40 and looking to fix this decade

Thank you , understand now , pmo is everyday now for me , although I’m only day 4 , my thoughts are to relapse , I’m glad I got this far , tbh I need to cut down , once week may be for me

 

Cutting down doesn't work. It gives you the worst of both the addiction and the recovery because you are always both pining for your next hit, but at the same time you are resisting only to give in later on. It is a mentally crushing endeavour.
I would much rather recommend for you to analyse what exactly it is about PMO that you find attractive and/or enjoyable.
And if you truly find it that enjoyable, then why must you go ahead and quit it?
You NEED a reason to quit. A strong one. This is addiction and the nature of addiction is always wanting more and more and never less and less.
But it is not difficult to quit. In fact it can be both easy as well as enjoyable provided you start off in the right and positive frame of mind, and then guide yourself through the mental trickery and deceit the addicted mind tries to keep things from changing.
The good news is it doesn't take nearly as long as 90 days to reboot mentally. The neurochemical imbalances get reset around the 21 day mark. But even before that, if you become clear mentally on the truth of PMO, then it becomes an easy realisation that just because we feel horny or are hard, doesn't mean we have to go through the chore of choking our member till it throws up fluids and energy to leave ourselves exhausted, lethargic and dry-minded.
Everything that good sex does with the person you love, all those good feelings and cozy warmth etc. Basically turn that upside down, and clock it to negative 11, and PMO is about a smidgen worse than that for our mind and body.

 

I hear you , so , can you still make love to the wife ? Would you say that is a relapse
What would you say is a addiction , I can understand watching porn everyday for 3/4 hrs a day , stopping you from doing everyday things , can also see masterbating more than once a day too a tad too much too
But I know a lot of guys that have to cum everyday , a very interesting subject

 

No, intimacy with a partner is automatically out of the ambit of PMO addiction. As you said, people wasting a quarter of the day either watching porn, or pining to watch it, and similarly people cutting themselves and their virility down through self-pleasure are clearly at a loss.
As for guys who just have to orgasm everyday, there literally is no physical need to masturbate for that. That's why nocturnal emissions/wet dreams etc. exist. That's nature's safety valve. That's for those who of course don't have a partner right now.
Otherwise if the urge to orgasm coincides with the urge to make love, then that is the best intent in my humble opinion.
It is when the urge to orgasm is just that: all you want is the climax and you'd much rather just get to it without the "hassle" of sex, like a chore, that you know for sure that you are badly addicted.
It is an interesting subject indeed. One that requires self analysis as well as critical thought upon self reflection. But such is any journey away from addiction.
I believe "addicts" in general are just people who have a need for self reflection and recollection, but we just want to avoid all that difficult and scary process of weighing ourselves up honestly - without both positive as well as negative prejudice, so we turn to whatever allows us to escape ourselves so that we could pretend to not be accountable in our own eyes.
It's honestly the biggest farce of our times if you think about it. Grown men and women, adolescents and children alike too. All just wanting to not be aware, all just seeking anything to numb their sense of being alive.
We are the lucky ones, those who have had enough of this. And want to get out of this prison of self-misery and wastefulness.
That is why I say, try, and believe to be happy in recovery from day one. Because we have realised our bad choices. And now are free of all that mess so long as we do not listen to its mental noise. It can get loud sometimes, hence the collective moping of urges as well as black depression during recovery. I probably had the worst of it during my initial attempts on here. Since I always thought this was my Everest. So my mind took the opportunity to make everything that difficult for me. Now no matter what, I do not overblow things out of proportion, and that has helped me to think straight even if the noise inside becomes infuriating, I know that I am not bound to listen anymore. I owe my addiction and my addicted mind nothing. I am free of its BS. And I find that knowledge to be a marvelous feeling of elation.

 

Awesome reply , some of it went over my head but I see where you coming from
I get the impression it’s sounds like we are committing a sin for just PMO
Some people I guess it’s fine just to watch P/M , are happily married
Some guys enjoy the release and feelings of PMO , I don’t know the real answer , the truthful answer
I have seen so many you tube vids on , pros / cons of NoFap , semen retention , I’m getting confused really in to what is right / wrong

 

From a wife’s point of view.... porn is a super stimulus that activates the dopamine to abnormal amounts. It’s what makes it so pleasurable with the reinforcement of orgasm and all the chemicals that releases. Can you view porn and not become addicted? Yes. But it doesn’t change that it’s still a super stimulus that is unnatural. Once addicted you begin using more and more either content becomes more extreme, or amount. This floods your brain with chemicals that damage the frontal cortex. I have known my husband for 33 years. I saw the gradual changes porn had on him both physically and mentally. He saw the changes, but neither of us knew what caused them. He is now 1 year and 4 months clean.... he has a deeper voice, a stronger jawline, so much more hair, mostly in his chest. His penis is about an inch bigger. He had pied for 5 years, it’s completely gone. His penis looks so much better! It’s softer to touch, way more sensitive to my touch as well. Hes more thoughtful, more productive, kinder, and more present. His eyes are so much brighter and he smiles so much easier. He takes joy in small things he wouldn’t notice before. I could go on and on.

 

Hi @David2018, all the best to you! If you want to join 'The Matrix' challenge click here> 'The Matrix'

 

So, what are you actually doing to stop? Do you understand the addiction cycle or your inner, middle, and outer behaviors? Does your wife know of your addiction? Are you in sa or saa groups or counseling? Just wanting to stop will not be enough. I’m sure you’ve wanted to stop for a long time.

 

I’m getting to day 7 and I’m hopeless , had to have a go
I just don’t know how guys can do it , NoFap for months , no I can’t do it
I love watching woman and get so horny when I’m in town ,
It’s human nature, I’m glad I don’t watch porn for hrs a day , I’m only 5 min and I’m done

 

@David2018 + @daveym - have you guys tried blockers and/or accountability partners. I'm taking a tougher approach this year as it's also been a longterm battle for me, and new years proved too big a hurdle this time around. There's some good posts on this forum - https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...-aid-easy-streaks.272658/page-15#post-2863604

If you wanna chat on blockers, or in the right space to try an AP, feel free to PM