I've thought a few times to come here and write a post, I eventually takes a few minutes to do it.
One of the reasons is that I see a lot of journals used as… journals, to post the daily status, I used mine a bit differently to try learning about my addiction, and maybe you'll be curious enough to click on it.
I'm in my 30's. As many of us, I consumed porn as a teenager and the consumption increased as a young adult.
When I first stopped porn at 23, I went to university exchange abroad and had sex for my first time - no coincidence.
Now I'm married with 2 children. I have very little urges, but it happens from time to time - like tonight.
A lot is said on my journal. I'll try to summarize a few points.
I'm a firm believer of continuous improvement. Don't blame yourself if you PMO. Just try to get data (why, how, when…) and move one. Early on, I made the difference between a reset (one-time) and a relapse (several, it can last, you want to avoid).
Also, you need strategy to resist the urge when it comes (walk away, shut down laptop, come to nofap, whatever).
Goals: when you start and reset frequently, maybe start with a calendar, and you just green/red days. As you get better, make small goals. After some point, remove the goal, change to lifetime mindset change.
Read books like Atomic Habits that talk about the importance of environment more than the 90 days or whatever.
Be patient and more kind to yourself. It took years to build the habit, you may not be ready to accept it, but it may take years and quite a lot of relapse and learning to quit.
On my abstinence : I wanted to stop porn and masturbation. The reason was that masturbation could make me relapse the next days.
However, I later found out that masturbation could also help a lot to calm down the urges. And thinking about the impact (in time spent, self-esteem, etc, etc) between Porn and masturbation, I realized that there was in my opinion a 1 to 50 factor, and my goal was to eradicate Porn, nothing more. I keep my energy for other fights and challenges.
On the deeper causes : I honestly think that PMO is better than let's say alcohol, tobacco or other drugs. You may have wired your brain a way, but not harmed your body too much. So in that sense, it may be not have been the worse way to escape the issues many of us have.
Procrastination has been something that started around the same time as Porn and that lasted a very long time, and had real consequences on my life. I tried to educate myself, read as much as possible articles on Google scholar for instance. Then experimented. In the end, it's not a trait, but more a system of habits.
Feel the fear, accept the feeling and move on. Meditate can help if you struggle to feel.
Take care all,
good luck on your journeys
abra
One of the reasons is that I see a lot of journals used as… journals, to post the daily status, I used mine a bit differently to try learning about my addiction, and maybe you'll be curious enough to click on it.
I'm in my 30's. As many of us, I consumed porn as a teenager and the consumption increased as a young adult.
When I first stopped porn at 23, I went to university exchange abroad and had sex for my first time - no coincidence.
Now I'm married with 2 children. I have very little urges, but it happens from time to time - like tonight.
A lot is said on my journal. I'll try to summarize a few points.
I'm a firm believer of continuous improvement. Don't blame yourself if you PMO. Just try to get data (why, how, when…) and move one. Early on, I made the difference between a reset (one-time) and a relapse (several, it can last, you want to avoid).
Also, you need strategy to resist the urge when it comes (walk away, shut down laptop, come to nofap, whatever).
Goals: when you start and reset frequently, maybe start with a calendar, and you just green/red days. As you get better, make small goals. After some point, remove the goal, change to lifetime mindset change.
Read books like Atomic Habits that talk about the importance of environment more than the 90 days or whatever.
Be patient and more kind to yourself. It took years to build the habit, you may not be ready to accept it, but it may take years and quite a lot of relapse and learning to quit.
On my abstinence : I wanted to stop porn and masturbation. The reason was that masturbation could make me relapse the next days.
However, I later found out that masturbation could also help a lot to calm down the urges. And thinking about the impact (in time spent, self-esteem, etc, etc) between Porn and masturbation, I realized that there was in my opinion a 1 to 50 factor, and my goal was to eradicate Porn, nothing more. I keep my energy for other fights and challenges.
On the deeper causes : I honestly think that PMO is better than let's say alcohol, tobacco or other drugs. You may have wired your brain a way, but not harmed your body too much. So in that sense, it may be not have been the worse way to escape the issues many of us have.
Procrastination has been something that started around the same time as Porn and that lasted a very long time, and had real consequences on my life. I tried to educate myself, read as much as possible articles on Google scholar for instance. Then experimented. In the end, it's not a trait, but more a system of habits.
Feel the fear, accept the feeling and move on. Meditate can help if you struggle to feel.
Take care all,
good luck on your journeys
abra
