371 days hardmode - FLATLINE / PAWS

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Experiment1996, Dec 31, 2020.

  1. Experiment1996

    Experiment1996 Fapstronaut

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    Hello all. I am 24 years old and have done PMO from age 13-22. I was extremely addicted and my sessions went on for hours at a time. I had several tabs open and developed several fetishes. Normal porn was no longer interesting for me. I have never used drugs or alcohol in my life.

    After several streaks I am now at day 371 and I am still on the flatline or PAWS (Post acute withdrawal symptoms).

    I have noticed the following positive symptoms so far:

    - Physical changes: I am no longer skinny. I woke up after 120 days without exercise and my body was suddenly wider. My jawline has improved and my face has gained some colour. I no longer have dead eyes. The almost constant lower back pain has disappeared. It feels like my bones have been strengthened and I have gained some muscles. My prostate seems to have become smaller. -> Too much PMO can cause the prostate to get bigger.

    - Memories: Memories from childhood have come back. I can remember up to the age of 6. I can remember which children I played with and I remember positive and negative events that happened in my life so far. I also remember many details.

    - A new view of the world: I no longer see women as sex objects. For me, women are very beautiful creatures. I want to have a normal, intimate relationship with a woman. I want to get married. I want to do everyday things with a woman like going for a walk, to the cinema, cooking, laughing, etc. Because of the negative symptoms I will list later, I don't want to approach women at the moment.

    I realise that short-term rewards are not the meaning of life. You have to fight if you want something. Successful people are patient. I want to achieve more in my life. My life during my addiction: PMO, videogames, TV, school, work and isolation from the world.

    My whole world view has changed. I no longer blame others for my failures and for my life. I want to work on myself every day to become a better person and to live a happy life.

    -> -> ->

    Unfortunately, I still suffer from the following negative symptoms:

    - Social Anxiety / low confidence: Has improved significantly, but I am still afraid to walk and talk in a group full of people. I still think what the others might think of me. I am afraid of failing in public or doing something embarrassing.

    - Brain Fog: This has improved a little, but is still not perfect. I still have poor focus and concentration. It takes me a long time to make decisions. Sometimes I have trouble expressing myself. When I talk to a person, I can't process information very well. I don't understand so quickly. I sometimes feel really stupid when I talk to people. When I watch TV or read something, I sometimes lose concentration or think about something else. I get distracted quickly. I can't access my thoughts so quickly and then speak them out.

    - Anhedonia: I don't really enjoy anything any more and almost nothing makes me really happy. I pursue my hobbies, such as playing football or billiards, but I don't feel any great joy in them. My feelings seem to be blocked somehow and don't come out. Everything seems to be boring somehow. I don't really enjoy anything any more and almost nothing makes me really happy. I pursue my hobbies, such as playing football or billiards, but I don't feel any great joy in them. My feelings seem to be blocked somehow and don't come out. Everything seems to be boring somehow.

    Low energy: I have almost no energy. I go to work, pursue my hobbies, go for walks, but it feels heavy. I don't feel that energy in my body and mind.

    Low motivation: I find it difficult to motivate myself for normal, everyday things like shopping, walking, working, reading. I have no motivation to learn a new language or to leave the house. I work from Monday to Friday and I have no motivation to work. You can see it in my face.

    Low libido: My libido is weak. I sometimes have morning wood, but it is not very strong. I do not have spontaneous erections. If a woman touched my arm or flirted with me, I would have an erection. I could have an erection and sex with a woman, but I still don't have such a strong desire for sex. My libido is not yet as healthy as it should be.

    Fatigue: No matter how much I sleep, I always feel tired. My whole body and mind feels tired. I can sleep in the evening and then I get tired again through the day and could fall asleep again. I often have the urge to lie in bed or rest.

    Sore muscles / body pain: I have sore muscles or body aches every day, even if I don't do any sport. I can't tell the difference between the two. It feels like my muscles or bones are not quite healed / grown out / stable yet.

