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Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by artifact, Nov 24, 2018.
...finding this idea intriguing.
This reminds me of something I saw in a documentary about the history of New York City (Ric Burns). In it, former mayor Ed Koch is talking about a moment he had with a voter while he was first running for mayor. An elderly woman came up to him and said "Please Mr. Koch, make New York what it used to be again." And he replied "Maam, it never was what you think it was, but I'll try."
We can never be objective about the past. Yes, we can post here about how great it was to play Atari, buy actual magazines and make mix tapes off the radio. And those WERE great memories. But at the same time we were also worried about failing at school, hated having to wake up so early to go to class, felt trapped by our parents always telling us what to do, and so many other things. If you could magically go back to that time, it would be just like now. There would be some things you treasure and others that you hate. And those things you think you treasured then, it's more likely that you took it for granted at the time. Twenty years from now you'll be looking at these years now and think about how great they were. I just wish that we could filter reality the same way about the present.
Haha, I remember that well. And we thought we were so high-tech typing in that command line to play a game, and waiting as the disk drive whirred... lol
Checking in... the desire to masturbate and feel the pleasure is still not abating and relapse seems imminent... Jesus be my savior and help me sail through the storm...
Checking in on Day 2....I'm realising that PMO is creeping back in more and more so I'm going to post something every day to keep my motivation up. I really do want rid of porn and feel so grateful to have the support of this group.
You've come this far, fight through it bro, be strong you've got this.
Hey, I think I got bumped out, but I would like to join the ranking again, if I'm allowed
I've been struggling since the beginning of this year, when I decided to turn of my SiteBlocker and face myself to stop peeking by choice instead of being forced to. That wasn't as easy as I thought, but I feel I'm on the right track again.
Just checking in another day.
I haven't checked in here in a while.
The usual Monday/Tuesday challenge for me. Barely kept out of trouble last night. Trying to stay focused on work projects today. Read some journals here, which generated this thought:
I am now in a sexless marriage. Rather than try to change that situation with the wife, I accepted it as part of my nofap journey. In fact, I am using it as a platform to evolve myself as a person individually and as a husband in relationship. What do I mean by that? For my entire life my almost hourly existence was concerned with what was happening "below the belt". The amount of time I've spent (by myself) attending to that part of my body is just absurd. Add in the time (pre-planning, actual event, post-game analysis), emotional energy, etc etc spent in sexual activity with a partner (albeit always in the context of several marriages and other LTR's) and it is a wonder I held a full-time steady job!
My point is that for the first time in my life I am trying not to think of or otherwise be involved with the state of what's in my pants. So I am working hard to improve the non-sex relationship connections with my wife (and re-build the marriage) and in the context of nofap taking all the excess time and energy available to self-improvement or engaging in non-sexual thoughts and activities. For a lifelong sex addict, this hasn't been easy.
Checking in after a very smooth two+ weeks. No psubs, no edging, no p fantasies. It feels to me like I am very much in control now, despite spending a good few days by myself last week with plenty of spare time. Of course, if one or two things fall the wrong way I might well relapse tomorrow, but it does feel to me for now like it is going as well as it could. I think two things helped this particular attempt. First, not looking at facebook except on a low-threat moment once per week (not in the weekends or evening) has so far removed 99% of sexy content triggers from my internet media consumption. Without those triggers, I have not looked for psubs or p spontaneously. The other thing that helped was that immediately after I relapsed the last time, I forced myself to spend 30+ min looking at my favorite porn in a flaccid and self-disgusted mood. This favorite porn had been on my mind since I started stopping in December: I still had sexual fantasies about it and could not reconcile myself with the idea that I would never see newer updates. It just had a strong pull on me. So, by looking at it after relapsing in that state, I tried to dull that strongly positive association. So far, it worked as I have not felt its pull, have not fantasized about it, and am perfectly at ease with the idea I will never see it again. Incidentally, this is how I stopped smoking many years ago (forced myself to smoke more than I wanted for a week before successfully quitting cold turkey) so that's why I gave it a try. Famous last words, but I do feel this setup is giving me the best chance to not relapse. Let's hope it does.
great work man! stay strong.
@Highlander01 - You have been added to the member ranking. Welcome to the group!
@Merry Terry - Welcome back!
@emanuel_free - Looking good up there at 250 days. Wow!
I had the exact same experience. I found a way around every single porn blocker program I tried. It became a game that started with the thought: "Let me just check this site and make sure my blocker is working." It basically puts the responsibility for your recovery on the program instead of you. At first the thought of facing the internet without a filter was terrifying, but it turned out to be a blessing because I was no longer wasting all that time trying to figure out how to get around my blocker programs. Plus I started to have more success in my recovery, although my recent track record is not so great. That being said, these time management programs sound interesting and I think I might try one of them out. When I get lazy and start wasting time on sites like Facebook, that leads to seeing something that triggers me and then an unnecessary relapse.
Morning all, checking in
Checking in. Feeling a few difficult emotions today like stress but will not look at P
I am moody as fuck and slept terrible but I won't seek immedate gratification today.
That's interesting, right? I have often found too that when I start spending more time on my phone, just finding excuses to google something I don't need to know at all, just to be able to have something to distract me - that's often the start that I'm getting in a certain headspace and if I continue there, I will end up relapsing. It may take a few days, weeks even, but that's the start of the slippery slope. The good thing is that Facebook and all these things are still relatively easy to walk away from and turn my behavior around. As soon as I start looking for sexual stuff, it starts getting harder to stop.
I find that I have this too. When I allow myself to mindlessly browse certain websites it puts me in the wrong mindset. It's a mindset that says it is ok to be lazy, it's ok to not work hard, it's ok to not try to improve yourself, it's ok to sit around and do nothing,....And then eventually after a couple of hours, days, or weeks, it becomes it's ok to take a quick peek....
Wednesday check in. At least I'm out of the house at work for next 2 days.
Exactly. I use a program called "Focus" that lets me schedule when I can access certain sites. It's not perfect, and if it was used for porn it'd fail immediately, but as a restriction on time wasting sites it's perfect. And, yes, there is definitely a link for me between the mindset of 'mindless surfing' and the slippery slope to fishing and then relapse. So, every time-wasting site is blocked except for an hour before work and an hour after. Because I also have a kid it means it's pretty darn hard to access during those times anyway, so it's cut way down on lazy mindless braindead zombie time, which in turn reinforces good habits (might as well do some pushups or play guitar!) which in turn reinforces a stronger willpower.
Social media (including this site) are experts are creating small dopamine releases. I think the back of my PM addicted mind knows it would lead to fapping to waste time endlessly. Maybe not in the first 2-3 days, but soon.
It's funny, if I stay up late working on something, no issue.
Anyway hey guys, I'm checking in.
Work is back to crazy busy for the 1st time since COVID. I'm working on finishing writing a novel and sneaking in family time. The days I don't waste time are awesome, but I tend to work till late which ruins the next day.