40+ and never had a girlfriend

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by zx125, Oct 26, 2016.

  1. zx125

    zx125 Fapstronaut

    I am 40 years old and I have never had a girlfriend. I have always wanted to have a relationship but I have never had the confidence to get to know women and ask them out on a date. I have had social anxiety disorder and I think this greatly contributed to my lack of experience in this area.

    Is it possible to start having relationships when you have spent so long without having them? Where do you start when you want something but you have no experience of it and no way of getting it. I would like to experience this area of life but I am unable to do so. Is there any hope for someone like me to ever have a relationship?
  2. Marfap12

    Marfap12 New Fapstronaut

    Hi I would highly recommend you check out these guys, I am my mid 40s and found them useful. The Art of Charm is about helping guys become the best most authentic attractive person they can be. The details below will take you to a set of totally free podcasts (no sign up) that will give you the basic social and interpersonal skills that you would find useful.

    I think they would be an excellent place for you to start straight away.

    Look up the artofcharm on Google

    Then select their aoc toolbox
    Maddey likes this.
  3. Baroque

    Baroque Fapstronaut

    Your profile says you're 38.
  4. zx125

    zx125 Fapstronaut

    I see there's not many people in the sae situation as me, maybe I am the oldest person here who's never had a relationship.
    Thanks Marfap I will check that out.
    I must have made a mistake when I signed up, Its only two years out.
    Deleted Account and Marfap12 like this.
  5. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

    You can do it man. I know you can. My words may sound like empty motivation but I truly believe if you are a human being capable of typing in nofap forums and claiming to have lack of courage and anxiety that you are capable of going trough the path of finding a gf. Just think about it. All the best man.
  6. Like anything it's probably best to start small. Instead of saying to yourself, "I will ask that woman on a date", say, "I'll look her in the eye and say hi". It doesn't matter how she reacts. If she ignores you, you've still accomplished your goal. Once you've done that, try something a little harder.

    Just a suggestion anyway.
  7. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

    I think you should try some dating websites like Tinder and E harmony or something. People usually do these things out of convenience like if you work a lot of hours for example. My friend used Tinder and look where she ended up. She found a boyfriend within four months. Give it a try.
    zx125 likes this.
  8. zx125

    zx125 Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the advice.
    Somebody I know suggested online dating , I am registered with a few sites but I have never really done anything with them. Maybe I will try again. It is frustrating, Lacking experience and not being able to have romantic relationships. I always see women who I am attracted to but I never have the confidence to talk to them.
    Floweringlife and Namekian23 like this.
  9. Jae

    Jae Fapstronaut

    Keep faith, you'll find her! Confidence is everything, by the way. You could be a 2 with great confidence which could bump you up to a 7.

    Every seen twd? Norman Reedus isn't that great looking but with his swagger, he has girls fainting at the mention of his name.
  10. vulture175

    vulture175 Fapstronaut

    You don't need a girlfriend to be happy. Fulfillment is already inside you. You yourself is your girlfriend, the person who only understands you.
  11. I've had several girlfriends from online dating, including my current girlfriend. I would highly recommend it since you can get to know each other without having to actually interact in person. When you finally do meet, you already know about each other and it helps break down the wall of social awkwardness because you already have a ton of things to talk about since you already talk to each other online. It's the easiest way to date, I think. Getting dates in person is quite a bit harder. It didn't used to be, but the world is used to online interaction now. My girlfriend's mom met her current husband online as well. Just be honest with yourself and don't try and be something you're not. You'll find someone. Just remember you don't need anyone to make you whole.
    lgustavoms and Floweringlife like this.
  12. pikachutko363

    pikachutko363 Fapstronaut

    I met my wife though cupid.com in 2006. I was 30 when I started to date. I was just not confident enough to talk to women before. It is possible to find a meaningful relationship online. Just make sure you weed out the crazies, the mean one's, and the ones you are not attracted to.
    When you do meet a woman of substance, ask her questions. They love that. Women like to talk, they also like a man who listens to them. Make sure to pay attention to what she is saying. When she asks you questions answer them honestly. Also, this may seem obvious, bring her flowers. If you want more advise message me and I will try to help.
  13. Hope there is.

    But you gotta start moving forward. Social anxiety tends to come from a lack of confidence. Do something that puts you out there but let's you interact with other people not necessarily as a social engagement. I suggest martial arts--build you physically, makes you strong mentally. And hey, the ladies dig it. It's not a social thing per se but over time you will come to know fellow students.

