400+ Days PMO Free - Time To Close The Counter

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by aps1991, Aug 19, 2018.

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  1. aps1991

    aps1991 Fapstronaut

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    Hi,

    I've now been PMO free for 406 days - an achievement I never thought possible. I've now made a bold decision to stop counting my days PMO-free and give myself permission to engage in M and O if I so wish. I have not taken this decision lightly.

    If you read my previous posts you'll see the psychological brutality with which I approached my abstinence over the last 13 months. A lot of harsh judgements and absolutes to live up to. This brutalist approach to life more generally has served me well for 27 years, but has been a massive hindrance across my wider emotional life. The number of relationships I've destroyed or never countenanced due to my black and white thinking are huge. The price I paid for external success was internal misery. I've spent my entire life trying to attain validation through external achievements that have hard thresholds that I have to clear (e.g. salary level, house, car, world-class degree). Because I was unable to embrace the vague, the immeasurable, the mitigated (e.g. the ebb and flow of human relations, being content with oneself, the legitimate reasons why others may not be as determined to succeed as I am) I missed out on everything good that exists in life between those external achievements.

    My PMO counter was a powerful motivator in my early abstinence days, but now it's become another yardstick that I use to measure myself against other men (who I'm not even in competition in). It's now another prop in the toxic and limiting form of masculinity that I was raised with and embraced with no question.

    Masturbation in and of itself is not right or wrong. It's only a problem if it's being used as a core substitute to emotional fulfilment or is impeding day-to-day life or relationships. What I've learned from this entire experience is that you can make whatever choice you want in life - you just need to be very clear with yourself about the pros and cons of that choice, what purpose that choice is serving you and hold yourself responsible for the outcomes. It's been sobering to read about and watch smokers and anabolic steroid users discuss very cogently why they do what they do and the ownership they take of their actions. No choice is inherently good or bad - it simply serves a particular purpose in a particular context. The good or bad comes from the level of responsibility taken for that choice.

    I'm acutely aware of the slippery slope that this 'unleashing' presents to me. My biggest fear is that I'll return to where I started and have to start PMO abstinence over again. But I'm also aware that the upside is that this could be one of many areas in my life that I can now give myself the flexibility and permission to be imperfect in. That I don't have to hold myself to God/Spartan/monk-like standards just so I can feel superior around other men (and people generally). At the very least I can mitigate the downside in full knowledge that I can quickly identify when my behaviour becomes a problem and can abstain from PMO again if needed. If I do slip then it doesn't invalidate the courage, determination, commitment, discipline and drive that I've shown in this and every other life endeavour to date. Failure doesn't eradicate existing success. Everything that's great about me as a person will remain intact regardless of outcome.

    In no way am I suggesting that any of you should quit your abstinence. For the vast majority of you continued abstinence is the right choice. I'm making a choice for myself. The key learning from this post is the thought process I'm following to make that choice.

    I can only hope that my posts over the last 13 months have been of use to the wider community. Their posts were invaluable to me in my early days of abstinence - I thought it would be remiss of me to not return the favour. Thank you for the likes and the messages of gratitude for my previous posts. I wish you all the best in your continued endeavours.

    Andrew
     
  2. Vedas_fr

    Vedas_fr Fapstronaut

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    I greatly disagree with that sentence. However congrats for the 13 months.
    I don't think you should go back to self stimulation, and in fact i don't think you will trully come back to it when you will realize once again how draining and unbalancing it is for you. You probably take it for granted, but your energy level and confidence will start to lower.
    Abstinence is not supposed to be brutal, that's quite the opposite. But your personnal approach of life make it seems that you are "pitta" dominant, with a lot of capacity for anger/ motivation /competition / desire / passion... You might need to cool that down a bit.
    Anyway ultimately the point of abstinence is to accumulate and direct energy in other directions than basic animalistics pleasures, especially on a spiritual and personnal perspective, where your evolution is not slowed down or stopped by focus on such desires. That's why you need to drop earthly desires or at least tone them down in order to progress in your existence, and even as i believe be able to change your experience of life and future lives / post mortem experience, but these are my beliefs of course, you don't have to share them.
    So if you Nofap to make money, then you might as well get girls for sure....
     
  3. leo da king

    leo da king Fapstronaut

  4. pcmaster

    pcmaster Fapstronaut

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    Once you break the big break it will get harder and harder to abstain. If its been addiction to you then you will only feed addiction and make it stronger if you MO. Its like heroin addict been clean for 400 days and then decides he can use heroin sometimes.

    Just because you have big streak dont mean that demon is dead. Its still inside and sleeps, waiting to be waken up. I seen guy before with 400+ days. Then he relapsed and struggled to stay clean for longer than 7-14 day blocks. Now more than year later he reached 80 days. So once you broke your big streak it can take long time to recover to previous willpower.

    I been thinking about it today and think when person have big streak then you kinda get addicted to nofap and to your streak. But then with relapse addiction to nofap and streak is broken and theres nothing that holds you so strong to keep streak.

    You had big streak because you was tired from PMO. You was sick of it and wanted change, wanted to live opposite life. Now you been living this clean life and kinda got used, bored to it. IF you start MO or PMO then you wont have that benefit of stopping because you was sick of it. You will have to get sick again from PMO to stop again, thats why it can take a year to start next big streak. You want to MO only because those days is over.

