400+ Days of Reboot!

The following is translated from China’s Jiese forum.


Why write this thread? Because my emotions and feelings are too strong! I feel light emitting from the bottom of my heart, fillled with compassion. Moreover I got bigger calves, and my complexion improved a lot. I felt a lot of emptiness and suicidal thoughts in the past, memory decreased, unable to articulate words...such feelings put me under constant pain. Every minute is agonizing. Nowadays from reading rebooting articles and cutting out sexual fantasization I felt the changes are real.

Below I will tak about my rebooting journey. I am 21 years old, been PMOing for 8 years, and stayed up for long nights for 4 years. I also barely did any exercise at the time, so I felt both my mind and body rotting away. I first saw a xxx film when I was ten. There was a fifteen year old in our village who invited my brother and I to his house, at the time he was bashful and horny, my brother was 8 years old and I was 10. From that moment on, the seed of evil was planted. Followed that was 8 years of evil debauchery, I dragged my brother down with me. Just to mention what happened to that village kid; he is now 26 years old, proposed to marry girls but was rejected by forty different families. His face has a ghostly tint with no liveliness. Such a filth comes from within; comes from evil debauchery. Last month I talked to him, he seemed very stupid and lacked brainpower. I felt as if I was talking to a walking zombie with no energy and zest. As you can see chronic masturbation can ruin one’s spirit.

When I was 10 I started evil debauchery, soon after I began killing many things; lobsters, fish, birds, all kinds of killing! After a year of depletion from masturbation I started to get social anxiety. During sixth grade my brainpower lacked so much that I can’t even memorize the meaning of simple English words, so I failed every English test. My average score was about 50, the teacher was shocked and asked me what’s wrong with you?!

Unfortunately I got left back during 8th grade. As I continue to PMO, my complexion slowly transitioned to monstrous deformity, my eyes sluggish and lacking spirit, light illusion symptoms started to appear near my peripheral vision, I was also bullied a lot.

At the time I was addicted for 3 years, my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer. I asked for leave from the school to visit my grandpa on his deathbed. When he passed away, I wanted to cry but tears won’t come out. On some nights I was able to cry myself to sleep. The indulgence did not cease, but I stated anew with greater intensity while fantasizing about my female classmates.

At the time I would often have nightmares, and I was also afraid to go to sleep. Often I would wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare and find myself covered in cold sweat.

When I got to fourteenth grade I started staying up at night. Our teacher was a distinguished and strict man. Everyone is afraid of him. He watches our dorm rooms until 3 in the morning. Those who were caught staying up at night would get pimp slapped by him. I can say that was a dark time since I got my pants pulled down a lot and humiliated in front of the class. At the time I was afraid to stand up for myself. The words of the saints point out that those who indulge in evil acts will suffer from negative consequences.

When I enrolled in high school, the porn addiction did not stop. Due to years of depletion the damage has been done to my nerves. I became neurotic. I often stayed up at night to play video games. I didn’t have any real friends, not to mention any female friends. I lost the fundamentals of being a human being. I was also anorexic, bullied and beaten by other classmates. Now thinking back...they did a good job beating some sense into me, what the fuck was I doing staying up at night wasting my life addicted to porn and video games?! My gaze was dark and decadent. How can such a person get along with anyone? I often got into fights in class, I realized many people in the class are also addicted to porn and masturbation. They would often watch porn and read hentai. Almost the whole class knows which ones are good. The only good thing was that I didn’t know how to download xxx movies, otherwise my nerves would have been tormented even more.

Although I can solve complex AP physics equations, I lost more more vitality during junior year of highschool. I don’t even have the energy to sit properly! At night I had insomnia, I had severe anxiety, fear and depression. My body was so weak that I was put into the hospital. I was told that my liver was extremely weak. My pulse was weaker than a 60 year old. Yet I still continued to masturbate. Sometimes I would indulge in multiple sessions at a time. Thinking back... I am so sorry for my parents, I’m so sorry that I let them down like that, they shed so much tears for me, yet I didn’t care and thought they were being a nuisance. I was such a piece of sh*t.

