410 days - forget about willpower

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by vibemaker, Feb 12, 2019.

  1. vibemaker

    vibemaker Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys,

    some might still know me, I used to be quite active on the forums here. Greets to all you guys, who have been in touch with me and accompanied me on this journey. I'm very grateful for all the support I recieved here, the knowledge and wisdom I found here.
    (Drop me a message or leave a comment if you're still out there, would love to hear from you.)

    Yesterday I reached 410 days on my counter. 410 days no porn. In 2016 this would have been a miracle to me. Even a year ago after I had some success with 100+ streaks it was a number that seemed to require huge amounts of discipline, self-control and willpower.

    What I learned in the last months more than ever before, is that real change never comes from willpower alone. Our whole journey is more about becoming a new self, starting a new auto-pilot, then the one your parents, school, or friends gave you and unchaining ourselfes from our conditioning.

    Willpower is such a limited resource, that it will not bring you far, if you have to fight against a huge amount of old beliefs and patterns every time, you want to start something new.

    I went in two years from light psychosis and social anxiety to speaking to women and expressing sexual interest and getting laid. But thats not the point of this post.

    You can do this too. It is just a matter of how you want to live your life and how eager your are to design it every day. How eager you are to reprogram your unconsciousness.

    There are meditations out there, that are designed just for that reason. And they work.

    ... also there are some things I wished I knew about this whole NoFap thing earlier.

    First is... don't get lost in your counter. It is important at the beginning. Really. It is.
    And you can be proud of yourself if you reached 7, 14, or 90 days. The thing is it requires about 18 months to get all the toxic porn put inside you, totally out of your system. That's a long time, but that doesn't mean you can't live til you reached it.

    At a certain point let a pornfree life just be your foundation of a healthy life. And start to work on your themes! Commit yourself to let all that bullshit society, your friends, your parents told you about who you are, behind you. It is not true... that you have to work hard for success, be a good teamplayer of society, please people, meet your parents expectations to finally be loved and accepted. Fuck this! I was unemployed and girls still went out with me.

    Second is... It is not your counter that makes you attractive to girls. They will not sense if you just didn't fap for 100 or 200 days or 5 years. They will sense if you're full of energy, if you love yourself, if you do something you love, if have some kind of goals in your life.

    I tell you nothing has given me more self-confidence that doing something I'm passionate about every day. It has such an positive impact on all my relationsships, the decisions I make, how I speak, how I treat people. So find out what you want to do with your life. And don't stress about it. Just ask yourself this question... and the answer will find the way to yourself, if you give it enough space.

    "Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion." - Jack Kerouac

    That porn is nice and easy is a popular opinion among men (and women).

    So crush it. And dig for your fuckin life. Its in there. You just have to find it.

    ... one last thing: On this journey, whatever problem your working on... You're not that important! Your self image is not that important. Try to forget your pride for a minute. It's not that important that you're super cool or smooth like 007, while you try to do whatever you want to do, if it's kissing a girl or telling your boss, that you're out of this shit. The important thing is, that you do it!

    Remind yourself that courage is not the abscence of fear. Courage is acting even if you feel fear.


    I'm out.

    Peace & Love

    VM

    ADD: If you want to have more insights about how to reach 90 days, you can check out my guide here: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...-this-going-90-days-and-beyond-part-i.143569/

    Have fun with it.
     
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2019
    A_Wings, Kimetsu, Klenton and 66 others like this.
  2. tIoD

    tIoD Fapstronaut

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    I am on my way lvl 410 Nofap boss xD.
    Really nice post dude, it felt good. Congrats on your achievements, wish you a good luck.
     
  3. control your life

    control your life Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    congrats ,nice and inspiring post!
     
  4. Tafi

    Tafi Fapstronaut

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    I am on my road to endless limit of quitting this cancer and toxic things,but sometimes I miss these days ,in your journey did you feel the same?
     