    Digestive problems / prostate: I often have hard stools and sometimes constipation. Rarely do I have normal stools. Frequent urination is also a problem for me. My whole stomach area feels strange. I feel a strange pressure in my stomach area every day, no matter what I eat or drink. My prostate is not completely cured yet, as I reported at the beginning. I also can't lose fat and have a "beer belly" even though I'm not fat.

    Wet dreams: Mostly after 7 or 8 days I get a Wet Dream or Nocturnal Emission. In dreams I am very sensitive. If a woman touches me in a dream, I get an ejaculation. After a Wet Dream my negative symptoms are more pronounced. I need 2-3 days until I am more or less normal again. When I have an wet dream, I don't feel joy during the release. It just comes out without orgasm or pleasure.

    Time perception: The time feels a bit strange. I think it's because of the brain fog. Some days I do some things like showering, eating, shopping, walking, taking out the rubbish, vacuuming and it feels like I've done an extreme amount. So I am quickly exhausted, yet only 2-3 hours have passed.

    -> -> ->

    I have had a blood test. My testosterone level is good. I take vitamin D daily and will have to start weekly vitamin B12 injections soon. I will receive an iron infusion which should last for 3 months.

    I personally believe that my flatline / PAWS will end at the end of June. That would be a total of 18 months. I estimate this number because "sikreodds97" went on his flatline for 24 months.

    I have made an effort to make this post as accurate as possible and hope that long flatliners will also get in touch to encourage me. I need your motivation and your answers to start the new year positively. Please help me. It feels like it's going to be a long time.
     
  2. PMO addict1

    PMO addict1 Fapstronaut

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    Anyone please reply.... I m also interested to know the answer
     
  3. DGZ

    DGZ Fapstronaut

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    Did your social anxiety arrive with PAWS? Or have you always been like that?

    Aside from a 10-time binge in December 2019, I've only relapsed twice since August 2019. I think my recovery is going to take much longer because I'm in a relationship. Back when I was single, at 120 days, music started to sound really good. I still haven't experienced that at over 7 months in a relationship.

    It's still up and down for me. I go through periods of social competence and complete social incompetence. But I've seen the good periods, and they are what keeps me going. Life is so beautiful on the other side. Hang in there man. You'll get there eventually.
     
    PMO addict1 likes this.
  4. PMO addict1

    PMO addict1 Fapstronaut

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    I always had social anxiety... But since last 2 years It was quite less .So much that I cant talk to peple without emberessing my self.... In previous nofap streaks I did not get any change in social anxiety whether negative or positive...I had gone 5 months twice ... BUT .. this time again I m close to 5 months .. And this time I am feeling alot of social anxiety.... so much that I even feel awkward to talk even to my mother.... My face freezes.. and eyes and lips twithces... It didnt happen to me ever... ..Nofap is making it worse.
    ..:(But I always had social anxiety...I am fapoing since age of 14... Daily 4- 5 times... now I am 25....
     
  5. Experiment1996

    Experiment1996 Fapstronaut

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    Yes I had social anxiety during my PMO addiction and I have social anxiety now during PAWS. Before my PMO addiction, I had no social anxiety.
     
    Different Built likes this.
  6. Experiment1996

    Experiment1996 Fapstronaut

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    I find it a great pity that so few respond to me.
     
  7. zander13

    zander13 Fapstronaut

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    I've had similar experiences. Just keep moving forward my friend. Replies aren't going to make this process any easier. These websites can help soothe your perception of your symptoms, but they'll never get rid of them. Only time will do that.

    I'm over 14 months and I expect it to take 24+ for me to be feeling like a human again. But If it takes longer, then so be it. Hope this helps. Good work so far! I'm sure this post will help some other people not feel so alone.
     
  8. Survival 3 Man

    Survival 3 Man Fapstronaut

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    well iam a bad addict still struggling to string one day keep going dont be deceived, make sure not to become too confident or prideful because it will deceive you and its evil. Always be humble go on keep going. The bible helps me but long way too go.
     
    Different Built likes this.
  9. PMO addict1

    PMO addict1 Fapstronaut

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    Means u r 14 months clean... and didn't get any benefits????
     
