46yo married male looking for AP. Day 3 of 90 day PM challenge.

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by ChuckIt, Nov 13, 2016.

  1. Hutch

    Hutch Fapstronaut

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    Greetings Y'all, 40 year old happily married male, no kids. First time back on this site in a long time and this was the first thread I clicked on. For the past couple of years I've realized what a problem it really is. My biggest disappointment is all the wasted time that could have been used to do something more constructive or enjoyable. I have done the 30 day thing before and after a couple of weeks in noticed an upswing in my mood, improved interactions with other people, got more done for myself etc. I regularly go a week or so with no problems, but then I'll binge for an afternoon and feel pretty drained afterwards. Was cruising the net some tonight checking news stuff and figured I'd log on again. I'm pretty non techno and hate electronic stuff so I dont think I could be accountable to someone every day, but would like to give it a good effort. Hope yall dont mind me butting in.
     
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  2. Harald

    Harald Fapstronaut

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    Hi Hutch: Yes I see the same thing at 2-3 weeks. The first couple of weeks time stretches out then things start to smooth out. I'm at 28 days now. Am going to do 90 with no PMO. Normal activity with the wife is allowed but it does tend to set one back a bit. Hopefully this tapers off. I find without the Porn it is fairly easy to maintain. But your mention of the time effect got me thinking. It may be just my sense of time but when PMOing it seems like the week's and months fly by with missed deadlines and negligence of the better parts (spending time with family and other hobbies). When doing nofap it is hard for my brain to ignore time so it is like nails on a chalkboard. Also previously if I relapsed it was as if all that time in between just disappeared and the fapping times became contiguous again. I even noticed a slight amnesia of what was happened during nofap, as if there was a separate stream of consciousness. Sort of like the brain fog people describe. I'm hoping the 90 day nofap is able to reset this. Maybe I need to get off P altogether forever. I'd miss the self-indulgence but would probably be a much better partner, dad, and colleague.
     
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  3. Hutch

    Hutch Fapstronaut

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    Hey Harald thanks for the response. I feel regular activity with your spouse would be a very acceptable and encouraged thing. 28 days is about a third of the way which is almost half. If you can get over the hump I have faith you can keep on to 90 days and beyond with it getting easier as time goes on. I'm rooting for you man. Self indulgence can be ok if we were talking something that we didnt have an addiction to. try to focus you energies and source of fun/pleasure from something else that is not harming you. One day in the future when our life flashes before our eyes when our time has come would we rather have been a better partner, dad, colleague etc or would we rather have spent more time jacking off?
     
  4. Hutch

    Hutch Fapstronaut

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    Hey Harald thanks for the response. I feel regular activity with your spouse would be a very acceptable and encouraged thing. 28 days is about a third of the way which is almost half. If you can get over the hump I have faith you can keep on to 90 days and beyond with it getting easier as time goes on. I'm rooting for you man. Self indulgence can be ok if we were talking something that we didnt have an addiction to. try to focus you energies and source of fun/pleasure from something else that is not harming you. One day in the future when our life flashes before our eyes when our time has come would we rather have been a better partner, dad, colleague etc or would we rather have spent more time jacking off?
     
  5. Harald

    Harald Fapstronaut

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    What you said about finding something that is not harmful is right on. This morning it just hits again and I'm ready to start the PMO again. Had to rein myself back from the brink. I was edging and planning all the ways to get some quick satisfaction but we all know where that goes. Fortunately I pulled up this and read what I had been writing and people's responses. I'll just get my morning workout in and move on. 30 days safe.
     
  6. Hutch

    Hutch Fapstronaut

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    Good for you Harald. Been a few days since I've been on, not much for the whole internet/social media thing constantly in my life. 8 days here and having had some jonesing type feelings the last 24 hours. Glad I logged on. I have been getting a ton of stuff done the last few days, bunch of small projects, but getting them out of the way will leave me open for a few big projects. Its amazing how much you can get done when you don't waste hours looking at pixelated images.30 days is good, keep it up, you're an inspiration to others. Watch out for the triggers
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2016
  7. Hutch

    Hutch Fapstronaut

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    Bolivar you still out there as well?
     
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  8. Harald

    Harald Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys. Yeah I'm at 32 days now. I'm pretty sure that as long as I can avoid Porn then flapping is not an issue. However now I'm starting to really become much more social and empathic towards women. So I'm chatting up and meeting up with cute women at the coffee shops. I used to use PMO to turn this off and let me focus on work. Do I guess it is the opposite of what you are experiencing because I get less done as I internalize these interactions. It's not simple and so there is way more to it for me than just nofap. I think I have to become comfortable and satisfied with my life.
     
  9. Harald

    Harald Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations on 8 days Hutch. At 7 days is when you experience the testosterone surge. Making it past that just stay away from any Porn and be proud of yourself.
     
  10. Harald

    Harald Fapstronaut

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    Just was out for a night of pool and women. Learned that I still come off as an anxious uptight needy loser. Depressing. But at least I'm consistent. Really I was told by a bro there that my loop is not being able to love. I left a loser but feel like a winner. I learned about myself.
     
