i kept from that area.Sometimes i am having flashbacks from that age,remembering me in the car with my father, looking out of the window and thinking about how beatiful my life is going to be and dreaming about my future.I swear i can feel it, it's so fucking strange.And It's very nice but i think i was in the wrong direction all this time, those days were very good but they are never coming back.
    I noticed that and then i changed my direction of thoughts trying to imagine the future instead thinking about the past all the time but i guess i had to go through that experience first.
    This is happening to me the last months and i would pay a lot of money to start having some flashes from the future too. :p

    So from your description i guess you have those flashbacks too, we are just experiencing them in different ways.
     
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2021
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  8. JJ_Kino

    JJ_Kino Fapstronaut

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    Dude what you've written is very deep and I loved every second of it, I can relate to it, I look at my life and I never once thought it would turn out like this, I've experienced a lot of good and bad stuff in my 40 years like we all have, just never thought it would be like this unfortunatly.

    We've been a long similar paths i.e video games dating back to 80s Zx Spectrum, Commodore 64,Mega Drive, PlayStation then to PC.

    I loved my childhood, I loved everything about the 80s, the music, movies but best of all I was young and had some great friends, I would do anything to relive that time even for just a day.

    I remember fireworks night, 5th November we celebrate Guy Fawkes here in UK, I remember experiencing the feeling of coming home from primary school aged 7 or 8 and having this sense of super excitement like picturing how the night would unfold before it's happened and how cool it is going to be.

    It's a very strange feeling and for me it doesn't last long enough, lasts only 10 seconds but sometimes I can catch the feeling and prolong it for an extra few seconds more and then it's gone.

    Just something so cool that I haven't had for very long time.

    Just goes to show, porn ruins everything good.

    Thanks for taking time to read my post very long and boring but I appreciate it all the same.
     
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  9. Rebooter13

    Rebooter13 Fapstronaut

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    80's and 90's....Those were the days!!! :)

    I enjoyed your comment a lot for various reasons it wasn't boring at all and most importantly it makes me feel much better because i was very sceptical about those experiences, so knowing someone else from a small group of 20 people with similar background having these too is giving me the confidence to say that i am still sane. ;)
    Aside from that it was an oportunity for me to talk about this as well.

    My flashbacks last only for 1-2 seconds, maybe a little more if i am lucky and everytime i try to focus on them so i can prolong them i am loosing them completelly.I think meditation could help a lot on that.
    I gave a lot of thought on those experiences and i tried to combine everything i know from psychology while doing that.I like studying psychology as a hobby but i am not even close to be a professional just to make myself clear. I think it's happening because simply we are not happy with our lifes at the moment and our brain is trying to protect as by looking for a shelter.Maybe a psychologist would laugh with that explanation, i don't know but i think the truth is very close to that.
    The only problem in my case was that i thought the solution of my problems was there until very recently.Nevertheless I think it's nice to have those feelings while experiencing again these moments and we can use them as motivation just by knowing that once we were better than what we are now.We have to be careful though, if the past was that good compared to the present it can trap us and we can't live at the past that's for sure.Eventually it will start to be counter productive.
    In psychology constantly thinking about the past is called either introspective or rumination.In just a few words from what i know, in introspective you take lessons from the past to make a better future or at least try to do so, in rumination it's more like a sense of regret.Maybe if there is an expert here he can tell us.I think we both are in the first category but still we have to be carefull you can very easy transent from one situation to another.
    But those flashbacks are so tempting, aren't they?


    I would like to listen to your thoughts as well.Do you think this is helping you?Is it just nostalgia or motivation as well?Whatever your thoughts are i am interested to read them.

    This one is an interesting , reader friendly article about those situations in case you need to grab some quick information but i am sure you can find a lot of material with some googling.

    http://timhillpsychotherapy.com/thi...ntation,known as rumination and introspection.
     
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  10. jaberwaki

    jaberwaki Fapstronaut

    Checking in. Been a solid, if tough week, but the sun is out and I got a great ride in this morning. Looking forward to the weekend!
     
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  11. lowkeysonly

    lowkeysonly Fapstronaut

    I also love the 80s... the style, the music, the good old times without internet and mobile phones. You'd just buy magazines and copy tape cassettes to put into your Walkman! I think that's one of the reasons I loved Stranger Things so much, it gave me so many cool memories!
    And of course the video games were great... Commodore 64 with a box of disks... Load,8,1 haha -nuff said
     
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  12. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    Another day.
     
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  13. lowkeysonly

    lowkeysonly Fapstronaut

    Somehow my current streak feels different from the others.. like I feel more committed to it. Maybe too early to say something but I feel stronger this time around. Just need to stick to my daily journaling and keeping my guard up on my emotions and triggers. This forum definitely helps me a lot.

    @Jerky I agree 100% with your signature "It will never be as good as i imagine it will be"
     
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  14. bama_lost

    bama_lost Fapstronaut

    Think it's time I do a proper check-in on here.

    I'm ashamed to say I navigated away from this forum the past few weeks. I told myself I needed more direct, more focused connection - and while I'm still seeking out those types of groups/meetings, I don't want to abandon this community.

    A couple different resets several weeks back developed into a full-blown, week-long relapse that was fueled by some really overwhelming life stuff. In the course of 10 days I was in a car accident, had a super stressful work experience, and then came a milestone birthday that didn't feel real significant.

    These things can't be excuses, but I have to recognize the circumstances surrounding the failures. My worst decision was to not keep my wife in the loop, withholding my relapse from her and deepening the distrust.

    Right, now, I'm back on a track. But it sure does feel like a fragile one. I'm not confident in my plan or my convictions. I can't seem to answer the basic questions about principles and values and morals and the like. Finding additional means of support in this journey is a precarious notion of finding reliable and trustworthy and like-minded guys that I can form some bond with.

    And while my wife and I can find the place to discuss my addiction and my recovery efforts in a rational and productive way, it's not the only problem we face. It's clear actions on my part in another regard can bring any progress between us to a screeching halt and put us in a place of super disconnection.

    And that's where I am, now. But, I've got a week clean, and have no plans not to add another week to that.
     
  15. lowkeysonly

    lowkeysonly Fapstronaut

    @bama_lost Glad to hear you are back on track. Life stuff often happens in unexpected ways. It's okay that you don't have all the answers to your problems at the moment. You'll figure it out on the way. The important thing is that you have to trust the process and go all-in with your plans to recover from your addictions. You'll find more clarity and confidence in your actions. I think it's good to write down where you want to be in 2, 5 or 10 years from now and what your main values will be. Then just focus your attention and decisions on these values.
     
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  16. bama_lost

    bama_lost Fapstronaut

    That. That's what I need to do. Thanks.
     
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  17. jaberwaki

    jaberwaki Fapstronaut

    Sunday check in. Big personal changes happening this week so I’ll be on extra guard.
     
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  18. magvor

    magvor Fapstronaut
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    Morning all, checking in. I've had difficult dreams 3 nights in a row now. They're becoming more intense each time - it's almost as if the addiction is replaying its greatest hits in a hope to tempt me into a relapse.

    Still, it's a new month. Let's see how we go!
     
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  19. What porn blockers do you use and are they free?
     
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  20. Sad to say I've failed again...I felt the sexual energy rising a lot these last few days then my friend sent a sexy photo of herself with a new tattoo which set me off and yesterday I binged on porn and PMO'd twice. Was a difficult day but I'm hoping that by setting a new 30 day challenge on here I can get back into the right mindset and free myself of the thoughts and urges once again.
     

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