5 Things Girls Don't Seem to Understand About 'Nice Guys'

Didn't read the whole article. But from what I skimmed it's just another affirmation of what most guys already know: that nice guys do often finish last. This doesn't mean, however, that there's no potential for improvement. Nice guys are usually the ones who work on their careers and their charisma out of sheer necessity. They're not given anything by society. But whether you're a nice guy or a bad boy is irrelevant; everyone should strive to improve and fix the weaknesses in their game.

Michael Jordan, arguably the greatest to ever play the game of basketball, was cut from his high school team his sophomore year. Now, instead of pouting about it and giving up, he asked the question “why?” Learning from the humiliation of being cut allowed him to dominate the NBA for almost 20 years winning the defensive player of the year award, becoming league MVP three times, earning six NBA championships, and amassing the third most points in league history. And even after his playing days ended he has his name associated with a billion-dollar empire of high-end shoes. The bottom line: Jordan never told himself he was good. He approached life from the same perspective as that 15-year-old kid who just wasn't good enough. He constantly strove to add another dimension to his game.

 

This is as amusing as the patriarchy. Dude, it's not about being nice or a jerk, it's about being confident.

 

If more girls would open up to being with a nice guy and be willing to get off their entitled asses and oh I don't know make a bloody effort in making it a bit easy for those who have it a bit difficult and perhaps giving them a chance and providing feedback there would be a lot more happy girls out there.

Confidence might be attractive but it really isn't a good indicator of if someone would make a good boyfriend. It would be a bit like a guy saying he will only date a girl with ginormous sweater puppies.


This whole nice guys suck I'd rather date a cocky jerkward is one reason why I utterly refuse to have any sympathy for when these jerkwards cheat on them or treat them like punching bags. I know too many guys who would make wonderful mates and the sorts of girls who would go after abusers would just laugh in their [and my] face.

For the note. Although I find it very difficult to make my intentions known I've never been friends with someone with the idea that being nice would turn it into something know [out of my league and no interest means I tend not to fall in love thankfully and I consider out of my league to be a constant unchangeable thing]

Also I am a very easy going and giving person but I do have very strict boundaries, am on guard about being used and have easily dropped female acquaintances over what others would consider a small thing [like insisting on being offended over a joke which any normal person would consider such [aka if you insist on being offended I am not going to apologize, or taking a practical joke too far when expressed that it was too much.]

 

Confidence is the biological proof that you'd make a good boyfriend.
But whatever you say, the world isn't going to change, you need to adapt to whatever shitty reality it is.

 

Nice guys often have the mentality that, since they're so nice, girls will just flock to them, and they don't have to work for it. Then they become resentful when girls shockingly flock to "assholes", or in other words, "men who have confidence in themselves". I'm a victim of this mentality, and have only recently started to think differently when it comes to this "nice guys finish last" debate.

I'm no asshole, I'm as nice of a guy as they come. Has that helped me in the first 26 years of my life? No, not really. I've learned the hard way that it's just not enough to be nice. I've been with several girls who've come to me for sympathy and intimacy, then turn right around and find another guy to be with. I can't blame them for it anymore. I think of it like, I gave these girls strength during their times of struggle. Therefore, I can only be happy for them when they find happiness.

We nice guys have to accomplish the following:

1) Be ourselves - we have to trust that when we have confidence in who we are, that confident energy will radiate to the women who are in our lives, and even to women who are physically around us. Embrace who you are! You're a unique individual in this world, trying to be normal will only set you back!

2) BE PATIENT!!!!! Finding a girl will take longer for some of us than it does with others. If you believe with all your heart that your ending will be happy (in the most non-sexual way possible), it's amazing how "quickly" love finds us.

This is all just a long way of saying this: CONFIDENCE IS THE KEY TO HAPPINESS!

 

Your goal also shouldn't be a girfriend. Making something of your life should

 

Perhaps not, but if either quality IS a prerequisite for you, best to be honest and up front about it, however jerky that sounds. It's better than "settling" for someone and then whining at them to change, or acting weird when the truth is, you like what you like. Brutal frankness saves time and heartbreak all around.

 

Good reasons to give up the NoFap IMHO for me at least. I'd have to have an almost schizophrenic relationship with reality to have confidence in my ability to attract a woman. Based on 4 and a half decades of experience that is.

 

Give up NoFap?

 

If confidence is so totally important and considering my track record and my situation I have no reason to have any why bother with the NoFap. The primary reason for me at least is that it might lead to some improvement in that area. However I sometimes think there is no point even bothering. Not just the confidence angle.

