37 years old mexican sayin' HI to everypony

HI, I'm Cyodar and I'm 37 years old. I'm from Mexico City and I like videogames, technology and animation, I'm also a brony (a grownup male My Little Pony fan.)
I've discovered mast. since I was 13 or so, and I've enjoyed it a lot. I wasn't a huge consumer of porn but as time has passed, I've been using it more often and I've been using crazier genres I dislike in some way but if I'm excited enough I enjoy them at the moment, and then I feel guilty/dirty feeling weird because if I'm honest I wouldn't do those things if I had the change in real life...

I'm married and I have activities with my wife from now and then but not as often as I would like to. If I'm honest, I recognize I mast too often because of stress and anxiety, often about my job or my financial related problems. I'm also codependent, so I can now recognize I do all this in an attempt to cope with my life problems trying to avoid the pain somehow, but this is a no ending roller-coaster. I can use porn or not, but my main problem is mast. as I have tried to stop but I just can't. It's a mixture of I know it would be a good thing to stop it and it's something I like and I know "it's nothing bad and it doesn't hurt anyone" to do this I just happen to like.

But if I'm honest, I can't stop as I have thought things like "well just this one and I'll stop for a week" but my record has been about 3 days then I can't wait anymore and I do it again... I also feel bad about my wife because I love her and she wouldn't feel good knowing I do this, it's not fair for her... I must confront this is not going to alleviate any problem I have but for just a few minutes... I don´t use needles or any drugs but this is almost like it was a drug of some kind... I really need to stop, concentrate in the tasks and challenges of my life and have a more healthier way of thinking. My triggers can be like any normal to beautiful girl walking around, and that's not a good sign as it can detonate anytime. I recognize I deviate my worry thoughts into this subject to avoid them... It's hard to accept but that's the way my mind is working right now...


Greetings and I hope to so some friends here.