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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by 2525, Dec 27, 2017.
Ive been having trouble putting together any sustained stretches of pmo freedom. Too much fantasizing has been my downfall almost every time. I attended a saa ( sex addicts anonymous) telemeeting today that i liked. I did over 100 pullups, some pushups and alot of positive things today instead of wallowing in relapse. I watched porn and masturbated at 10 a.m. so im resetting again.
Day 191. 24 hrs is not enough .....
Another failure! I am tired, so damn tired. After fighting urges for what seemed like forever, I gave in and watched porn for about 1 hour, masturbated and came. What is disturbing in retrospect, is that I thoroughly enjoyed watching porn. It begs the question of whether I want to quit porn. Well, back to the drawing board.
Brothers I almost F'ed up a couple nights ago. Had a few drinks, I guess one too many and found myself briefly seeking out a couple old sites, the ones with the worst kind of content for my emotional, mental, and spiritual health. I stopped way short of pursuing anything and didn't come close to PMO, so my streak is still intact, but it did rattle me how quick my senses could leave me due to over-indulgence in booze.
Anyway so I re-checked all my filters, made sure all possible sites/keywords are blocked again, and very relieved to be on nofap posting on day 109 of this challenge. I don't want to open that door into darkness. I want to stay here with you good people, in the light, or at least reaching for it.
I understand how you feel bro. It's hard to just say "Yeah I want to quit porn totally." It's almost like we have to mourn its loss in our life, since one some level it has provided something for us in the past - e.g. escape, artificial intimacy, excitement, etc.
But I don't think we would have found ourselves here if its cost was not too high - it ends up being toxic, self-destructive, and counter-productive to pursuing our real goals in life. We get 'emotional hangovers' filled with remorse, anxiety, depression, isolation. It's bad for us physically too, as our sleep patterns get messed up, we lose interest in bettering ourselves with diet/exercise. It also complicates our social interactions, especially with women, as it depletes our self-respect and self-confidence over time.
I guess at some point we all have to dig deep, way down, and decide that when looked at in total, it's just not worth it. And then commit to that at a core level, replacing the default action of PMO with more positive thoughts and actions, day after day. You're not alone in your struggles, friend, trust me. Let's just try to take another step towards healing and inner peace and resilience today. This isn't easy, but we can do it, if we just keep moving forwards as best we can.
80 Days without Porn
52 Days without Masturbation
Another Good Day!
Started Working out from today.
Completed 6 days of meditation.
I am also thinking that I should post stats of my other rituals.
So, here we go:
DAY 6: MEDITATION (10 Minutes)
I agree that it feels like a major loss by not watching porn. It feels like a great sacrifice. But as you say, the cost of porn is too great to bear and somehow I have to stop associating pleasure with porn indulgence. Thanks for the encouragement and support.
It was a tough battle yesterday against the urges but I won. I am in control I said. One day down! I am not giving in or giving up. I will battle until I win. In my anger, I finished reading the rest of the Now Habit book in one sitting. I also ran
7.6 km in 1 hour and 11 mins. I am so pissed off. I will need to continue to transmute this anger to something meaningful.
Day 14 Cold showers
Day 14 Exercise: Light training including back stretching exercises and ab exercises
Day 12 Meditation: Mindfulness Meditation 5 mins; 6 Phase Meditation 10 mins
Day 9 Reading: The Now Habit Completed; Cultivating Male Sexual Energy page 52 of 328
Failed to get as much done as I would have liked, yesterday. Pushing forward on today.