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40 days almost, done

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Rauros, May 8, 2016.

  1. Rauros

    Rauros Fapstronaut

    I've been reading this forum for some time, never posted anything, but now I want to give something back to the community.
    It may also make me feel better and more motivated if I write things down.
    I apologize in advance for any grammar mistakes I make, English is not my native language.

    First, a little introduction. I don't know if people actually want to read this, but I'll write it anyway.

    I am a 24 year old male.
    I've been mastrubating since I was 12 or 13.
    First I used my imagination, then came high speed internet and of course porn.
    Now I don't know if I was ever a porn addict, I can't recall watching any really messed up shit, at least not for pleasure and excitement, but today I don't consider myself a porn addict.
    Actually, during this last streak, today counting 39 days, I watched porn several times and it was once or twice I got aroused, and that was to that sensual porn, where they act like it's intimate and stuff, which is not that bad.

    During those 12 years, there wasn't more than 45 days that I did not mastrubate or have sex.
    I always knew it was draining me, but never stopped for long enough.
    I was a bad student, I was lazy, I never stood up for myself, I was scared and so on.
    Physically I started losing hair when I was about 17, had very bad acne, which does not really go well with my average looks.
    The last 3 years were really the worst.
    Didn't have a girlfriend, lost almost all connections with friends, lost my father.
    I realized I have an impulse disorder, depression, very bad habit of picking acne which resulted in a lot of scarring and had very bad insomnia.
    Losing my father wasn't the worst thing that happened to me, actually it made me much more of a man than if he was still alive, since he was way to mellow to me.

    But during this time I mastrubated a lot. And when you get in your 20's you start realizing what you are doing with your life.
    I had anxiety attacks that caused headaches.

    It was then I started searching the internet for solutions, reading books and all that.
    I read a lot, but still I was depressed and anxious.

    Then I started NoFap, which I of course struggled with, but somehow once managed to get to 42 days i believe.
    It was then I realized how powerful this is, but my monkey brain somehow convinced me I need to mastrubate, and reversed things.
    After several 20-30 day streaks, and lots of relapsed I got to this point, which is far from a perfect streak.
    During this streak I was about to fuck a hooker, but didn't do it( that experience changed my point of view and I am thankful for it, don't ever think of fucking hookers), I was edging, watching porn.
    I had some withrawal symptoms during the first 4 weeks, but it wasn't too bad, not like it used to be before.

    Then, 2 weeks ago things started changing, and it is unreal.
    I may have had 3 anxiety attacks, which I handled in a second without any problem with my mind.
    I haven't had any severe mood changes like I used to have, I feel good all the time, except those times I actually feel invincible.
    During that time I feel invincible, I question my sanity, because I can't understand what is happening to me.
    I am more motivated, present.
    I sleep better and didn't have any insomnia.
    All this reduced stress and better sleep made me stronger, which I can see in the gym.
    Had a single breakout on my face, only one little pimple. It used to be at least one daily.
    I am an introvert and not really good among people which I don't know good, but I feel things are getting better with that. I am working on my communication skills, asking more questions, smiling more, starting conversations.
    I haven't noticed any changes in my voice (not that I care, but people wonder), but I am probably more grounded.
    As for women, I haven't noticed any more looks and that, not that I care either. I used to get looks and smiles from women before, and I don't see any dramatic difference. At least not yet.

    I used to get mad in the traffic if someone did something stupid, or said anything bad about me, ridiculed me, now, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
    If he really did not leave me alone, I would smack him in the face.
    I believe you shouldn't lose your temper immediately, but you shouldn't take too much either. Life is short, you have only one chance, don't take too much of insults.
    As for hair growth, haven't noticed anything, nor do I think it will help.
    I have accepted my premature balding and I feel fine with it.

    I believe I covered most things people talk about and want to know about.
    Ask for an answer if you have any additional questions.

    I am not a religious person, I am an Agnostic.
    I was skeptical about all this semen retention, buddhist lifestyle talk, thought people are over exaggerating things (expecially on reddit, and I would not recommend it for motivation).
    Now I see there is much more to it, even tho science can't really explain it.
    Don't know why I haven't had this effect earlier, on my longer streak.
    Maybe you need to fall many times before you start changing, maybe it's placebo.

    All I know is I feel better than ever.
    Now I worship my semen like a unexplained source of power, and will never again waste it in the trash bin or a napkin. Only a woman can have my power.

    I invite all of you who read this to do the same.
    Think of your semen as a source of power, and I hope it will change your mind and thoughts like it changed mine.
    Don't get discouraged by failure, embrace it and don't stop trying.
    Last edited: May 8, 2016
  2. meth42

    meth42 Fapstronaut

    Well done, make sure you dont go back go it.

    Have you had any withdrawal symptoms? Care to talk about them?
  3. Rauros

    Rauros Fapstronaut

    Yes, in the beginning. Earlier streaks were much worse than this one tho.
    Mood swings were horrible, and that was the time i usually relapsed, to escape that state with a hit of dopamine.
    Some days I woke up feeling good, than during the day I got extreme anxiety and panic attacks. Those feelings were changing during the day.
    Some activities, like watching youtube would trigger them.
    Can't really think of anything worse than that.

    I embraced my lack of interest in sex as a good thing.
    After all, there is much more in life than sex, and if I can't get it at this moment, I will focus on other things which I can get.

    Some days I tried to rationalize why I should mastrubate, remembering things i read, that mastrubation is good against prostate cancer.
    Had to really think things trough not to do it.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  4. Good job man and thanks for sharing.
    Rauros likes this.
  5. Lonely daddy

    Lonely daddy Fapstronaut

    Thank u for your inspirational words!
    Rauros likes this.
  6. Keep going you are almost at the finish line, I'm rooting for you.
    Rauros likes this.
  7. RetroMike

    RetroMike Fapstronaut

    Great job man and thank you for sharing your story!
    Rauros likes this.
  8. anonymoushuman1

    anonymoushuman1 Fapstronaut

    M at your age doesn't help against prostate cancer.

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