5 years struggle, severe HOCD, TRANSEXUAL porn

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by dr_persistent, Sep 19, 2017.

  1. Emanel

    Emanel Fapstronaut

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    i believe if you accept to be gay it could awaken the fetish and adjust to make you believe you are gay and enjoy that kind of porn and give you erections
     
  2. SilentWraith345

    SilentWraith345 Fapstronaut

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    It has been about 4 years of porn watching, and this year it was at a point where I was watching it twice a day every day.
     
  3. SilentWraith345

    SilentWraith345 Fapstronaut

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    That thought is petrifying to me. I know I am straight but even the slightest thought of accepting that I'm "gay" would make me horribly anxious. Even typing this out if giving me severe nausea. I don't ever want to be gay... I am at a point where I can't even look at men because I get HOCD attacks. I haven't left my house in days.
     
  4. dr_persistent

    dr_persistent Fapstronaut

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    Guys, I really know how bad it feels. I HAVE BEEN THERE. It is normal that on the beginning we all try to escape from this shit whole, but it can't be done. You can't run away. It's here and won't go away so easy. So what else can you do?
    This is same as watching gay porn, many of us were watching it and we aren't gay, so same principle here. Accept that you are gay, if you want some deeper psychology, you aren't accepting that you are gay, you are just accepting the thought that you are gay. It is very very different. You aren't your thoughts. Maybe this is not a beginner step, but as soon as you do it, sooner you will be better. Being anxious about accepting it is only logical step. It is some kind of ERP therapy, (exposure and response therapy). People with hocd and not being caused by porn usually use this method. We can't because we are porn addicts. So there is only this method.
     
  5. Emanel

    Emanel Fapstronaut

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    feel able to make the choices you want, I have decided not to use acceptance therapy
     
  6. ANewMe97

    ANewMe97 Fapstronaut

    What a sentence bro. Really appreciated. I lost everything for this. I am 23 y old, and even a handsome man, lot of anxiety here.
    At 14 I had the unlucky experience to went with a shemale prostitute (in that time i was already in the trap of trap porn, words game lol) and this shock ruin my sexual minds. I felt sooo guilty with myself. You can't imagine.
    I flopped many times with girls, I had the desire to have sex but my friend Larry slept every damn time
    I had the fortune to have an relationship with a astonishing girl 4 years but my addicition of porn (shemale/straight) and sex in general ruin all.
    We were in symbiosis but my fucking mind ruin all, even in my social life.
    I am guilty about the shemale experience, because I am straight i never watch gay stuff or another, and this experience shaped my head.
    I start the journey today. Stop watch porn and do more for myself, like train my self and study.
    When i wake up at the morning I feel so guilty and in error...why I like penis of shemale? I am wrong! Why i went with a shemale prostitute?
    Why i flopped with girls? Fuck this anxiety! Fuck me! What I am living for ? I train myself, I can make money, I can make what the f I want but then?
    I was a miserable shemale addicted that flopped with girls.
    I really want to change this crap. Stop it.
    Thanks for your share man I really liked it.
    I use your suggestion for stop this anxiety behaviour.
     
    dr_persistent likes this.
  7. dr_persistent

    dr_persistent Fapstronaut

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    Hey I am really glad that I helped you. Wow shit, 14 years, visiting the shemale prostitute. This is so fucked up. Not because you visited her, but how fucked up is this shemale prostitute to let you visit her. It is obvious that you are child when you are 14.....

    But who cares, it was just experience, it really means nothing. Addiction like every other. Stay strong!
     
    ANewMe97 likes this.
  8. Daddy9977

    Daddy9977 Fapstronaut

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    Hi, that's a great successful story with ultimate courage.

    I've two questions:

    1. How long it took you to get natural full erection?

    2. I do watch (pegging on weekly basis, lesbian strapon sometimes, regular porn rarely) in your opinion how long would it take me to fully recover? and will these "pegging" thoughts I'll get rid off?
     
  9. ANewMe97

    ANewMe97 Fapstronaut

    Yea
    It's not easy, but I'm changing every day the perception of that experience.
    It's hard, because at that age I was completely a child... many family problems and I was literally abandoned, but I know that this experience gave me the change of become really stronger.
     
  10. Hongkui

    Hongkui New Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for sharing your story.
     
    dr_persistent likes this.
  11. MCflexy

    MCflexy Fapstronaut

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    FUCKYEAH WHAT A STORY!

    Your post gives me so much motivation to continue! I'll comeback and read this over when I've entered another tough time!
     
    dr_persistent likes this.
  12. Lufaro

    Lufaro Fapstronaut

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    I read the story, one of the best I ever read.
    I'm an engineer too (bacheleor) I have to take a master but PMO (and social media addiction) are blocking me...
    Thank you for your story.
     
