35 and Older Accountability Group

Checking in.
Made it one day so far.
I feel low but I'm hopeful for the future.

 

Checking in. Things have been a bit busy with work lately, but it's helping me get through the winter without looking elsewhere. Some temptations recently, but they always disappear after a couple of days. Exercise and a few new hobbies are also keeping me on track.

Indeed, this battle can absolutely be won taking single steps at a time, day by day. And once you get on a roll, you won't want to go back to old ways. Keep fighting, gentlemen. It's all well worth it.

 

On day three and feeling motivated.
Had a rough morning because my wife is understandably upset but I didn't turn to porn like I would have.

 

Thung are going slow in my personal life, im still searching for a job.
Im thinking of fasting tomrrow no water or food for the next 12:00 hours, to break the boring routine.

 

Had a bad relapse lately, but back today to give it another try.

I just worked out that the average length of my PM-free streaks over the last year is 17 days. So that gives me a new target to work for in the short term, looking forward to 18 days!

I hope everyone is doing well

 

I've really enjoyed reading the updates from everyone. The good, the bad, the in between. The commitment is motivating.

My experience is that 14-21 days is the hardest to get through. Then I think it gets like driving in snow. Most of the time, it's pretty easy but just a little misstep and you're in the ditch. That is how I lost long streaks in the past. One minute, I have no thought of m and think I could go forever, the next, the home is empty, I'm feeling anxious, the ipad is sitting right there, and I don't think of the other strategies to get myself out. I turn to the easy way. And the anxiety goes right away but the guilt and long term anxiety builds up.

In the past, I've tried to minimize triggers, which is still very important. It lowers my baseline of interest. But then, there are the strategies to strengthen my resolve when triggers do come or reduce the effect of a trigger. Seeing a therapist has really reduced my anxiety, along with meditation and journaling, every day. I genuinely feel better.

Here is my list of calming activities for me:
-meditation
-cleaning and organizing
-going for a walk
-exercising
-watching harmless youtube on tv while sitting on the couch
-finishing tasks around the house or for work
-writing
-cold shower
-listening to jazz (now you know you're on the over 35 group

A lot of these I've gotten from here of course. Something that occurred to me is that when I'm really thinking about m, then I'm not going to just sit down and meditate. My mind isn't close to the right spot to do so. A better substitute for that time would be cleaning and organizing since it is active and the relief is immediate. Then maybe once my mind is closer to calm, meditate. Meditation works really well over time, but it isn't practical for me when my mind is completely racing. In the past, I'd say to myself, don't m, meditate instead. And then I'd say to myself "don't be ridiculous, you idiot." So my strategy for the next problem time will be to pick something that matches my mind state. And continue to meditate regularly for the rest of the times.

 

I have read the rules and would like to join this group.

Looking forward to starting on this journey with all of you.

 

I made it to 12 days but relapsed again...but 12 days was good so will aim for higher!

 

On day 5.
Tomorrow is when I usually fall apart but I feel like I have the tools I need to make it through the day.
One day at a time. Baby steps.

 

a question for single people , does anyone feel lonely at the end of the day during recovery? because I have it almost daily.

 

Checking in on day 6.
This is the longest streak I've had in months.

 

Reset, dammit! Anyway, onward and upwards!

 

Checking in and resetting counter

 

Day 7 checking in.
Had a rough day but I made it through with no PMO

 

Business as usual here. One week in but at the same time it is only a week. And really every day is day 1, always the same distance from the ditch.

 

Setback this morning.
I'm not mad at myself or disappointed. I made it 8 days, that's the longest streak I've had in years.
Next time will be even longer.