Feeling devastated, I broke my first time 61day nonPMO streak yesterday. I was so close to my 90day nofap streak.
Guilt has filled my life up to the brim.
I have relapsed earlier also many times, but this was my longest streak ever.
I think I must qoute what all habit I developed in this journey which led me to fail.
I developed this habit of watching this scantily clothed women on google images which aroused me, but after 50days I thought my brain has slowly forgotten the reaction to these images, so I kept this habit of regularly seeing these images and feeling proudly that I am unstoppable now.
I slowly steadily built this habit of surfing google images which gave me dopamine on a small dose, but slowly I entered the zone of naked women I remember I saw Playboy magazine the day before yesterday, I stopped and felt the pride that indeed I am unstoppable my brain has forgotten the activity of touching myself.
But yesterday somehow some porn content popped up, I refused to continue but few hours later I thought I am unstoppable so I opened the link, felt the guilt but my mind was overflowing with the dopamine, so I thought I have broken the P of PMO, now 30days for just MO, it was just a thought, and few more minutes I was watching videos of girl on girl my weakness, I eventually I did PMO not once not twice but three times.
Next Morning I feel that I must write down where I went wrong.
NoFap is a journey and I now it, that my this long abstaining for this filth will not go away with one relapse. I have the strength to rise again, though I did watched only girl on girl and no more. I fear my mind does not recall all those filthy fantasies again. I dont want to relapse again so today is my day 0.
I joined this community more than a year ago, but I started writing on this forum as a gift to myself when I reached on my day 45 of this long 61day streak few days back. I thought I dont have anything strong to say until I have a strong number of days backing my words. It was my privilege to write here. Now I wont write for the next 45days. So that I go strong with this life long perpetual habit. I will read on a regular basis so that I dont get deviated. But it was a pleasure being here on the zenith, falling down to zero feels very bad, but we are humans and its our own personnel fight with ourselves we all gotta fight and come out with flying colours.
Thanks for all the support.
God bless the human Race.