  5. asifisb

    asifisb New Fapstronaut

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    very right
     
  6. yosoy111

    yosoy111 Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations for your acomplishments. Just curious, how did you get this number, 18 months, that are necessary to be clean of pornography? Is it your own estimate or theres some study out there?
     
    benbutler11 and Rising Force like this.
  7. Rising Force

    Rising Force Fapstronaut

    I remember very well how you were among the first who I received support from in the beginning of my journey here. Thanks a lot for that. I'm really happy for your success.

    Would you like to tell more about what you mean, when you said that it's not true that you have to work hard for success. Perhaps I understand the statement a bit differently than what you had in mind.
     
    vibemaker and benbutler11 like this.
  8. CS1

    CS1 Fapstronaut

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    Good job man, but how many years in addiction
     
  9. joarev85

    joarev85 Fapstronaut

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  10. Trynagetbetter

    Trynagetbetter Fapstronaut

    What a great comment! I think that's the missing ingredient for most of us. Don't work harder at RESISTING porn. Work hard at building a life so full, that has no room for it.
     
  11. Well, at least you're being honest. I am embittered about EVERY success story that talks about how NoFap makes you more confident and attractive to women. It does no such thing. I had no self-confidence and was unattractive to women years before I ever started masturbating, and it was a concern I raised when I first joined these forums almost a year ago. After my longest streak I was just as useless then as I was before, or at any time - at 200 days women should have been hitting me up for all sorts of crazy sexy adventures and I should have felt like a million dollars. Nope. Lies. All Lies.

    Maybe I'm just that ugly. People come up to me on the street, or when I'm at work, and tell me I am.
     
  12. RightEffort

    RightEffort Fapstronaut

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    awesome read bro - super inspiring - I am grateful I read this because it gave me one more reason to aim to be free of porn addiction for 2-3-5 years and beyond.

    Also my fav quote "nothing has given me more self-confidence that doing something I'm passionate about every day" so true!

    Because when we express our passions we are literally becoming a vessel for the higher self to bring its magic from the invisible realm to the visible realm.

    May you continue to expand to new levels of joy and freedom and get all you want and need :)


    I have a quick question @vibemaker - What were your urges/temptations/emotional ups and downs like in the past year and some?

    Like can you map out your journey

    The first 7 days
    The first 90 days
    The first 6 months
    The first year
    beyond one year

    Did you notice changes in the degree and intensity of temptations, loneliness and/or depression?
     
    The Great Warrior likes this.
  13. Tankus

    Tankus Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, I feel like this number could be accurate, I have been quit for so long now and still feel like there is a little bit of residual effects from watching porn left in me. But every day it gets better and better! Still for me when I'm hungover I get urges, I think I will know i'm cured when i no longer get those urges when Im hungover. But now if im sober and normal i never get urges. I just realised that, that feels good to say :D
     
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  14. Ogikubo

    Ogikubo Fapstronaut

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    I hope to be in your shoes someday. I agree with almost everything you have said, and I can feel the complete belief you have in what you say. I finally found the desire to be free of my old addictions. Late in life, yes, but it's not too late. I also agree that counting the days is nice for a little while, but it is not the main thing. I think today is . . . . well, 20 something for me, anyway. The longest I have ever gone is a month. I will break that, but the more important thing is what I will do beyond that. Thank you so much for giving back to all of us.
     
    vibemaker likes this.
  15. Elcamino

    Elcamino Fapstronaut

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    wow...this really resonated with me and I couldn't agree more. Thank you for sharing
     
  16. NuevaAmerican

    NuevaAmerican Fapstronaut

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    HOW HARD ARE YOUR ERECTIONS?
     
  17. vibemaker

    vibemaker Fapstronaut

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    Yes, I felt the same. It will go away as soon as you realize deep in yourself, that porn has no worth for you. You can compare this pattern to fast food or smoking... as long as you believe somewhere that this food or the habit of smoking has any benefits for your life or do something for you, you will fantasize about it.

