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5 years struggle, severe HOCD, TRANSEXUAL porn

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by dr_persistent, Sep 19, 2017.

  1. Time merchant 44

    Time merchant 44 New Fapstronaut

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    Hey...My HOCD started 4 months ago due to my transexual and crossdreser porn addiction.... I'm now on 52 days sober from porn after 9 years of porn addiction and I'm 21 years old..I have a question regarding your post..you said that we should try to get a girlfriend (someone we can share our problem with and that person will understand) but I haven't been able to have that love connection since this started ...so what should I do?...most times I feel lonely and depressed.
     
  2. dr_persistent

    dr_persistent Fapstronaut

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    I suggest not finding a partner until you stand strong on your feet. Finding a partner is ALWAYS a better solution and really helps a lot, but with severe hocd, it is almost impossible, and it is anxiety through the roof, I know that feeling. Wait until you get some confidence. I don't want to discourage anyone, you are fighting hard, congratulations on 52 days strike, just keep going this way. Become someone you would be proud of and then find a partner.
     
  3. Time merchant 44

    Time merchant 44 New Fapstronaut

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    Ok....Thanks
     
  4. cali4sto

    cali4sto Fapstronaut

    Update,

    After a super clean 2020, no hard relapse after 7 months

    I did fell again into using Grindr for a few days (no meetups, just masturbating to it...)

    As well, watched porn for a week and gay porn too

    It is so crazy how much dopamine I get released from that, the "forbidden" vibe to it makes it exciting

    But then, I get this massive identity distortion, really sucks...

    I am not doubting my hetero sexuality (+35 f**ed chicks, fell in love 3 times, had 2 long-term relationships,) but these relapses really really hurt my self steem

    It is always the same, if I get to relapse to that stuff, this is because I am in a low point of my life.

    Starting again the journey and being more self-aware of the process, will aim for a year of nofap and see how I am going through the journey

    One thing to note, usually I was having sex with girls, but because of corona times and moving out to another city, I have not had sex since March, I have read around that is way better to be on NoFap for a period like 3 monhts and then start rewiring with sex, better than just doing nofap

    Will as well focus on reading the book: "Multiorgasmic Man" - The final goal would be to just not fapping and being a sort of sex guru haha

    Cheers everyone
     
  5. dr_persistent

    dr_persistent Fapstronaut

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    Thank you @Calisthenics4Stoics for sharing your situation with us.
    I find myself very experienced in this subject and I can tell you that this wasn't a relapse. Relapse is only about perspective, how you look at it.
    From my point of view, I guess that you have achieved many goals and become better at something. I wouldn't call that a relapse. We relapse when something is bothering us, and we feel stressed and we need some quick getaway. Just don't tell that it won't happen ever again, because it is very likely not going to happen. We all fail sometimes, but the real relapse is if you don't learn anything new from it.

    I relapsed million times, but next time if you think that you are going to relapse, try not to watch something hardcore.
     
  6. Foreverfree10

    Foreverfree10 New Fapstronaut

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    Hey, this post gave me lot of hope.
    I can totally relate to your story, but i'm still trying to reboot, now i'm almost 300 days PMO free (actually i don't watch P since more than 2 years), and in the past i did a 110 and 60 days streaks, but i still don't feel my libido to be back, nor having MW many times, just sometimes...
    So here my questions: do you still have sex without any problem? Is PIED completely gone? And do you think i should find a partner to rewire with or waiting to feel better before that? Do you ever think to the weird stuffs you watched? Thank you, wish you the best
     
    cali4sto likes this.
  7. cali4sto

    cali4sto Fapstronaut

    mm that is interesting

    looks like plain abstinence is not as effective

    imo, to fully recover, I think the ideal would be to do a mix in between cutting completely all the artifial estimuli (maybe you are on streak, but did you still occasionaly edge with Instragram/Tinder pics? It is happening to me still...) and also physical experiences with chicks

    I am on day 9, previously this year I reached towards 93 days, and my feelings were that I was super horny all the time and no hocd whatsoever, but once I relapsed after that streak, like 2 months later, where I kind of forgot about nofap, I came back towards the old habits

    This time, I will try a different strategy, start fucking with chicks and let that be my only way out

    More or less, like programming your environment in a way that you can only get pleasure with physical sensations and with a partner.