I'm still in but I struggle in seeing the point or the light at the end of the tunnel when everything about dating screams "Keymash, this is why you will never get a woman, just give up"

All my relapses tend more from that angle rather than the hornies or porn or anything like that. Between relapses NoFap is actually really easy... except for the no hope angle.

Every success story I hear is either someone my age and married or someone who is young has has the opportunity to meet girls. Anyone I do meet is married or might as well be.

Then you get this confidence is king bit and all the other negative messages I get from the real world.

 

I never TRY to be confident. I think trying to be anything other than yourself turns you into an actor. When I'm feeling good about myself, confidence exudes from my tone and my body language naturally. And my ability to look a hottie straight in the eyes improves.

But then there are days when self-consciousness hits like a Mack truck. These are the days I notice my acne scars a little more, my crooked yellow teeth, my flat face... It's days like these when this forum and other self-help guides are true godsends. One of my heroes is Howard Stern. I listen to his radio program all the time and he truly is a master of giving sage advice. His humor, intensity, and no-nonsense approach to life drives me as a man and I owe him a lot. I always tell myself: "PDM, you may not be the best-looking, the tallest, the smartest, the most well-endowed...but you can make up for it by being the most compassionate, most emphatic, and the hardest working person possible!" That's something I remind myself every day when I look in the mirror. And that's the no-bullshit truth.

 

Well keymash, if you want to meet women, maybe you should go on speed-dating or something similar, if there aren't many women left.

 

I read once, this strange but in my view logical explanation about how to get with a girl and stuff. Confidence is very important indeed but what the nice guys do wrong is the following: They treat her better than they treat theirselves, you have to be a little selfish, put your own luck first. Don't treat her like a spoiled princess but like a normal human. Don't try to buy yourself between her legs by agreeing with whatever she says and seeking approval for everything you do.

So the article I read said you have to be selfish like a lion who let the females hunt the pray but eats first etc. who doens't approve anyone to mate with his proud harem and who doesn't appreciate other cubs than his own. Lot's more a little rude and not really politic correct.

But as I read on I started thinking why it could make sense, and for that we have to go back in time.

When I live in a dangerous world where our ancestors lived and their ancestors like the stone age and befor that like 100000 years ago. and even before the human race was formed. If a man would care more for his lady he would put her health and happiness first so when he does that he can't really take care of himself which leads to misfortune and illness for the man. This would bring offspring in danger because the man did the hunting and protected it's family against preditors and stuff.

So when you play a nice guy, because i've tried not to be (don't go all jerk) it's feel quite natural to think for yourself and act for yourself with only yourself in mind first. A "nice guy" doesn't do this, so you're not being the counterpart you need to be. Now part of this nice guy nonsense comes from movies and fapping so you don't have enough testosterone in your blood to go be the responsible egoist.

Back to the confidence? when you are confident you know what YOU want, not what someone else want you'll never fully know that. No confidence is about knowing what you yourself want and that makes you confident.

The article I've read was really extreme in what I just stated (not mean) but this is the conclusion I made out of it. (it was in dutch)


Goodluck!

 

I've found that confidence is a by product of happiness and happiness is a choice.
You choose to be happy or not, of course some people have biological things in the way of this, but it's not many people in my experience.

 

Well Thanatos, it's not the case for everyone.

 

Happiness is not a choice For the most part people tend to have a baseline of happy and although when good or bad stuff happens they can vary off that baseline they soon return to it. At least that is what the research tends to say.

That being said there are times when even for someone like me who tends towards happy the crushing suck of life gets to be a bit hard to deal with.

 

I happen to fall into the belief that happiness is, indeed, a choice.

Having said that, I also think that most people tend not to believe this because it's very difficult to develop this kind of mentality. Sometimes, the things that happen to us can be well beyond our control. However, what we can control is how we react to them. Are you going to let something that happens bring you down and ruin your day? Or are you going to keep a smile on through thick and thin, no matter what?

I realize that this is tougher for some people to do than others. I get that. It's tough to say, Well, my dog died today, but I think I'll be happy! It takes a serious committment toward developing a better attitude toward life.

 

But is constant happiness the healthiest attitude? I think grief in a sad situation is healthy. If only natural

 

You can have periods of grief and still be a generally happy person.

Happiness is a term I use to mean having inner peace with your past, your present, and your future. Nobody is ever going to constantly be in a "happy" mood.