37, meditator, porn free for 5 years, looking to help as an AP

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by Soccer14, Feb 23, 2021.

  1. Soccer14

    Soccer14 Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone,

    Why I Want to be an Accountability Partner
    I have been inactive on this forum for quite some time since I have reached a point where I no longer need this forum's support. There was a time when I benefitted a great deal from its support and I would now like to give back by helping those who are in need. I imagine the isolation brought on by COVID-19 has made this issue worse for many people.

    About Me and My Addiction to Porn
    I am a 37 year old male who struggled with porn for some 15 years. I watched 30' - 90' of porn almost every day of the week. Recovering from porn addiction took me about 5 years and I still do not consider myself fully recovered; I doubt I ever will. I can say that I am happier and healthier than I have ever been, have not watched porn in some 5 years, and celibacy is a regular part of my life (for the last 3-4 years I have masterbated at a rate of about once every two months - always without porn or any visual stimuli.). I am an advocate of a celibate lifestyle while single.

    Who I Would be Well Suited to Support
    Whomever finds my story resonating. I attribute my success largely to two things. If they sound attractive to you, we may be a good fit:
    1.) Meditation. Meditation is a huge part of my life. Without meditation I would not have had the success that I had quitting porn. Quitting porn was about more than quitting porn. It was about becoming a better person. It was about aligning my ideal self with my actual self. If you have similar aspirations, we would be a good match.
    2.) I took a rather hard-lined approach with, "digital women". It took many years to get to where I am, but essentially, I do not watch television that involves women. I mostly just watch soccer matches. For many years while I was quitting porn I found it too ambiguous to determine which women on the screen would trigger a biological response (trouble sleeping, muscle twitches, and other physical symptoms) and which would not. It just wasn't worth it. Most television is toxic and detrimental anyway, and I always wanted to read and meditate more. It just didn't seem like a big loss to stop watching movies and television series (and it certainly has not been). The pros outweighed the cons. If I hang out with friends or family, I will occasionally watch a movie involving women. Again, this gets back to taking a holistic approach - becoming a better person in general - living a simple and good life.

    I wish you all success in overcoming your addiction, through whatever means work best for you.

    Eric
     
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2021
  2. WHMvsPMO

    WHMvsPMO Fapstronaut

    How would you describe your mind state during these times in terms of internal porn related thoughts? If you are Buddhist or otherwise familiar I'm thinking of the 3rd of the 4 nutriments in terms of desire and volition.
     
  3. Soccer14

    Soccer14 Fapstronaut

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    Hi WHMvsPMO,

    I do not consider myself Buddhist and don't know what the 3rd and 4th nutriments are. However, I can tell you that my porn-related thoughts have changed profoundly. For example, on meditation retreats I used to have some pretty aggressive fantasies about women...surprisingly aggressive. Over time, with continued meditation and continued abstinence from porn, my fantasies have become so much gentler. Even in my dreams, my sexual fantasies are much more PG -13, sometimes even just PG or even G, rather than, X or XX or XXX.

    In my daily life as well, I rarely find myself seeing an attractive women and thinking explicit thoughts (I actually don't recall the last time this happened). They just don't happen any more. It doesn't require any effort in the moment. The effort was made previously by avoiding porn and meditation. Now, I just enjoy the fruits of my efforts.
     
  4. WHMvsPMO

    WHMvsPMO Fapstronaut

    So I'm curious what tradition of meditation you practice then, just for context?
     
  5. Soccer14

    Soccer14 Fapstronaut

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    Vipassana, as taught by SN Goenka in the tradition of Sayagyi U Ba Kin.
     
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  6. fahpplebees

    fahpplebees New Fapstronaut

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    Also a 37 year old male. Meditator; I'm an atheist (non-religious in addition to not having any theological belief) but have a deep interest in Buddhism and have studied extensively. Mostly interested in the EBT's (Early Buddhist Texts). Have been on a few retreats, including some Goenka. I've been a porn addict for, I don't know, maybe 25 years? I've reached the end; there's nowhere else to go. Started going to therapy for my sex addiction (there's more than just the porn). I would like an Accountability Partner, maybe using HabitShare App as a digital aide. I definitely want to cut out porn, I'm not sure about masturbation - right now I'd rather transmute the energy to getting more in touch with my sensuality - something more like Tantra (the modern sexual aspect, at least). I just think that's a healthier relationship with sexuality. I'm not really wanting to live a monastic lifestyle - maybe when I'm very old.
     
  7. Redpill

    Redpill Fapstronaut

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    Hi, 30 year old male here.

    I have been meditating for quite a long time now, although consistency has been an issue. I consider myself agnostic and my idealogy more closely resembles Buddhism out of any religion.
    My primary aspiration for quitting porn is self actualization. What is more, I enjoy the occasional philosophical discussion to dig deep into why I do what I do.
    I don't plan on living a celibate life style. I aspire towards a healthy and balanced sexual life without porn.
    I would greatly value having an experienced AP such as yourself involved in this journey. Please PM if you think we would be a good fit.
     
  8. Soccer14

    Soccer14 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Redpill,

    Thanks for your interest. At this point in time I have two APs and this feels like a good number at this time. I'm not sure how these relationships will work out, but if they dissolve, I will reach out to you. You're always welcome to send me a question if you have one and I'll do my best to respond.

    I should add that my focus on this forum is to support people in overcoming their pornography addiction, especially through the use of meditation. I'm not here to talk about philosophy or Buddhism or even how to meditate. Though I am fairly practiced, I am not a meditation teacher. If people practice the same technique as I do and have clarifying questions, I will be happy to answer them as best as I can. Otherwise, I just want to offer my experienced based wisdom about using meditation to overcome porn addiction. So keep that in mind if you have a question or if you want to reconsider being APs with me in the future. I really want to focus on the practical aspects of porn addiction recovery and meditation.

    Thanks for your interest, and best of luck!

    Eric
     

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