    Let's see how it goes this time,

    cheers
     
    Supination and dr_persistent like this.
  8. dr_persistent

    dr_persistent Fapstronaut

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    @Calisthenics4Stoics is right. You must stay away from everything artificial, I mean everything so don't ask me any details. Second, congratulations on your strike, you are doing it very well. Your equation needs one more thing and that is rewiring. Without partner, I really think that it's not possible to recover your libido. You can fix morning wood, but not libido. Imagine that you are Anthony Joshua, so you are a boxer. You quite boxing for 5 years. Now you want to become good at it again. And now what you are doing? You bought new gloves, shoes, supplement, you hit the gym, you eat 10 eggs every day and you wake up early like you are Rocky. But you missed one thing, you do everything except boxing. If you want to become a boxer, you have to box. Sounds funny, but people pn this forum forget that if they want libido back, they have to find a partner and have sex and rsturn theit libido. Maybe you won't succeed to have sex first time, but be persistent.
    There is also one very good technique called sensate focus. It is miracle, but you also have to be persistent because sometimes it can become borring.
    Please google it, there are 4 steps.
     
  9. Supination

    Supination Fapstronaut

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    Amazing comment!
     
    dr_persistent likes this.
  10. cali4sto

    cali4sto Fapstronaut

    nice information brother

    I understand that you practice sensate focus with a partner, or you can also do it alone?
     
  11. dr_persistent

    dr_persistent Fapstronaut

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    Unfortunately it can be done only with a partner
     
    cali4sto likes this.
  12. cali4sto

    cali4sto Fapstronaut

    cool, thanks man
     
  13. I know it has been a few years since you've posted this but man, this has helped me so much. Being in quarantine exacerbated the anxiety issues I have already had and HOCD is making it so much worse. My story is very similar to yours and I feel so much better knowing I'm not alone in this. Thank you for being brave enough to talk about this... I wish I had the courage to do the same
     
    dr_persistent likes this.
  14. dr_persistent

    dr_persistent Fapstronaut

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    No man, thank you!
     
  15. cali4sto

    cali4sto Fapstronaut

    Hey man,

    Just wanted to share that I had quite a lot of HOCD beginning of year,

    Went through 93 days and quite vanished. Then went on and off out of nofap, and after 3 monhts, I kinda fell in the same shithole

    But it was so easy to recover, I started again nofap, now on day 14 and all that shitty thoughts and desires are gone again,

    The most difficult part I'd say it's starting a long streak (which will for sure weaken those connections) & during this consistently over time

    Nevertheless,

    YES, THERE IS HOPE AND A WAY OUT.

    Cheers
     
    dr_persistent likes this.
  16. Thanks for sharing. I think I've only been going through this for the last three months, but it only spiked last month after I (stupidly) checked with gay porn. I was so scared and I felt very nauseous. I already have low self esteem and I am ashamed to say that I am a heavy porn user. Two times a day and it was crippling. I couldn't control myself. I eventually moved to transgendered person porn and at that time last year, I felt little to no pleasure but mainly that dopamine high even though I consider myself to be a very straight man. However this last month has been hell, and suicide has frequently crossed my mind. These HOCD thoughts are currently driving me crazy and I've been on HOCD forums looking for some relief. Finding out about NoFap probably saved my life. I want to get rid of these shitty thoughts by all means and be able to happily date women again.

    Any tips for avoiding these shitty thoughts? Like sometimes I'll get the most disturbing gay thoughts and I know I don't like them but my brain is trying to tell me that I get aroused by them and it's freaking me out.
     
  17. Emanel

    Emanel Fapstronaut

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    hi friend i'm in the same situation as you too i had an escalation in tsa porn i didn't get to gay porn if you have any doubts write me
     
  18. Some days are better than others and today is not a good day, I am getting all sorts of urges and even some graphic homosexual thoughts that are seriously distressing and make me want to throw up and shrivel into a ball and die. I just want it to go away. Is this normal not even a week into my nofap journey? I thought I would be stronger than this...
     
  19. Emanel

    Emanel Fapstronaut

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    yes of course it is normal the solution is to ignore these thoughts and slowly they will go away,how long have you been watching porn?
     
  20. dr_persistent

    dr_persistent Fapstronaut

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    Sorry to interrupt, just a short notice, DON'T ignore this thoughts. It isn't impossible. You must be master of meditation so you can do it. What you should do instead, you should accept this thoughts. Accept that you are gay. That's the only way how you can win in this battle. Somewhere in your brain, write a short sentence that you can never and I mean never become gay no matter what. So on the one hand you know that you are 10000% heterosexual, but on the other hand you should accept that you are gay. It sounds confusing but trust me. After you accept that you are gay, you will feel a lot of anxiety again, but then accept that you have accepted that you are gay. It's all about accepting.
     

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