  10. Different Built

    Different Built Fapstronaut

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    I know this is tough man. I’ve been flatlining for 73 days now, not nearly as long as yours but I know how you feel. I have more social anxiety now than I did when I was addicted and have brain fog all the time, especially in the mornings. I was addicted from ages 17-19 and my flatline is still going. Hard to stay positive for sure, wasn’t addicted for that long and still flatlining which surprises me. However, I was having severe withdrawals like headaches and fatigue like 50 days ago and most of that is gone so hopefully my brain is slowly stabilizing. It’s just hard to say man. This shit can take a long time. It might even take me a year or two, who knows. I didn’t feel that addicted but everyone’s brain is different
     
  11. Different Built

    Different Built Fapstronaut

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    Also is it possible that we can only do hard mode for so long? Are we ultimately gonna feel like this until we start smashing?
     
  12. MeTP

    MeTP Fapstronaut

    Hi @Experiment1996

    PAWS and rebooting from PMO addiction is so hard and different from other addictions because it's specificallyabout our own source of energy and mastering it while also coping with stress.
    Part of reboot and PAWS are about overcoming stress (and pain) - what your are experiencing is high level of stress hormones that are accompanied with PAWS and rebooting process itself. Your mind is using stress to make you come back to his supply of pleasure - dopamine. Lack of dopamine is causing stress. High level of stress is also causing you bad sleep - and believe me - without good rest and good sleep your cognitive functions and overall daily wellbeing will be screwed. After reading your description I see it clearly because I was with the same level of stress, fucked up living and I see and feel myself in your post. You are simply stressed, stress hormones are in your blood, and stress hormones are counter to testosterone, so hormonal imbalance causes you feeling bad.
    Brain is about survival and sex is also about survival - MOTHERS NATURE way to let you pick into reproductions is reward after sex and moreover - its also BIOLOGY CONDITIONING PATTERNS way to causing you stress to make you go to old pattern of reproducing. Because your brain with PMO was experiencing constant reproduction and pleasure - so stress is to force you to back to copulating patterns. Its the way mind works - its about INSTINCT and SURVIVAL. Of course it also may be an underlying issues from previous life experiences - only you can figure it out. But right now I clearly see that you are stressed and sleping poor that causes you more stress and it causes you even worse sleep and it causes you more stress etc etc .... Its LOOP.
    Moreover.
    This energy that you saved in your semen is now fueling your thoughts and mood. The more poor thoughts you have about your life and overall, the more you life seems bad, because ROCKET FUEL of semen are making your bad mood and thoughts even bigger and more visible. So it' the reason someone on reboot are on GOD MODE and someone are on miserable mode - doesn't it make a sense ? SAME FUEL - DIFFERENT MINDEST. Thats all.
    Moreover - you have to recognize patterns of ADDICTIVE MIND that developed through PMO addiction. Especially one of the most sneaky ADDICTIVE MIND patterns is sabotage of life,carrer, relationships and daily activities to get quick fix of pleasure. REALLY - how many times during day are you consciously or subconsciously sabotaging your life ? You don't have to make it consciously - actions and results speaks themselves. Sabotage is minds pattern of quick pleasure, it's addiction speaking differently.
    I will write bigger post about PAWS and rebooting, because there are so much there to recognize than anyone can think.

    Going through stress, pain, sleeplesness and all this thing is the GATE that no one can omit. It's the only way.
    I would advise you for now to get only one thing fixed - your sleep - and learn how to relax you muscles and body and mind. See the changes happen when this one will be done. U can use WIM HOF Method to help you into going from fight/flight state into calmness. And also - force yourself to tire you body with sport to channel excess of seminal energy to flow and fuel your body - there so much ROCKET FUEL stored in you - you will start to channel and direct this energy or it will end up bottled in you, making a pressure in you and your head and making you miserable. DONT WAIT UNTIL END OF REBOOT - MASTER YOU ENERGY - BE A MASTER OF YOURSELF - THERE ARE NO EASY SOLIUTIONS AND MAGICAL EVENTS TO HAPPEN TO START LIFE.
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2021

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