    Better have real sex and find passion in relationships. Relationships are easy when you have a lot of sex. So better save that sexual energy for real thing.
     
  5. PabloRS

    PabloRS Fapstronaut

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    Well, you may disagree with this but... In my humble opinion there is good and there is bad, at least in issues related to sexuality.
    Porn is bad, masturbation is bad, having sex without love or respect for the other person is bad...
    In this sense "bad" means you are not taking the right path to find personal fulfilment, joy and beauty.
    So I wouldn't consider NoFap as a competition, challenge or any of the sort. But instead as a means to a better, more intense life.

    Take it as a way of life and not as something temporary to challenge yourself. You should enjoy it and not suffer from it.

    Sex will come at the appropriate time with the appropriate person.

    This is, as I said, my humble opinion and the reason why I begun this personal journey.

    Anyway I wish you the best
     
  6. ThisTime

    ThisTime Fapstronaut

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    Keep us updated please! Very interested to know if relapse/nothing/success occurs! Appreciate your post!
     
  7. Dandelion30

    Dandelion30 Fapstronaut

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    Wow! Congratulations
     
  8. Jblue

    Jblue Fapstronaut

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    It's funny to see the difference in perspective and opinions from someone who has abstained for 400 days + and someone who has abstained less than 30 days. I've gone without PMO for 90 days but have relapsed to MO a handful of times, which I don't see as wrong because PMO is likely 10x worse than MO. Remember PMO is tricking our brain into thinking it is actually reproducing and messing with our dopamine receptors whereas MO is just nurturing a bad habit based on fantasy. MO is normal, PMO is modern and not normal. Once we abstain from PMO we don't view it the same. I get the comparison of Porn to hardcore drugs like heroine but once we stop using porn, we're simply not dominated by it anymore if we've overcome the problems which led to our addiction in the first place.

    Anyways thanks for sharing your story aps1991 and I totally understand the decision to live a balanced life.
     
  9. whatrichme

    whatrichme Fapstronaut

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    Very true. IMHO aps1991 is truly healed and liberated.
     
    Jblue likes this.
  10. HereAndThere

    HereAndThere Fapstronaut

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    400 days is alot, congratulations. U guess MO could maybe be allowed like once a month without creating addiction, but thats a theory that needs to be proven.
     
    Jblue likes this.
  11. After a streak of 3 years and 4 month of no PM(i was in a relantionship) and a relapse(which lead to more relapses) after i broke-up with my girlfriend, i sincerely tell you that, in my oppinion, it is not a good ideea. But you know what is good for you and how you can balance your mind and soul.
     
  12. ctr

    ctr Fapstronaut

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    Andrew, don't close your counter and whatever you do, *don't let your guard down*. I left NoFap more than 3 years ago, haughtily thinking I would never return. Yet here I am, struggling once again, with what appears to be a worse case of what I originally had. For the first time in my life, I've admitted to myself that I am an addict, and that I must *never* stop fighting this addiction.
     
  13. Clean Plate

    Clean Plate Fapstronaut

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    Good luck with that man! Keep us updated.
     
  14. I myself abstained for 5 months & then i thought i am capable to relapse which took me towards MO & then worst PMO..Remember its an addiction...if you stop using cigarretes for a year & then take it back its urge will keep increasing day by day
     
    Dandelion30 likes this.
  15. AwarenessGame

    AwarenessGame Fapstronaut

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    great job man for going this far, to be honest the counter thing is this issue here and the competitive mindset you approached no PMO, all these awareness you have about yourself at the moment is as a result of you being on NoFap. faping will mask your deeper inner most negative emotions due to the release of excess dopamine which prevents you from working on the problem. I suggest you work on the problem instead of faping. Thanks to NoFap I have also been presented with emotions I have repressed unconsciously and am grateful and working on the problems instead of faping, the benefit I have and lessons I have learnt by dealing with the problem is priceless. all i can say is make NoFap a lifestyle instead of counting how far you go
     
  16. lucentio

    lucentio Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations for going PMO free for over 400 days. Your story gives me hope. From reading the other responses I see that there are those that respectfully disagree with your decision to M to O in the future and I respect their opinions. Each of us must set our own goals and live with the consequences. I am a married man currently in Monk Mode for about 20 days. My wife of 32 years cannot enjoy sexual relations. I will remain true to her so sexual relations are not an option for me. My goal is to make it to 90 days. (Today's goal is to make it to day 21.) When I hit my 90 day goal I will decide whether to occasionally M to O without P or to continue in Monk mode.
     
  17. leo da king

    leo da king Fapstronaut

    Yes he is :)
     
  18. LeHso

    LeHso Fapstronaut

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    Going back to fapping is completely your sole choice, but it's totally insane to think that way

    Simply, this site is called nofap (fap=masturbation), so it does not make any sense to masturbate after reaching 400+ days! you will still use porn in your brain. masturbation and porn is tightly linked to each other. each one will lead to the other.

    Actually, I'm really surprised to see someone who reached this ultra-lengthy streak and still believes that masturbation is OK

    Again, it's your choice but I'm pretty sure it's a bad one (why did you stop masturbating in the first place since it's OK?)
     
    goodnice 3.0, Summer Son and Vedas_fr like this.

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