4.5 months NoFap, 1 relapse, still have PIED

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by pachaman05, Dec 10, 2019.

  1. pachaman05

    pachaman05 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys. I'm a 25 yold guy doing Nofap since the beginning of August and I had only one relapse. I have PIED and also a girlfriend. Managed to have sex with her but only with me laying down. Whenever I switch positions I loose my erection instantly. My relapse came because I was trying to see if porn is the issue with this. Started by watching a video while laying down and putting a condom and so far so good. But even while watching porn if I switched positions(doggy position, standing up or on the side) my erection would go down to 50%. I made some research on the internet and found out about kegels and reverse kegels. I started doing them last week and i'm doing them everyday multiple times and see a very very small improvement but I'm still in the dark with all of this. I rarely have libido with my girlfriend as well. Anyone has any tips on this or does anyone have experience with kegels and/or reverse kegels?
     
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  2. ewerson18

    ewerson18 Fapstronaut

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    Do you have morning woods?
     
  3. BradM6016

    BradM6016 Fapstronaut

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    i lose my erection when i change positions too. i'm in the same boat as you my man
     
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  4. pachaman05

    pachaman05 Fapstronaut

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    No morning woods
     
  5. ewerson18

    ewerson18 Fapstronaut

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    Have you tried at least 90 days with no PMO?
     
  6. pachaman05

    pachaman05 Fapstronaut

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    I did more than 90 days with No Pmo. As i'm reading more and more I think that kegels are the way to go. Going to do everyday 2 full sessions of kegels and reverse kegels and track my period over the next weeks.
     
  7. ewerson18

    ewerson18 Fapstronaut

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    I just asked this because you said you have a gf, and I thought you probably was doing O. I think you firstly need to know why aren't you having morning woods.

    And also, if you think you have a tight PF, do reverse kegels and stretchings. If you think you have an weak pf, do some light kegels.
     
  8. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    Hello friend.

    This is totally normal, and I actually had a similar experience to you almost a year ago.

    Basically, after a reboot, your mind doesn't find anything arousing enough to achieve high arousal or erections. This is actually the goal of the reboot: to clear your mind of arousal and satisfaction from porn. However, this process takes away your high arousal from real people.

    (This is a problem in your brain, which is why I believe kegel exercises, which happen in the genital area, are not the answer.)

    So, in order to get yourself more aroused and erect for sex, you just have to keep having enjoyable sex. Every time you do, your brain will create a neural pathway, which remembers the sexual pleasure and what caused it (hopefully your partner, accompanied by cuddling, kissing, etc.). Upon encountering your partner again, there will be a higher sexual arousal, and higher erection quality. As long as you keep having enjoyable sex, more pathways will form, and you will have greater erections and arousal each time until both are maxed out.

    Now what is enjoyable sex? In short, if it feels good, keep doing it, and if it doesn't, don't. Your mind will naturally find penetration, kissing, and body-to-body contact arousing and enjoyable, so try to do those first. Varying the different aspects of sex is good to find out what's best (speed, intimacy, positions, etc.), but always do what feels good, not what should feel good. If you lose your erection in a certain position or by switching, don't do it. If jackhammering your girlfriend decreases your erection and arousal, don't do it. If you aren't enjoying the sex, don't do it. If your body and mind don't enjoy a certain aspect of sex, it either means you don't like it at all, or you aren't ready for it. Forcing yourself to do or feel something during sex will make negative emotional connections in your brain, causing you to think negatively about sex, which we don't want. If you are enjoying the sex, but then start losing your erection/arousal, just stop. Your brain will remember the good feelings you had, and then make you more aroused next time. If you try to force it, your brain will associate anxiety, confusion, and anger with sex, which is really not good.

    After my reboot, sex with my (now ex) girlfriend felt very mechanical and biological, like eating or burping. I only had a 60% erection, and could only have sex in missionary and spooning because they were the only positions I could feel anything and stay hard. Many of the first few times, I did not even finish. It felt alright, but it was still frustrating because I wasn't super hard, and I wanted to please my gf with a nice erection.

    I'll try to find it, but another user encouraged me to...
    • stay in the moment
    • focus on my girlfriend
    • focus on the feelings and sensations
    • ignore my erection quality (as long as it was at least semi-functional for sex)
    • don't worry about finishing
    • don't flex your PC/BC muscles or do Kegels
    • just have a good time
    Go into sex with the mindset that you're gonna have a good time, and then just do whatever feels good. Focus on enjoying yourself, your girlfriend, and the sex itself. Don't think of porn, or how hard (or not) your dick is, or worry about pleasing your girlfriend. I'm sure after you porn addiction/PIED, bad sex, and then a 90 day stretch of no pleasure, you enjoying sex with her will make her happier than ever. She'll like the sex if you like the sex. Focus on her and the good time you're having, and soon enough, your erections will get much better, the sex will feel better, and you'll be finishing consistently and under control.

    Now, many people on this thread and in general think that kegels are the answer to this problem, and I heavily disagree. Firstly, PIED is a problem in the brain, not the dick. I can see on your profile that you're 25, and except for some extreme cases (none of which I've heard from personally), guys our age develop erection problems from porn, and not from lack of "dick strength". The best way to increase "dick strength" for sex is just to have sex aha. For a while, I could only have sex in missionary, spooning, cowgirl, and lazy-doggy because my dick couldn't stay hard from either switching positions, positions where blood flowed to my legs easily, or positions where my pelvis moved a lot. After a month of having sex though, exercising those muscles and blood vessels, I was good for any position for any amount of time.

    I've linked some articles from Your Brain on Porn, which is much more comprehensive and helpful than my own words. Feel free to click on the one's you find most relevant. The first one covers the main topics of porn abuse and PIED, the second is an FAQ, and the rest are one's I feel apply more specifically to you.

    Evolution has not prepared your brain for today’s porn
    Porn FAQs
    What does withdrawal from porn addiction look like?
    What stimuli must I avoid during my reboot (did I relapse)?
    Do I have to have sex in order to rewire?
    Started young on Internet porn and my recovery from erectile dysfunction is taking too long.
    How do I know when I’m back to normal?
    Rebooting with a partner: What about sex?
    Porn-induced ED: What do I tell my girlfriend?
     
  9. Cash to Quit

    Cash to Quit Fapstronaut

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    Can you please change your name to "life-saver"?
     
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