365 day purification

2/365
This 365 day challenge is a hard mode monks mode -or even further...
I don’t only do not do Pmo but I want to clear my head my mind completely. It’s way deeper than keeping a dirty mind but not doing PMO anymore. This is already very good. But I want to go deeper.

Say good bye to wrong habits in deeds like porn watching edging and chatting but also in the mind from thinking patterns and habits how to use my mind sexually

I allowed such sexualisied thinking to take over in my mind that should have never happened.
I know I can reverse the process and that this all falls off because I did it in the past. It’s not a suppression but much mindfulness and control that leads to purification of my mind.

If a outlet is needed I have one. Surpression may not be as this is the worst misuse of sex energy.

I have to spell out the temptations for myself. Women carry them in numerous ways and these triggers can pull me back if I am not careful and allow this to happen.
Women are NOT to blame but to be adored for their beauty. Any problem or troubles arises in the mans had only and no one else is responsible but the man.

Nevertheless I learned to identify the triggers and temptations and it helps me to spell them out as anything hidden has this hidden power everything identified can’t do any hidden games with the mind. Women are sooo beautiful and tempting in endless ways through their look their beauty their breasts their lips .....
The same temptation coming through sooo many facets targeting the same thing. If I am alert I know each time is a temptation I can be alert before I get hooked. In my case I have endless experience with getting hooked and stepped into it a thousand times. Not hooked I can look at a breast and see it as such and move on before getting hooked. This state of mind I am seeking to reachive.
If I am hooked I want to touch them get aroused have reactions want to edge and awaken my desires. If I give in the devil circle starts.

I want to enter this training for one year that if I see any of the many triggers and not step in. I know it will free me. I did that in the past and with hard work I became free and clean. The life was fundamentally different because I was free and I was not a perverted psycho case. I could be me and not a sicko. This I deeply long again to establish. I have a road map in my head the experience with having done it in the past that leads to liberation from this pest.

As I maintain I know these pattern habits and thinking fall off gradually.
There is a very beautiful life that is a billion times better then the one being on the hook.
This beautiful life I am out to regain

 

3/365
I saw there is a 365 day challenge. I might just drop this one here and join the other.
Today I struggle physically waking up. It is part of the process. I have to endure and this will soon change.

 

5/365
After this serious episode of many hours of edging for several days and many o I have to recover physically. After having been nasty the last days spreading discontent and making others feel uncomfortable day five is always a turning point. I get out of some physical cycle. The world starts brightening up more again and I can regain more of what I am.

 

6/365
It’s soo pitisome to be at just 6 days. Have the same cycle over and over again. Being a real asshole for 6 days. Then get better. Then start struggling again and then to fall into it again.
I am determined I won’t. I have a clear path in front of me. I will manage to apply the methods and insights obtained and stay out.

 

8/365 @
I had a dip for a couple hours. I edged but came out.

I have to do the no training. Meaning no to boobs no to asses that I see especially here on the beaches, no to the many arousal fantasies my mind creates so easily. Train to be in that space of mind where I see and let go. Not allow to attach. I did it before. I am as deeply hooked as I was long time ago.

One day by one day until this falls off. I have a lot of methods I must apply. One is that prior I tried to live abstinent. No sex no porn and fell at a certain point. Now it’s no to everything and yes to sex and intimacy with my wife.

 

6/365
I lost it. I drowned for a few days as I always do then I get back out. Am st day 6 now