35 and Older Accountability Group

I am married, but I have certainly experienced loneliness within our marriage at times. Everyone has had a tough time with covid, but I think single people have especially been hard hit. The lack of social outlets is really tough.

When I am feeling lonely, it helps me to focus on taking care of myself. Taking a nice shower, cutting my nails, trimming my face hair, ear hair, nose hair, etc Finding a good book or movie that I'm interested in and being nurturing to myself. I even bought some kind of dead sea mask for my face the other day and I am not a metrosexual type guy. But I feel like this kind of stuff does help me feel better.

Checking in also. Still feeling good. Not going to think I'm on easy street because I've had that thought many times before just prior to a reset. Got to keep vigilent.

 

Nice job.

 

Setback this morning.
Try, try again.

 

Got really stressed out today and had an argument with the wife. I’ve learned that this is the usual tipping point in my cycle of moods, which runs from post-pmo depression, to engaged with life and hard working, to stressed, angry and frustrated, and then back to depressed.

I still haven’t learned a way to cope with these moods. (Maybe I should be listening to jazz ). But at least I know that if I can manage to wait it out, the good times will return after a time.

 

Checking in. I had a reset today, but overall I've been doing much better.

 

Checking in.

 

Thank you for that good read. I find a lot of the ancient Chinese information fascinating. There is a lot of good information there. People can say "it's not science" but it's based off many years of experience and a willingness to go beyond documenting exactly what you understand.

My wife's drive is much lower that mine. She can go a few weeks or at times, months, without any interest. I do have a hard time lasting very long with her before O if it's been a month since I've m'd or p'd. I'd like to find the ability to both not m and not O with her in under 3 minutes Of course, guys who m excessively have the same problem but for different reasons. I had found that if I m twice a week, it allows me to last longer, but I didn't like the other side effects (loss of energy, etc) so it's not worth it.

Lol! That made me laugh. Tell me that you can put on a little Miles Davis or Thelonius Monk and it doesn't help instantly Stay away from Kenny G though. That'll cause all sorts of problems.

My arguments or disagreements with my wife are definitely problems for me, as well as depression. Actually, my wife can be difficult at times but I think my depression is ultimately what drove many of our disagreements. I have read a lot of self help books over the years, but doubled down recently and read more books, added counseling, etc. My conclusion for me is that I have to get to the root of the problem (depression, which results in anger and other emotions depending on the circumstance) AND it is on ongoing process that I have to treat like an alcoholic would. I have to work on it every day. Depression runs in my family and since it can be hereditary, I believe it is just something that I have to learn to manage. So I'm throwing the book at it and it's still early, but I believe it's helping. My wife actually wants to hang out with me, which helps. Just my two cents. Let me know if you find any tools to help manage depression.

 

Ok so I just put on some Miles Davis, who I haven't listened to years. Great energy!

One other which could be familiar to many in this group, my wife is in perimenopause. Which means, her cycle of moods is now totally unpredictable. Sometimes she's got hormones putting her in a bad mood, and I'm in the stressed/angry/depressed phase at the same time, and it's a really rough time. At other times, her hormones will be pushing her to want sex, but I never know when these times are going to be. The challenge for me is to be patient with her and just try to manage the things I can control, ie. my own moods.

 

Fell hard this morning, feeling awful, like I'm some sort of monster. I can't stop and my heart hurts.

 

same here bro , I updated my plan accordingly

 

I've added opendns to my devices and blocked sites on my router.
I swear this stuff is truly evil. I'm having a hard time staying positive today. In fact, I'm barely hanging on.

 

I have also OpenDNS installed on my router ,it's so hard to keep your home safe , I even received a message here from a P star giving my her kik account details
when I relapse I drink 1.5L of water a day and eat a lot of healthy food to restore my body and brain balance , if you are feeling guilty , just don't it's enough that you are still on this journey

 

Thank you so much for that.

 

Day 1 checking in.

Feeling motivated today.

 

Day 2 checking in.

 

Another big argument with the wife. I wish I could start this day over. Didn’t give in to P. Just posting to keep myself honest really. Hope you are all doing well.

 

Day 136.

Tomorrow will be monumental for me and I'm not sure it would even be possible without the confidence and boldness I've developed on NoFap/Semen retention.

So let me backtrack a bit...

Last Thursday, the owner of the facility where I train my players (baseball/softball) told me he would not allow me to raise the price of my services AFTER raising the cost of my rent a week earlier. We then had a heated discussion which led to us parting ways.

3 hours later, I found another location that was smaller but workable. The facility's owner was elated to have me on board.

The next day, I was told of a new facility opening soon. I went and met the husband and wife putting it together and an hour later walked out with an offer to be a partner with the primary task of running the facility. The husband told me to come back Monday to look at what they have and tell them what else they need. In the meantime, they would begin paperwork to make it official.

Tomorrow, I'll present them with my complete business plan based on my 10 years of experience. I'm super pumped!!!

 

Never listened to that genre of Miles Davis, but I will now. I tried listening to some of his real late stuff and it was too much for me. This is pretty trippy and awesome.

Never heard of perimenopause but now I have an idea of what I'm in for soon. Good to know.

Nice job. Don't let her steer you off of your desired path.

This is a great story. Congratulations. I do transition from apathetic to driven and not letting people get in my way once a few weeks are under my belt, (no pun intended). I'm really happy for you. You landlord is being an idiot, glad you didn't let him step on you. There is a great feeling on getting the upper hand on a jerk.

As for me, I had a lot of time alone at home this weekend. As soon as my wife and kids left, I got comfortable, sat on the floor, pulled out my phone and m...editated. What did you think I was going to do!? I actually felt great and had set myself up with a home project to keep busy, so I didn't feel at risk, but I wanted to head my mind off at the pass. Because sometimes I start feeling great, then the clock ticks by and all of the sudden I'm going where I don't want to go. So I meditated for 20 minutes then got to work and I think that kept me especially straight.

Went on a rare date with my wife on Saturday and it was nice. Back home, she had no interest once we hit the sack. Normally, another hit to the ego that might result in a next day pm, and I did feel a little down but not enough to get depressed. More meditation and a social outing with a friend on Sunday helped. I think my mind is back on track but I'll keep a lookout on myself for the next few days. Normally I get into trouble when I go over a week without an o and I'm into that territory now. I think 3 weeks is my personal best no o, with months of no pm. So I may be put to the test here soon

 

Day 3 checking in.