35 and Older Accountability Group

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by artifact, Nov 24, 2018.

  1. Juxtaposition

    Juxtaposition Fapstronaut

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    Checking in on day 4. So many relapses. Just keep going around on this PMO cycle. It's usually day 3 or 4 when I relapse.

    This week urges have been low but I've been tired from work. I have started to feel urges this morning as its my day off work so I need to keep myself busy.
     
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  2. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    I meant to reset my counter from my last post.
     
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  3. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    You are good.

    Glad to see you and follow your progress.
     
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  4. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    This a good example to me. I felt blah and I knew I could potentially stay up all night doing nothing... But that is my addict brain hoping to create a situation where I might PM. I get nothing out of doing that but somethings it leads to PM. I posted that and went to bed and I'm so glad I'm rested and another day PM free.

    I was just thinking about how what ever emotion was leading to PM because I needed a "crutch" happens. When I no longer stress and fap, it goes away. It's really disgusting and pissed me off how pervasive this is to my existence. I'm pissed for believing all the the lies. For a while I got pissed at my wife as a trigger and it kept happening. I know she could feel the anger and it wasn't her fault. Just wanted a fix and created a situation to get it. When I stopped fapping to that emotion, it went away and doesn't ever come back in the same way.

    I don't want to feed this parasite any more of my life. I just stinking hope I don't forget what the man behind the curtain looks like (wizard of Oz referenc). When I see it for what it is and realize I don't seek pleasure, I seek to avoid withdrawal pains it ruins any desire to PM. I am terrified of weakening this powerful defense.
     
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  5. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    But you're not giving up my man. That's an important win we don't give ourselves enough credit for. You're posting and thinking about recovery.

    I am coming out of months of that and I wanted to quit so bad but I knew that would mean I never win, but it got ugly and tough.
     
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  6. jaberwaki

    jaberwaki Fapstronaut

    Morning gentlemen. Checking in on day 98. A reminder to everyone here struggling that the first two weeks are the hardest, where you will fall down the most, and where the emotions of defeat, shame, and loss are at their strongest. Just keep getting up. You will break the cycle and find clear air again. Be well!
     
  7. Ik2

    Ik2 Fapstronaut

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    Feels like I am on the cusp of relapse. Totally standing at the edge of the ravine here. Brain convincing me to go ahead and jump. I know it will end in pain and regret, so why does it still seem so attractive?

    Coming here to reaffirm my commitment. Am going to step away from my computer and phone for the time being. Will go do other things on my list, workout, stretch, yard work. Taking care of myself is currently more important than work productivity.
     
  8. lowkeysonly

    lowkeysonly Fapstronaut

    Tonight I'll be one week free from porn!
     
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  9. JJ_Kino

    JJ_Kino Fapstronaut

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    /reset
     
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  10. jaberwaki

    jaberwaki Fapstronaut

    Day 100! Feeling good about hitting this number. I'm going to be less concerned about the days from here on out; I'll celebrate again at 6 months and then at a year, but for now it's just about continuing to stay vigilant about what I allow my mind to dwell on, my eyes to rest on, and my life to center on.
    One of the things I'm most grateful for with being PMO free has been being able to sit with the difficult emotions, the challenging moments. Learning to stay present in them, rather than to shut down and escape to PMO, has made my life so much better, and so much deeper.
    Stay strong everyone. @JJ_Kino, just get back up brother! We're here for you.
     
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  11. Juxtaposition

    Juxtaposition Fapstronaut

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    Day 7. Trying to get out of this short day cycle. Almost reaching a full week.
     
  12. ctr

    ctr Fapstronaut

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    Checking in. Urges under control but the fantasies are starting to become stronger and more regular. It's troubling but I try to distract myself in any way possible. Adding new activities to my daily routine. Scheduling more time with family and friends and less screen time, although it's still tough to do right now. Summer is around the corner and my overall mood always improves exponentially. Looking forward to something always helps.

    There was a time where I would have relapsed hard by now. So glad and thankful to have found this site. Keep fighting, everyone, and never give up.
     
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  13. magvor

    magvor Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    Checking in
     
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  14. lowkeysonly

    lowkeysonly Fapstronaut

    congrats on 100 days @jaberwaki - that's a huge milestone!!
     
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  15. JJ_Kino

    JJ_Kino Fapstronaut

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    Well done bro you're doing amazing.

    Thank you for the kind words, gonna do my best to go on a good run.

    Cheers
     
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  16. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    Having thoughts but not urges, one leads to the other.
     
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  17. "I have read the rules and would like to join this group"
     
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  18. jaberwaki

    jaberwaki Fapstronaut

    Checking in on a sunny morning. I feel fortunate to truly love where I live. Lots of sexual energy but I'm channeling it well, humming at work and rocking at my fitness. Be strong everyone!
     
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  19. daryl_zero

    daryl_zero Fapstronaut

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    Checking in. I had a reset today.

    I've been going through a hard time--it's difficult to explain exactly what's been going on, because I want to stay anonymous (I'm not an important person, but it would be easy to google me just the same), but I've had to leave a creative collaboration that I've been part of for more than a decade. We all need to go in different directions, and I in particular need to leave because the guys I've been working with are locked into a view of women that I'm trying to put behind me. We're all still friends, I just won't be working with them any longer.

    It's not going to be hard financially because I have plenty of other work, but this thing I'm leaving has been my main creative outlet and source of self-respect for years and years. I'm sure I'll find something else eventually. My wife has been very supportive, which is good, but one of my kids started crying when I explained what was going on. And there are a few people I still need to call to tell them I'm quitting, which I'm not looking forward to.

    All of this to say: I'm struggling, but I'm still committed to this process, and I'm grateful for this group.
     
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  20. You're doing great!
     
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