I unfortunately fell back into the habit of edging and I did P and M but didn't O. As I started felling back into this habit It slowly became more frequent, from doing it once every 2 weeks and quickly closing it after I regained a higher sense of conscioussness.
After a while I started doing this once a week and now 2-3 times a week and now daily. I never O'd in these sessions but I did have wet dreams the following night I fell asleep.
I'm calling this a relapse because in my mind if I allow myself to not call it a relapse I wouldnt take it seriously, and I feel like I have reached a point again to take this seriously.
I also experienced numbness of negative emotions after these sessions but it was temporary as I felt more things in my life become less pleasurable and it made me more impatient in general as I kept doing this more frequently.
When I did this maybe once a month or every 2 weeks, and I did have a wet dream the following night, I did feel like I relapsed the following day, like 45-60% of my energy was sapped, but when I relapsed a year ago, it 100% sapped me from my energy, my mood, and my peace of mind
I thought I would document this so that people could resonate with this if they also have similar experiences but also for me so that I know the correlation in relapsing and having a bad day afterwards.
Also what I experienced was that doing sports or working out while having slips PM or social media binge scrolling, that sports somewhat balance these out but I feel like they shouldnt have been an excuse to keep these bad habits.
I also noticed that playing videogames or binge scrolling reels or youtube shorts shortened my attention span and brought me closer to temptations, PMO temptations specifically
I dont feel like I objectify women anymore, like imagining stuff with them but when I started doing this I kept looking more at the bodies of women more often than I used to.
Also I dont know if this helps but when I had wet dreams and my semen was thicker and had a stronger odor it was an indicator that how tired I felt the following day, when it was runny and minimal I did not feel as tired, I could feel it affect me but it wasn't as bad.
I also recommend reading How to quit porn by Celibate Yogi, its from his book I learned how to identify with temptations and made me defeat my addiction.
After a while I started doing this once a week and now 2-3 times a week and now daily. I never O'd in these sessions but I did have wet dreams the following night I fell asleep.
I'm calling this a relapse because in my mind if I allow myself to not call it a relapse I wouldnt take it seriously, and I feel like I have reached a point again to take this seriously.
I also experienced numbness of negative emotions after these sessions but it was temporary as I felt more things in my life become less pleasurable and it made me more impatient in general as I kept doing this more frequently.
When I did this maybe once a month or every 2 weeks, and I did have a wet dream the following night, I did feel like I relapsed the following day, like 45-60% of my energy was sapped, but when I relapsed a year ago, it 100% sapped me from my energy, my mood, and my peace of mind
I thought I would document this so that people could resonate with this if they also have similar experiences but also for me so that I know the correlation in relapsing and having a bad day afterwards.
Also what I experienced was that doing sports or working out while having slips PM or social media binge scrolling, that sports somewhat balance these out but I feel like they shouldnt have been an excuse to keep these bad habits.
I also noticed that playing videogames or binge scrolling reels or youtube shorts shortened my attention span and brought me closer to temptations, PMO temptations specifically
I dont feel like I objectify women anymore, like imagining stuff with them but when I started doing this I kept looking more at the bodies of women more often than I used to.
Also I dont know if this helps but when I had wet dreams and my semen was thicker and had a stronger odor it was an indicator that how tired I felt the following day, when it was runny and minimal I did not feel as tired, I could feel it affect me but it wasn't as bad.
I also recommend reading How to quit porn by Celibate Yogi, its from his book I learned how to identify with temptations and made me defeat my addiction.
