45-year old new guy

Hello, I am new to NoFap. I'm 45 years old and have been dealing with an internet porn addiction since the mid-1990s. I had used only softcore magazines for many years prior, but the internet really turbocharged things. I admitted to myself, my girlfriend at the time, and a therapist that I had a problem in 2002. I've tried to quit many, many times, and can sometimes stop or at least keep it under control for short periods, but it always comes back. I've been married for a few years now and have a four-year-old son. I love my wife and my son very, very much, and want to be a better husband and father. Having a kid and having a daily grind of my wife and I both working and the kid in daycare and then preschool really drove up my porn use again over the last couple of years. I want to be more focused, and to use my time on earth more wisely. The porn habit has sucked up vast amounts of time over the years, and I don't want to still be doing this in my 60s or 70s. I'm lucky to have friends and people who love me, and I want to live my life more fully and clearly.

A friend of mine died recently and things got shaken up inside me. This is my first serious attempt to stop in a long time. I had just given up for a while. I don't have a clear NoFap plan. I don't know whether I want to stop fapping completely, or just eliminate porn use. Whatever, right now it doesn't matter. I stopped fapping and am simply going day to day. For what seems like the 10,000th time, I vaporized my porn collection.

It's odd, reading the entries of younger guys. I've gone through so much with the addiction that everything sounds familiar, but I can't imagine having gone through adolescence with porn. I really feel for these guys, the thought of coming of age sexually under the constant barrage of internet porn is disturbing.

That's enough for now. Thanks for reading.