As of today I am 45 days clean from pmo, and to say it's changed my life is an understatement. Check out my journal for the full story on how my addiction started, but to summarize it, I started when I was around 17, I am 29 now and from 2008-2013 I was deeply addicted to it and let it affect my life in ways I never realized until I've educated myself from this site and yourbrainonporn.com. Now everything made sense to me, why I never had a relationship (or real dates for that matter), a fulfilling job, or motivation to finish school and move out of my parents house. I started this journey in July of last year, but had many bumps for the first 4 months. I could never get past 3-5 days before the urge came calling. But every time I relapsed I wrote it down in my planner and started a new streak, determined to beat this addiction once and for all. I started off strong at the beginning of the new year, but after about a week, had a family member pass away and thus it was easy to fall back to it with the emotional state I was in. After the relapse I went 2 days clean and then the day that changed everything happened. The last day I gave into porn, it happened late at night, as I was playing a video game. I had the urge to visit my favorite picture site (something I did every day for like 8 years), and spent around an hour just looking at pictures, no mo, just viewing it. After the session was over I had a killer headache and went to bed. The headache didn't go away for about 3 days, and with the headache came back all my anxiety issues, which were starting to go away slowly. It was at that moment where the light bulb finally came on and I realized this has to come to an end. I've never felt the negative affects of viewing porn like I did after that night. I attribute that to finally getting close to having long streaks so I was feeling better and the foggy brain was starting to go away. I am happy to say since that night my life has changed dramatically. I've come to realize that porn is toxic and serves no purpose in my life anymore, and that the excuses I made for watching it were all in my head. I began watching it because I thought, well since I don't have a girlfriend I'll just do the next closest thing. Well as you all know pmo is no replacement for the real thing. All my life I have struggled with the opposite sex, always feeling like I have to impress them with the hope that I will eventually get a girl friend. Because of my deep anxiety issues linked to pmo, it became nearly impossible to even get the courage to ask them out and every time I failed I would beat myself up over it. Now that I haven't pmo'd in a month and a half, that cloud that has been hanging over me all these years is finally starting to lift and I can tell you, the benefits are real. I no longer have anxiety in approaching random girls. The amount of girls I have talked to in the last month is more than I have in the last 10 years, this is no joke. There is no longer any pressure for me to ask them out, I just go up and spark up conversation. If it leads to something more, awesome, if not, who cares, there's millions more out there waiting for me to approach them. The shame of looking at porn is no longer a part of my life, and I love that the most out of everything (okay the attention with girls is the best part)! Seriously guys, cutting out pmo is life altering. It has opened my eyes in ways I couldn't even imagine. I no longer find myself making excuses for failures in my life. I now finally have the passion and drive to go out and live a productive and healthy life. I do want to say that this hasn't been an easy road, as at around days 20-40 I had ridiculously strong urges that were so bad I almost gave in. But I never did and I am proud of that fact. I posted a few times in the relapse report section before this streak and that too was motivation too keep staying strong, because every time I would post there it felt like I was a failure and that the addiction was winning. Same with resetting my counter. I finally said no more, I am taking my life back and now it's time to start living the life I was meant to live, free from the grasps of pmo. I know it's cliche, but if I can do it anyone can. There would be days where 3/4 of the day involved pmo in some fashion. Most days involved me edging to pictures while eating breakfast, so from the beginning of the day till the end, porn was on my mind. This isn't easy, but once it hits you why you need to quit and you start to look at the big picture, it becomes easier and you gain instant motivation to never return to the old you.