    And online dating is great for introverts. I have several friends who found The One via online dating. Don't deny yourself.
  14. In nature everything is balanced, if there is 40 year man without relationship, then there may be woman too with the same specification, but you need to get out of your comfort zone, start talking to strangers, wherever possible in metro, cafe,etc. that will boost your confidence in talking, and you can try online dating but now a days lots of fake profiles are there and if you became victim of any it will only get you depressed,so be aware of them, there is never wrong time to the right thing... :p:p
    Tommy_0113 likes this.
  15. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

    Have you thought about why you'd like to have a girlfriend? Seriously. If you meet a female that you really enjoy the company of, and you think she might enjoy being in a romantic relationship with you, then THAT'S the time to start thinking you'd like to have a girlfriend. Otherwise, right now you're just telling yourself that you don't have something that you feel you need, or that others have and you don't.

    With that said, it is absolutely possible for a 40-year-old man to begin a relationship, having never been in one. It's not absolutely necessary for your survival or even your happiness though. Relationships are also a risk to your emotions, so you will need to be prepared for heartbreak, just as much as you're prepared to feel amazing. My suggestion is to cultivate your own happiness. Do things that make you feel healthy and good. People naturally want to be around happiness. They will pick up on it. It doesn't guarantee a girlfriend but it's a good start.
  16. Frühlingstimme

    Frühlingstimme Fapstronaut

    If you really want it, and if you do not expect your future bride to be a top model, Yes, Of course you can.

    I'm 30, never had a girlfriend, but I do not really want one. Actually, if you want to marry, it's one of the easiest and most fun things to do. What is hard is endure the marriage when she wakes in a bad mood :eek:
    Deleted Account and badeae1 like this.
  17. Joe peasci

    Joe peasci Fapstronaut

    Some of u guys have suggested to practice social skills.. All self help things suggest this, but going up to a girl and saying hi will make u feel more insecure.. I did pickup for 6 months,, I stepped out of my comfort zone by approaching girls talking face to face let alone merely saying hi, I approached like 50 girls.. And what I learned is that social anxiety is unlike other fears where u have to face them directly.. I saw no changes from these approaches because it's not a matter of facing ur fears atleast not until u become happy and content.. Wat I mean by that is that ur mind unconsciously knows that ur talking to girls to "fix a problem" the girl can see through ur emptiness.. Girls are attracted to guys who are happy for independent reasons.. U need to establish a high self esteem absent of the social world.. And then face ur fear when ur feeling good to put ur hard work into motion (nofap, exercise, yoga, purpose..) all this stuff can cut your social anxiety in half and probably more.. I can promise u if u attempt to improve urself socially under brain fog and the need to fix a problem, things are not going to end well for u.. U will hit rock bottom.. I'm talking to all insecure guys out there
    antycorpo and F50C137YZ like this.
  18. hi i feel your pain...I dont know how to get back in the game of dating I am also almost 40 i had my first gf at age 25 and my second one at age 31 since then nothing nothing yes i have sex once in a long long while mostly i just watch porn and do everything on my own .... i am tired of that i want to change my life for good i know i am not a loser but lately this addiction
    is making me feel like one i know how to talk to girls i know that if i really wanted a gf i could have one its just that i am so messed up inside my head that i dont know what i want anymore i m afraid of real emotions of the pain so i have trained my mind to just look for pleasure very very hard to feel now....all i want is sex sex and hard to deprogram my head and all of this years of porn addiction leftme very unstable, i think the first thing you gotta do is learn how to talk to girls just be yourself
    try to keep the conversation going try to find clues about them learn how to read body language is easy when you know you got their attention ,,,see i am good at reading people thats probably the reason why i know how to talk to them be confident its ok to
    be nervous its ok just believe in yourself believe me i was so shy so afraid till i started reading about self improvement and how to have confidence believe me when you are confident you get their attention just read a little educate yourself about how to talk to the ladies study study and little by little practice it you know something simple like hi good morning how you doing then anything just pick a subjest well good luck hope you get a gf this year
  19. harry31

    harry31 New Fapstronaut

    I don’t think you’ll find anyone as shy as me in the whole world ! I tried a lot of ways to get gf but nothing worked cuz of lack of confident ! What I did was I bought a nice headset and hooked it to my phone and went next to the beach ! I listened to happy musics kinda naturally gave me some unknown confidant and I just went to a beautiful girl with smile and started having a quality conversation with her , the way I could not believe it’s actually me talking with that confident to a beautiful lady ! Tbh nothing happened cuz at the end I got abit shy to ask for her number but this really naturally boost your confident the way you can not believe it ! Try it
  20. Dudewiththeproblem

    Dudewiththeproblem Fapstronaut

    I feel you, me myself will get to that age soon enough.. Hooker is not an option for me. Best case scenario i would be so nervous i could not function.. I am not a trusting person and its gone way downhill the last couple of years as society climate has changed alot around here. Fraud rate has gone up like crazy in all areas, probably end up robbed and beaten with my luck. Ofc there are legal sex clubs in other countrys but that is a seemingly impossible yourney for a lonley virgin doing by himself.

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