Here is an exercise I did with my pornography coach. It was powerful and helpful. You make a list of 40 things your partner lost due to your acting out, addiction, abuse, cheating, etc. I am working on one for my kids as well. Not all of these will seem directly related to pornography use. I had a description next to them that for confidentiality purposes I left out. Her voice Sexual safety Time with her family Sleep The ability to give her full self to our kids The right to relax or make a mistake or be angry or do anything that I would criticize Her ability to explore her own feelings Her peace Healthy body Friends Financial security Confidence in listening to the Holy Ghost Doubting in Christ Her dreams of what a marriage should have been Her right to have private conversations Her right to feel pain when abused Personal time Accurate perception of her from my family The right to wake up when she wanted to Ability to love me in my imperfection A protector A friend A co-parent Enjoying her pregnancy/ newborns Taking care of screaming babies Being able to Mom how she wants to Her right to say “no” Healing from previous trauma The right to stand up for her kids against abuse Being believed Time with the kids The ability to believe her gut Her right to be late What it means to be loved by someone else A wonderful wedding day The opportunity to serve a mission The ability to trust what I say Her preferences The right to choose intimacy with a safe partner To be loved unconditionally by her spouse If you are so inclined to add your thoughts hear I would love to hear other perspectives as I keep working on this.