  11. Harald

    Harald Fapstronaut

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    33 days and counting.
     
  12. Harald

    Harald Fapstronaut

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    Stay with it guys. You are in there somewhere.
     
  13. Hutch

    Hutch Fapstronaut

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    Any good times with the wife Harald? Might ease the tensions some.

    The wife is on her period so pretty horned up myself with no where to go lol.
     
  14. Harald

    Harald Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I'll go there. Good idea. Too bad for you maybe talk her into head? Actually I think men have a cycle too that syncs up anyways I'm always ready at the same time.
     
  15. Bolivar

    Bolivar Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, about that. If yer still fapping, yer deluding yourself into thinking yer doing ok. There is damned little in this life that can be accomplished in half-measures, which is what you are doing now. The idea is to remove the P+M=O equation, and I personally am convinced that can only happen when you reset the brain so it can operate as it's supposed to. Of course, I'm not you. But take a second (after you get over being pissed at what I'm saying) and be honest with yourself. If at the end of that conversation you still think it's cool to fap, go for it. But understand the only damned thing you have done is remove the electronic porn in favor of mental porn, and it's a VERY short step to go back to it. Nothing really has changed, and yer fooling yerself if you think so; personally, I think fooling/lying to yerself is a shitty way of living and quite frankly, stupid. Get real, get serious, and kick the addiction. What yer doing is replacing smoking weed with smoking sativa. What the fuck is the difference, really?

    On the other hand, what the hell do I know? I have my own journey to make, peculiar and particular to me. I only responded because I smelled rationalization, and I know that is the enemy of true addiction conquest. Take it for what its worth.
     
  16. Harald

    Harald Fapstronaut

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    Hi Bolivar: I agree completely. What I wrote wasn't clear - I meant to say that as long as I don't look at Porn then I able to resist the urge to MO (hence the statement "MO is not a problem) . So yes, I am at 34 days legit without PMO and MO.
    But yes, the mental Porn is definitely what I want to get rid of. It is insidious because it can invade every aspect of day to day interactions. You definitely have the right thinking. Keep up the good work. Thanks for keeping me honest.
     
  17. Bolivar

    Bolivar Fapstronaut

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    Still here, still trying to regain my virginity (ha!). So, here's a laugh: what do you call a woman who does not have vaginal intercourse for seven years? A virgin (because supposedly the hymen grows back or something). What do you call a man who goes the same amount of time? Dead.

    So...just sayen....
     
  18. Harald

    Harald Fapstronaut

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    Yeah that's about how I feel. After 34 days I just suddenly hit the first "flatline". It's not as if my mind doesn't want to think about PMO, it's more like it is pissed off and is acting like it doesn't want to - like my subconscious is a child that isn't getting what it wants.

    More thoughts on the link between PMO and mental Porn. For me it is more like P=MO. In other words, if I look at Porn I will almost inevitably end up MO. But as long as I don't look at Porn then I'm fine and can easily resist the urge to MO. I think this is because I used PMO for a long time (since about 10) before hooking up with the real thing. In addition I just kept using it. So PMO was more the norm for me than the real thing. That makes the concept of a "reset" almost moot. Even when I had sex I resorted to mental images of favorite scenes to get off even if the woman was smoking hot. Hopefully 90 days nofap helps. I have to reject those thoughts and try to live in the moment.
     
  19. Bolivar

    Bolivar Fapstronaut

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    So, we are diametric opposites. I grew up in the Olde and Ancient Time before computers and cellphones. Hell, before beepers (who remember *those*??)!! And I got a LOT more sex than most people in their teens. Which is a laugh, because I remember complaining cuz I wasn't getting nearly enough! My first girlfriend in junior high put out when we were 15, but not nearly enough to suit me, so I was getting it on the side nearly from the beginning of our relationship. And I lost my virginity at 13 to a MUCH older woman (36!), so that put me on the path of go-get-her from the get-go (I think I just coined a term). And on through high school. It was rare (my memory counts only one I can think of) that I dated a girl that didn't put out. And that was what my life was until they invented porn...

    Later: Come to think of it, the one girl in high school that I didn't have sex with made up for it later when we were in our early 30s -- and consequently turned into psycho-stalker-bitch-from-hell after I ended it. And then did her best to end my current relationship back before we were married. Shit happens for a reason...
     
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2016
  20. Harald

    Harald Fapstronaut

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    So true. I spent all my early days poring through magazines and porno-books and R-rated to x-rated movies. Never learned how to connect with a girl. In my late teens a early twenties had plenty of one nighters and short term relationships but I am spectacularly bad at relationships. Then they actually re-invented Porn with the Internet and put it on steroids. I got married to a wonderful family woman who doesn't understand this at all, she just wanted a family. I want that too, but don't know how. All I seem to want to do is re-enact all my previous interactions to try to get it right this time. So I'm constantly trying to connect with new women. This does not seem to be compatible with monogamy, obviously.
     
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2016

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