36 y/o trying to fix my life and start anew.

Hi peeps,

I'm 36 y/o, I think my porn addiction dated back to when I was in junior high after discovering my dad's not so secret porn stash (well, to be fair it was quite well hidden, but yeah, kids tend to go and find things they're not meant to find) I also went to an all-boys school for 6 years which porn distribution was kinda extreme.

From the moment I first had sex until this past few weeks I don't really feel any sensation during intercourse. Handjobs, blowjobs, vaginal and even anal doesn't really do anything for me. In the end i'll have to finish the job with my hand...

Things got worse during pandemic (in 2020) because i got divorced, had legal dispute over child custody and lost my job as well. During these times the masturbation and porn addiction got worse (around 2-4x a day) since there wasn't anything else for me to do and the genre of the porn gets more and more extreme. I was on anti depressant as well. After the divorce i managed to hook up with some girls, and i can barely hold an erection for 1 minute... i had no idea whats wrong and i blamed it on my depression. Once i tried the blue pill and it worked, but i'm too scared to keep on using it.

Few days ago i started googling about what i'm experiencing and i stumbled upon the death grip syndrome. From there i kept on digging and found out about this and that and ended up on this website.

I've recently got into a relationship with a really nice lady, i decided to stop smoking and wanting to fix myself inside and out so i can be the best version of me for her. This time I'm hoping we can stay sex free until we're super serious with our relationship. This way i will also have time to fix myself first before doing anything with her.

Initially i was only going to stop fapping totally for 45 or so days since based on from what i read, thats roughly the amount of time needed to get rid of death grip. But from what i read here, porn addiction is just as bad. Starting from today i'm going to totally stop my porn consumption. Currently i'm on day 16 of NoFap, day 1 of no porn and day 12 of no cigarettes.

Reading all the stories here gave me a lot of encouragement! Thank you so much everyone! Hope one day i'll be able to post my success story here!