35 and Older Accountability Group

Day 38

Today is a big day for me! By God's strength and with your support and encouragement, I have overcome two M trap falls - day 28 and day 37.

The next challenge is to overcome the biggest record of my life - day 97! I believe that I will succeed! I know!

I wish everyone succeed on yours goals!
 
It's hard right now. There is this feeling that tells me I should stop working and just indulge myself. It's not even specific. It just wants me to distract myself any way possible. But rationally it doesn't make sense. There is nothing for me there but misery. I don't like what happens then. So it's just not an option. I'll just have to sit it out until it's gone. Just like before. Hopefully it won't last for so long.
 
Stelvio said:
Reset again. Tablet is gone too now.
I feel like I'm really beginning to understand addict behavior.
So tired of it that I'm not even upset anymore.
It's more of an "oh, it happened again" feeling. Maybe that's they key to getting past it all, just becoming detached from the situation and figuring out logical ways to deal with it.
Click to expand...
Learning from resets has been an important part of this process. I hit 2 weeks, then reset. Thought about what lead up to it, what I could do differently, and tried again. The second time through was a bit easier. Same thing at one month, then two months. It's taken me almost a year to reach 70+ days. If I reset again, I'll start another streak. Your addict behavior didn't happen overnight, your recovery won't happen overnight either. Stay strong brother, stay focused on your goals.
 
This week has been a little better. Urges have lessened somewhat. I could be doing better in terms of meditation and other positive habits I'm trying to develop. The week's not over though.

This week (updated 8/5):
3 days meditation
3.5 hours exercise
 
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Stelvio said:
Reset again. Tablet is gone too now.
I feel like I'm really beginning to understand addict behavior.
So tired of it that I'm not even upset anymore.
It's more of an "oh, it happened again" feeling. Maybe that's they key to getting past it all, just becoming detached from the situation and figuring out logical ways to deal with it.
Click to expand...
This makes a lot of sense. I'm doing well at the moment, and hoping for a new record streak, but in the last couple of years I have started to think of this problem as something to be managed instead of cured. I no longer hate myself after every reset. I think it is healthier to just have acceptance that this behavior is part of who we are, while still using all our tools to minimize it and eliminate it as much as possible.
 
BookNerd42 said:
Been struggling a lot. And turned away from here and other tools that were helping me. It's been a couple months since I've posted anything, or reached out at all (it was foolish to believe I could course correct by myself)

Have gone into full relapse after hitting many personal bests on this journey
Moved to a new city new career, new house, with tons of fixing up to do, wife's pregnancy has hit many complications in the 3rd trimester. In short I'm burnt out and stressed the fuck out, all the time
And porn has raised its head
Is it making me happier? No
Is it making things easier? No
My time would be better spent elsewhere but I keep just turning to online old habits
My sex life with wife has disappeared in the month since we've moved... I'm terrified that this sudden change and stress is destroying us, as a unit, and I know porn use is making that worse yet I still keep using like a zombie, with a tiny mouse of a voice squeeking to STOP, but too easily ignored, until after, when I'm left with nothing but disappointment and frustration at myself

Reaching out for encouragement and accountability. I intend on checking in every day for the next few weeks
Click to expand...
Welcome back, the group is full as usual, but I can add you to the waiting list if you like.
 
artifact said:
This makes a lot of sense. I'm doing well at the moment, and hoping for a new record streak, but in the last couple of years I have started to think of this problem as something to be managed instead of cured. I no longer hate myself after every reset. I think it is healthier to just have acceptance that this behavior is part of who we are, while still using all our tools to minimize it and eliminate it as much as possible.
Click to expand...

I believe this is good advice @artifact. I also think, after years of trying to get to complete abstinence, that it’s probably a good strategy just to aim to minimise it so it doesn’t interfere with the rest of our lives i.e. so that it’s not compulsive but used sometimes to get to sleep or unwind a bit.

It’s taken me years to admit this to myself but I finally feel better having done so!:D
 
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