  13. k.harinandan

    k.harinandan Fapstronaut

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    hi sir i need some help from i can see my self in ur post and i am suffering from h ocd from last 3 months and it all started like this, i once watched transgender porn and i thougt they are gay (NOTE:- i dont know much about sexuality and i thought transgenders are gay and all are straight) and i liked that porn because its some different and after watching that porn once i musturbated imagining my friend as tranny and i am that boy in porn i felt disgusting but i thought every man will have sex with tranny (because i dont about gay). so i thought its ok but after some days i lost interest in that porn and fantasies and after few days i understood the difference between gay and transgender and my h ocd started. know after 3 months my h ocd some what decreased and i did myself erp same like u but yesterday once i checked my by watching gay porn i got some what tingiling in groin and i felt like i like it and again my h ocd started and i started to check and recheck my self by seeing gay scences and imagining self in that scences i dont like that but i dont know why yesterday i like that porn. plzz help me.
     
  14. GoingHAM

    GoingHAM Fapstronaut

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    Hey dude, i did read your text. I see it's from 2017 but the story is pretty interesting so i wanted to react.

    I got pretty much same profile as you, im 26 now and i have been watching shemale porn since at least 21 besides my porn addiction in general which started at 17/18 y.o. I got also that anxiety kick problem you talking about which makes you lose confidence, have a shitty and depressive mindset, take drugs, make bad decisions etc. Now i'm fighting it for real because as you said, this anxiety stuff is all about a brain trap.

    This shemale/sissy porn got me real addicted and since at least 4 years, i watch it mainly. I do watch some other stuff few times, rarely a classic porn video, sometimes amateur porn turns me on, but in general, i have been watching shemale porn big time. Lately i went to the gay category, but i find it disgusting. Generally, i just look for femboys. For me, the question of being gay or not just vanished through time because all i like sexually is related to girls and the real trap for me is that some shemales models (Porn or Camsites) (MTF) are so feminine in the way they look and behave that i just wanna bang them. The fact that they got dicks doesn't really bother me because those type of shemales can't even get hard so they will act simply like girls do. As for girls, honestly, if im not in a PMO binge, i would bang any girl.

    I still believe that Shemale porn is far more powerfull than regular porn. I have been reading somewhere that producers of this type of porn know exactly how it works on some men brains. It's a fucking trap. They are doing everything to produce it massively. Also, if you look at some camsites like Chaturbate, you can see how popular transsexual models are.
     
    cali4sto likes this.
  15. cali4sto

    cali4sto Fapstronaut

    Same as you brother, managed to stay clean for 7 monhts

    Then I fell again (but much severely) it is easier to recover.

    My advice is to keep on being persistent!! Read success stories and move on.

    Here is the update from Dr. Persistent:

    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/reb...d-hocd-gone-beautiful-girlfriend-karezza-sex/

    This is 4-5 years after original post, it is an awesome read to keep on fighting and overcoming it.

    Personally I do not really have urges to watch it, but if I am feeling bored and lonely I do get curious. Always in my worst moments when my mind is numbed.
     
  16. Luvspin68

    Luvspin68 Fapstronaut

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    You say it’s a trap and more addictive and powerful.......... can you figure out “why” they are so different/ addicting than normal female porn stars?
     
  17. Uriichi

    Uriichi Fapstronaut

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    I would say its so different because growing up we only knew boys and girls. there wasn't another option and now over so much porn use you find something in the middle. She-males have all the features a girl does but with a penis. now a days they look better then girls with all the plastic surgery or the implants or what ever may be the case, now with all that its all novelty too, to see a she-male do things girls porn stars wont do or be dominated like our minds are looking for... and with so much dopamine being released your attraction becomes so powerful you cant stop.

    The way I think about it is... it took how many years for some one to go from straight porn to She-male porn because of the desensitization. Now what if you spent that same amount of time on She-male porn, I'm willing to bet you will tire of that too and look for something new... Gay porn or Animal porn or Hentai.

    everyone has their porn preference but 99% of the time its all porn induced, Just gotta stay strong... and the reason why I think a lot of people fail is its like when you tell us not to think about something then you automatically think about it, same concept with Rebooting. your setting up goals of not doing something and all your mind is gonna do is fixate on that certain thing especially since it involved dopamine.

    Keep your self occupied. Video games are bad but in this case I believe its the lesser of 2 evils and will keep you busy. when ever you get an urge or overwhelmed remember why you started your reboot process and stay strong just walk away, go for a walk, go eat, go watch a movie, go call a friend. Do something to not think about your reboot and let the mind recover.
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2021
    ankith and GoingHAM like this.
  18. brilliant thread, read it from start to finish. lots to absorb. i am fighting this addiction daily now for past 5-6 months. its like crack
     
    cali4sto likes this.
  19. cali4sto

    cali4sto Fapstronaut

    Good luck brother

    Be aware of saying no more often

    Practice your negation energy, take more care of yourself, you don't want to be here, so listen to your self
     
    ragnar39 likes this.
  20. Its hard, COVID isolation just makes days longer and loneliness allows for thoughts to burrow deep in my head. avoiding cam/laptop tonight just watching netflix. need this isolation to end so i can get laid w a real woman, not some online fantasy thing
     
    cali4sto likes this.

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