    Don't know if it's exactly a study, but it's mentioned in 'The Porn Myth', so I guess it is. I found that number to pretty accurate.

    Well, what I mean with this is... Some people believe they have to do a job they hate, climb a career, that doesn't come from their own belief system, in other words: work as hard as they can in the believe to be loved one day, because they worked so hard. Sometimes hard work is exactly what is needed, when you want to get down to business in your own projects, but there also comes something back, a certain feeling of doing something important and what is in alignment with your personality and talents. Hope it's clear now, what I wanted to say.

    Don't know it exactly. I guess about 9 years.

    We have to differ here a little. NoFap/semen retention actually makes you more confident and attractive to women. It's because of two things: You lose all that weird behaviour you have, because you watch a lot of porn... and you send out pheromones, because you don't ejaculate every day into a tissue, and are acutally a good sex partner. That is all true. But these are just like first impressions. You may be a potential sex partner for a women because of this. And you will get looks and more women attracted to you because of that. People who say this don't lie, in my experience. But there's another side to this story. It's just like a first impression. It's a good point to start with, but if there's nothing more behind that men, except doing 'NoFap' and being loaded up to his head with semen, this women will walk away anyway. There is more to manliness, then just not fapping and watching porn, but this is a too long story for now.

    There were a lot of ups and downs... lonliness and depression were probably the ones I fought most with. In the beginning I acted out on a lot of replacement addicitons like watching movies or series to not have to feel them, which wasn't the best way, but still better than watching porn. Sometimes we need little distractions, it's human. It's actually a good idea to have some kind of 'emergency' package for tough situations, when you feel really lonley or depressed, like a good playlist, a audio book/book, cooking a hot choclate, whatever... going out for a walk... taking a ride with the railway through your city... but the best in my experience is a little book, where you keep all your achievements... you write them in there as often as you can, this programs you from negative thinking to positive thinking about yourself.

    But back to your question: Around the first 100+ days I experienced a real breakthrough (so I guess the 90 day reboot is there for a reason)... I would say it this point I really felt life again. And that got more intense over the time.

    Urges got less as soon as I worked on my personal problems that came to the surface, when I stopped supressing them with porn. It's like I mentioned above in Tafi's question: as long as you believe somewhere that porn is still of worth for you, you will have urges to watch it. You will come to the point, where you understand, what I mean.

    If you want to have a more detailed report, you can have a look at my other posts. I did one on 60 days, on 150 days and on 10 months... You can look them up in my profile: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?search/36185297/
    I also wrote two guides on how to reach 90 days, and go beyond that... you can find it there.





    Thank you for all the replies and your questions guys. Keep moving.
     
  18. Rising Force

    Rising Force Fapstronaut

    This makes sense, and it is consistent with my view. You have to work hard for your dreams and goals. You can't expect results without the work. But yes, the passion must be found in you - and when it is, that's what fuels you. Doing things to manipulate others is only going to make you bitter.
     
    vibemaker and Roady like this.
  19. RightEffort

    RightEffort Fapstronaut

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    @vibemaker thank you so much - I appreciate your post and love that suggestion! keeping a success journal :) Super resonates!

    What is your life mission/goal now? what are you looing forward to this year?
     
  20. Zur

    Zur Fapstronaut

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    [QUOTE = "vibemaker, post: 1903003, miembro: 87015"] Hola chicos,

    algunos todavía me conocen, solía ser bastante activo en los foros aquí. Saludos a todos ustedes, que estuvieron en contacto conmigo y me acompañaron en este viaje. Estoy muy agradecido por todo el apoyo que recibí aquí, el conocimiento y la sabiduría que encontré aquí.
    (Envíeme un mensaje o deje un comentario si todavía está por ahí, me encantaría saber de usted).

    Ayer llegué a 410 días en mi contador. 410 dias sin porno. En 2016 esto hubiera sido un milagro para mí. Incluso hace un año, después de haber tenido cierto éxito con más de 100 rachas, era un número que parecía requerir enormes cantidades de disciplina, autocontrol y fuerza de voluntad.

