40 days free from P. today! But not feeling like it...

Today marks my 40th day free from P., (Did M. a few times within those 40 days, though tried not to, and currently 7 days free from M.) and I do feel better overall, and this is the longest I've been sober from P. in a long, long time.
I have vague memories of possibly going 2-3 months without P. in my late-teen years and early 20s, but within the last few years for sure the longest I've been sober is 35 days.
However, even though I am feeling a little bit better and happier, I'm still feeling some negative effects... a lot, actually.
I still have brain fog, trouble focusing, a little bit of anxiety sometimes, sometimes irritability, and I still get a lot of negative thoughts.
I also, when I start thinking about P., (not in a tempting way, but in regards to my current situation / sobriety), I still feel kind of... guilty. I don't know why. I still feel like I'm subconsciously holding onto guilt from all the times in the past when I relapsed, or something along those lines. I feel like I'm still scared of people (be it family or strangers) knowing that I PMO, even though its been 40 days since last - and I also feel like (just maybe) I might be a little bit scared of having another relapse and it's not allowing me to fully live and enjoy life presently.
I think there is a lot going on in my mind and emotions that even I don't quite fully understand, but this is the best way I can interpret it, and hopefully someone can shed some light on it for me or share a similar experience.

UPDATE:
I think I just realized *one* of my problems after writing this. I think I tend to focus on this whole thing way too much. (My P. addiction, my sober streak, making sure I stay sober, and - oh no, now here come the guilty thoughts and feelings, and the stress from focusing on it so much, and the self-conscious and anxious feelings when in public... etc etc.)
I think that's one of my problems. I believe that I'm thinking way too much about all of it, and while it is good that I'm determined to kill my P. addiction once and for all, I think I've allowed myself to become too consumed by it.
I think that focusing on P. in any form, even when it is from the standpoint of someone trying to break free from it, can be more detrimental than it can be helpful. It's always in the back of my mind because of it, always in my thoughts, and therefore reviving that guilt that I feel, and just simply fueling my anxiety and fears and other negative emotions.
I think I need a serious change of focus. I just brought myself a little bit of enlightenment writing/reading my own post, lol.
Would still love to see some further input or advice though.