After I left the hospital I went back to school. I continued to stay up at night for 2 months. I was surprised that I didn’t die at the pc cafe. Once I stayed up for a week straight. I spent massive amounts of time on forums about video games. Eventually my conscience told me that I must take care of myself from now on. I thought about changing my sleeping habits, but being unable to articulate words properly I was misunderstood, bullied and rejected. What’s sad was that I thought I was compassionate. How ludicrous?!

Eventually I can’t stand the loneliness anymore so I decided to take two months off from school to recover my health.

The following day I ingested information on rebooting and NOFAP. I became aware about the harm of masturbation and finished “rebooting as best remedy” in a month, I also looked at many highlighted cases of brothers who suffered from negative health impacts from masturbation. From that day on I decided to say goodbye to various bad habits. I began health cultivation and rebooting.

The first month was hell on earth. Since I had tinnitus, my ears would ring like a world war 2 bomber as I tried to sleep, I’m also afraid of ghosts, afraid of the dark, afraid of sunlight.

The second month I started to play basketball. As I tried to play I strained my tendons seven times, soon my leg got swollen. I also started to eat healthier for health cultivation.

Fast forward one year and a half, I have found Buddha scriptures to read which gave me strength and serenity.

Firstly, my nails look very healthy, with a white crescent moon on the bottom, the thumb is the most obvious!

2, Before NoFap I wanted to kill myself, everyday I thought about it, I called my family and told them I have depression. Now days I have goals and hopes towards my future. Everyday I do standing exercises and I felt my memory improved vastly. My heart is easily filled with joy as my suicidal thoughts disappeared without a trace.

3, The change of my complexion is a main contributor to my happiness, I also obtained great wisdom from reading traditional Chinese teachings and Buddha scriptures. From now on I want to do good deeds and accumulate good virtue.

4, I’m starting to see some gains on my calves. Back when I used to masturbate I lost almost 100 strands of hair every day, it was like wild grass. Now my hairline has fully recovered, and I no longer lose hair.

5, now I have the courage to talk to all those girls that I wanted to talk to. I can easily talk about the positive topics to them. I no longer harbor dirty thoughts! As soon as they arise I eliminate them

6, I no longer have trouble maintaining eye contact with people, my posture has improved greatly. I feel my yang energy recovering as I reboot.

I can’t say I completely recovered, but I’m starting to feel alive and normal again. I can do standing exercises for an hour at a time. One year ago I couldn’t even stand for 5 minutes. My experience is that we must persevere doing good deeds and stay vigilant of our thoughts, only then the fire can be lit up again in our hearts. And there won’t be as much obstacles in the way as we do things. When trouble arise, we must stay calm and confident and face the problem head on. But those who are addicted to PMO cannot obtain such a mental state. Those who indulge are cowardly, shake as they speak to a crowd, sweat, unable to speak clearly, overly sensitive and doubtful and afraid of confrontation.

To reiterate, one must persevere in doing good deeds and accumulate positive energy, this is the fundamentals of recovery as well as the fundamentals of our fate. What goes around comes around. Why did I not believe in any of this before? That’s because there was so much negativity floating around my head!

Now days I do standing exercises, take a walk, jog, sun bath and practice tai chi. After health cultivation I felt like my essence recovered tremendously

I feel satisfied down to my soul, as if I blew away a layer of fog. Thinking back to those days it felt like living hell. Sitting is uncomfortable, standing is uncomfortable nothing is comfortable, my brain felt like it was flooded with water, dumb and sluggish. After reading soaring eagle’s rebooting as best remedy, I had a thorough understanding of the harm of masturbation and the tools to use when cutting out sexual fantasization.

Cutting out sexual fantasization is a major checkpoint in our rebooting journey. If one is able to properly cut off the thought once it arises, one will be able to control and maintain ourselves. No matter what, thoughts will arise, the act of cutting off such thoughts is the practical application of our rebooting study. If one is able to control the thoughts, we can succeed and achieve total control and serenity, if not, what follows will be failure!

I hope you can take something valuable away from this fellow brothers experience sharing!

I can relate to this brother on a personal level...it felt as if it was myself writing this article.

More articles are on the way, follow me if you want more!

Stay strong,

-naturehigh

 

Absolutely! The china's Jiese forums is a gold mine. More translations will be on the way, follow me to keep yourself posted

 

I'm glad you found the article helpful!

 

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