    Lo que aprendí en los últimos meses, más que nunca, es que el cambio real nunca viene solo de la fuerza de voluntad. Todo nuestro viaje es más sobre convertirnos en un nuevo yo, comenzar un nuevo piloto automático, luego el que sus padres, la escuela o los amigos le dieron y liberarnos de nuestro condicionamiento.

    La fuerza de voluntad es un recurso tan limitado, que no te llevará lejos, si tienes que luchar contra una gran cantidad de creencias y patrones antiguos cada vez, quieres comenzar algo nuevo.

    Pasé dos años desde la psicosis leve y la ansiedad social hasta hablar con mujeres y expresar interés sexual y tener relaciones sexuales. Pero ese no es el punto de este post.

    Usted puede hacer esto también. Es solo una cuestión de cómo quieres vivir tu vida y qué tan ansioso estás de diseñarla todos los días. Cuán ansioso estás de reprogramar tu inconsciencia.

    Hay meditaciones por ahí, que están diseñadas solo por esa razón. Y ellos trabajan.

    ... también hay algunas cosas que me hubiera gustado saber antes sobre todo este asunto de NoFap.

    Lo primero es ... no te pierdas en tu contador. Es importante al principio. De Verdad. Es.
    Y puedes estar orgulloso de ti mismo si llegaste a los 7, 14 o 90 días. La cosa es que se requieren alrededor de 18 meses para eliminar todo el material tóxico del interior, totalmente fuera de su sistema. Eso es mucho tiempo, pero eso no significa que no puedas vivir hasta que lo hayas alcanzado.

    En un cierto punto, deje que una vida libre de pornografía sea la base de una vida saludable. ¡Y empieza a trabajar en tus temas! Comprométete a dejar que toda esa sociedad de mierda, tus amigos, tus padres te hablen de quién eres, detrás de ti. No es verdad ... que tienes que trabajar duro para tener éxito, ser un buen jugador de equipo de la sociedad, por favor, gente, satisfacer las expectativas de tus padres para finalmente ser amados y aceptados. ¡Joder esto! Estaba desempleada y las chicas todavía salían conmigo.

    El segundo es ... No es tu contador lo que te hace atractivo para las chicas. Ellos no sentirán si simplemente no se escapó por 100 o 200 días o 5 años. Sentirán si estás lleno de energía, si te amas a ti mismo, si haces algo que amas, si tienes algún tipo de objetivos en tu vida.

    Les digo que nada me ha dado más confianza en mí mismo que hacer algo que me apasiona todos los días. Tiene un impacto tan positivo en todas mis relaciones, las decisiones que tomo, cómo hablo, cómo trato a las personas. Así que descubre qué quieres hacer con tu vida. Y no te estreses por eso. Solo hágase esta pregunta ... y la respuesta encontrará el camino a sí mismo, si le da suficiente espacio.

    "Los que ceden a las tendencias, las modas y la opinión popular no logran grandes cosas". - Jack Kerouac

    Que el porno sea agradable y fácil es una opinión popular entre hombres (y mujeres).

    Así que aplastarlo. Y cava para tu puta vida. Está ahí dentro. Sólo tienes que encontrarlo.

    ... una última cosa: en este viaje, sea cual sea el problema en el que estés trabajando ... ¡No eres tan importante! Tu propia imagen no es tan importante. Intenta olvidar tu orgullo por un minuto. No es tan importante que seas súper cool o suave como 007, mientras intentas hacer lo que quieras, si es besar a una chica o decirle a tu jefe, que estás fuera de esta mierda. Lo importante es que lo hagas!

    Recuerda que el coraje no es la ausencia de miedo. El coraje está actuando incluso si sientes miedo.


    Estoy fuera.

    Paz amor

    VM [/ QUOTE]
    Me das la motivación con tu logro y me gustaría saber más sobre eso de los 18 meses.
    Enorabuena compañero.
     

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