36 years old. Never dated. No GF. And still a virgin. Need advice.

Namekian23

Namekian23

Fapstronaut
It's been a year since I've posted on NoFap. I hope no one criticizes me on my post, because this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with besides my 25 year long porn addiction. Regarding women, I've tried to get into a relationship many times in my life , but for some reason, something always goes wrong. In fact, I've failed on 9 different occasions and it was due to either bad luck, rejection, or bad timing. It's getting to the point where I just don't care anymore.

The last heartbreak happened several months ago, after I tried to get back with a female I once knew. Before that, I had another embarrassing heartbreak with a female coworker at my old job. The pain and agony has made me numb, and with all this bad luck, I'm starting to focus on other things besides relationships. I just got a new job, finished my bachelors degree, and I'm trying new activities such as speed dating or other social gatherings.

It's not that I don't know how to talk to women; I've flirted many times, had some female friends in the past, gave them hugs, etc. It's just relationships that I have an extremely hard time with. However, most of these hardships has taught me a lot about myself and what I need to work on. Other than that, is there anyone else going through these moments? How do you deal with it, and what helps you? Right now I'm just looking for advice and some support.
 
Late in life virginity and lack of relationships are increasingly common, to a degree that is shocking social scientists. At our age, there's probably nothing we can do. But our increasing numbers indicate, whatever the complex causes are, it's a systemic problem, rather than a collection of individual problems. Maybe that can give you some solace.
 
Namekian23 said:
It's been a year since I've posted on NoFap. I hope no one criticizes me on my post, because this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with besides my 25 year long porn addiction. Regarding women, I've tried to get into a relationship many times in my life , but for some reason, something always goes wrong. In fact, I've failed on 9 different occasions and it was due to either bad luck, rejection, or bad timing. It's getting to the point where I just don't care anymore.

The last heartbreak happened several months ago, after I tried to get back with a female I once knew. Before that, I had another embarrassing heartbreak with a female coworker at my old job. The pain and agony has made me numb, and with all this bad luck, I'm starting to focus on other things besides relationships. I just got a new job, finished my bachelors degree, and I'm trying new activities such as speed dating or other social gatherings.

It's not that I don't know how to talk to women; I've flirted many times, had some female friends in the past, gave them hugs, etc. It's just relationships that I have an extremely hard time with. However, most of these hardships has taught me a lot about myself and what I need to work on. Other than that, is there anyone else going through these moments? How do you deal with it, and what helps you? Right now I'm just looking for advice and some support.
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hey bro, i just wanna point to if you're having difficulties connecting to women on the level you desire you might carry around unresolved trauma from the relationship to your mother (the first female reference person you learned relationships with). For example narcissistic abuse. It will change your behaviour to the point that you sabotage the relationship with another woman until it's properly addressed and integrated. If this resonates with you, you can read about it.
I wish you all the best in your healing process.
 
berylliumwages said:
Late in life virginity and lack of relationships are increasingly common, to a degree that is shocking social scientists. At our age, there's probably nothing we can do. But our increasing numbers indicate, whatever the complex causes are, it's a systemic problem, rather than a collection of individual problems. Maybe that can give you some solace.
Click to expand...

Thanks for your insight I have a better perspective now knowing Im not the only one. Even though Im 36 years old I think theres still time to grow. Ive heard of people finding their true love in their 30s and sometimes in their 40s. As of now I try not to think about it as much as I can. Plus I have other things going on in my life that I need to focus on.
 
Allis One said:
hey bro, i just wanna point to if you're having difficulties connecting to women on the level you desire you might carry around unresolved trauma from the relationship to your mother (the first female reference person you learned relationships with). For example narcissistic abuse. It will change your behaviour to the point that you sabotage the relationship with another woman until it's properly addressed and integrated. If this resonates with you, you can read about it.
I wish you all the best in your healing process.
Click to expand...

Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate your concern and yes Ive had a lot of traumatic experiences as a kid especially with my father. My mother on the other hand has been more supportive. Ive had a lot of therapy throughout my years to help cope with the trauma. And I guess its one of the reasons why Im having a hard time finding a healthy relationship. Im glad you pointed this out because it gives me a better idea of figuring myself more.
 
Namekian23 said:
Thanks for your suppport I really appreciate it.
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No problem man.

From what you wrote I see that you just havent met right woman yet. Right to you, given by God. When the right woman will come youl be interested in her and she in you. And nothing will be able to separate you at all.

It happened to me. Once I got tired of all the bs of chasing woman and desiring them and said to God something like that : I am tired of chasing woman who are not even meant for me. I ask you to bring me the woman that is destined for me at the right time and at the right place and I apsolutely believe you will (believing is very important, it a key element). Then I said I know you are all powerful and you will do that even if shes in another part of the world now. Doent matter to you.

I left this prayer like that and with full faith just lived my life knowing that it will happen and I dont nees to worry or stress at all anymore.

Then not very long after I actually met her. And we both know we are destined for one another. And so the problem of woman was fixed.

Same way God can fix all our problems. We just have to let him. The problem is alot of the times we DON'T including me. Because we think we can do it ourselves and society brainwashes us in the same manner too.

But in my experience God is all we need. Just empty yourself and let him talk to you. Let him guide you.

Soryy that its turning into a sermon but the truth is thats what I learn, and thats thw only thing which works for me. And that is asking God of right things and letting him guide me to that.

Ahmein brother. Hallelujah
 
Namekian23 said:
Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate your concern and yes Ive had a lot of traumatic experiences as a kid especially with my father. My mother on the other hand has been more supportive. Ive had a lot of therapy throughout my years to help cope with the trauma. And I guess its one of the reasons why Im having a hard time finding a healthy relationship. Im glad you pointed this out because it gives me a better idea of figuring myself more.
Click to expand...

good luck with your goals, bro
 
Prisoner of lust said:
No problem man.

From what you wrote I see that you just havent met right woman yet. Right to you, given by God. When the right woman will come youl be interested in her and she in you. And nothing will be able to separate you at all.

It happened to me. Once I got tired of all the bs of chasing woman and desiring them and said to God something like that : I am tired of chasing woman who are not even meant for me. I ask you to bring me the woman that is destined for me at the right time and at the right place and I apsolutely believe you will (believing is very important, it a key element). Then I said I know you are all powerful and you will do that even if shes in another part of the world now. Doent matter to you.

I left this prayer like that and with full faith just lived my life knowing that it will happen and I dont nees to worry or stress at all anymore.

Then not very long after I actually met her. And we both know we are destined for one another. And so the problem of woman was fixed.

Same way God can fix all our problems. We just have to let him. The problem is alot of the times we DON'T including me. Because we think we can do it ourselves and society brainwashes us in the same manner too.

But in my experience God is all we need. Just empty yourself and let him talk to you. Let him guide you.

Soryy that its turning into a sermon but the truth is thats what I learn, and thats thw only thing which works for me. And that is asking God of right things and letting him guide me to that.

Ahmein brother. Hallelujah
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Thanks again man. I can see that religion has definitely helped you in your path for self development and spirituality. This is something Im currently still working on. But youre right chasing the right one vs allowing the right one to come into your life naturally comprises a growth mindset. I definitely need to change that so thanks for pointing that out.
 
Namekian23 said:
Thanks again man. I can see that religion has definitely helped you in your path for self development and spirituality. This is something Im currently still working on. But youre right chasing the right one vs allowing the right one to come into your life naturally comprises a growth mindset. I definitely need to change that so thanks for pointing that out.
Click to expand...

Yep. Exactly. Allowing it to come instead of chasing that.

Np, my pleasure.
 
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