50 images on my phone.

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by +TenPercent, Dec 21, 2020.

  1. Last I checked, I had 16 deleted images and 34 hidden images on my phone.
    Not cool.

    Perhaps this thread will be a journal of getting down to 0 images . . .

    In the great purge of 2019, I got rid of everything and had a clean phone.
    The 50 images are my "stash", just a click away even without internet, and all highly triggering for me. Many don't even show nudity . . . but it's the message that lights up my dopamine receptors. A few are GIFs.

    Having these images creates a conundrum. Even though I haven't looked at any porn in a week and a half, they are there until I do something. The deleted images will permanently delete in a couple of weeks if I don't do anything. My addict mind tries to convince me that I need to look at the stored ones to delete them, look at the deleted ones to get rid of them forever and/or . . . go through the deleted ones to make sure I don't lose any "gems".

    Having just one hidden photo could lead to a porn binge and repopulating the album with new fetish images.
  2. Divine By Design

    Divine By Design Fapstronaut

    I'm familiar with what you're describing. Your "addict mind" will try every trick in the book to keep you from getting rid of those images.

    Perhaps like me, you sometimes have moments of complete clarity, in which you feel absolutely no desire to M ever again. I used one of those to make the decision to remove the entire "collection" permanently, knowing fully well that the addict mind would get pissed off later, because I knew it was for my own long-term good.

    PS: if you don't want any chance of catching a glimpse of those images, you could try plugging the phone into your computer and wiping them through the file explorer with image previews turned off.
  3. Good idea. My fear is that I would somehow end up getting photos on my phone and my computer if I did that.
    One upside, is that if I just do nothing, at least the 16 deleted photos will eventually go away.
    Can't tell you how many times I have gotten into my collection to purge, only to get off on viewing the images . . . maybe deleting half of what's there (and saving the best of the best) or maybe relapsing after getting down to the last few and then adding more new ones.

    If, for today, I can just not look at any of them, then its a success. One more day without looking at porn.
    TheForsakeen likes this.
  4. You must save your life right now. Delete all the photos. Its more than worth it. The photos are like pieces of dirty broken glass. They will only cut you and your soul will wither and grow old. Fight back while there’s still time. This is literally an emergency in your battle. The other thing you must do is make it so you cannot download another photo or find another photo. Internet must be severely and permanently restricted until you recover. There is no thing on earth worth what losing this battle means
  5. 32 photos now. All but 1 in the "recently deleted" album. If I do nothing for the next 30 days then there will only be the one left.
    Last night I relapsed by looking at porn and got a huge rush from it, but I did not MO and, perhaps more importantly, I did not get on the internet. 32 is better than 50, 31 deleted is better than 16 and 1 hidden is better than 34. Baby steps
    TheForsakeen and GoldenDreams like this.
  6. freedom457

    freedom457 Fapstronaut

    Just delete all the hidden and then empty all your recycling bin of the deleted too. There are no 'gems', eventually you will get bored of them, novelty is the only thing that matters, if you don't want to peek while deleting just cover your eyes with your hand and do it quickly while distracting your mind with nonsense, or simply look them in the eyes and delete them proving that you give no power to them, your main concern should be whether after deleting them you will not go back and resave them.

    You purged everything already, no? Then you used to have a large collection of thousands of contents and deleted it to move on, by keeping this tiny amount it means you deleted your old collection in vain, do you really want that? To save one is to save them all, do not allow any one to remain, or it is all in vain.

    It takes two seconds to remove them all, much better trade than all this thought and effort going into rationalising it. Worst that can happen is you go back and resave them, if you are truly ready to delete them then you have to live with missing the content and the urges to save again. Eventually after enough times deleting and relapsing, though the urge remains you realize that there is no point saving new content since it will just get deleted anyway.

    You made the first step by deleting your collection, I hope you used a file shredder for ur pc, if not then download one ready for next time or you will recover those 'gems' like i once made the mistake of. When you deleted your collection, you made the decision, now follow through till the end no half measures, do not fear re-saving or relapse, fear being trapped and controlled by your saving habit. You know it's the right thing to do, keeping those hidden and recently deleted content around gives you comfort and also makes peeking and relapsing so much easier when a trigger arises, let go of your 'gems' and move on, they are not real.

    There is no turning back after you purge your collection, trust me i tried to go back and rebuild a collection but it can never compare to what i deleted in the past, i soon gave up and deleted and then returned to the path.

    Just read what you say 'If I do nothing for the next 30 days then there will only be the one left.' or just take 2 seconds and delete them all and go do something productive with your time instead. The time for baby steps ended at your 'great purge', please tell me you haven't kept them for the whole of 2020. I'll stop here in order to avoid prolixity.
    +TenPercent likes this.
  7. CrimsnBlade

    CrimsnBlade Fapstronaut

    Why wait to fight something later when you can win the battle today, right now?
    +TenPercent likes this.
  8. LeeUK

    LeeUK Fapstronaut

    Oh god... 'gems' he said.

    Delete them and stop making excuses. No pictures!
    CArT_Vader likes this.
  9. Post by @freedom457 was very helpful. This was not:
    10 photos left. Which ones remain is telling, though most were saved for being very triggering.
    The one that was still "hidden" is now in the deleted photo album.

    Another truth is that though these images aroused me immensely a couple of days ago, the effect was very much reduced this time around and I felt a stronger urge to browse online and expand the collection. I did not look for more porn, and I did not touch.

    I am doing 12 step work and understand that I need to stop looking at all porn (and not keep any) but this is a demonstration of my limited willingness. I was down to 17, picked it up and surprised myself by deleting 7 really, really juicy ones.

    At least my hidden folder is empty. And if I do nothing for 29 days, they will all be gone.

    Last confession: I restored some and then deleted them again, so that they won't go away too quickly, and so that I might not feel compelled to review the contents in the next week or two. (i.e. I was afraid to lose them).
  10. Divine By Design

    Divine By Design Fapstronaut

    Again, I would highly recommend removing these permanently. If you cannot remove them on the phone without them going into the "recently deleted" album, then just plug the phone into your PC, go into the storage and permanently remove them.

    Nothing good can come from letting them stay, since it is a constant temptation that is tiring to resist. Only your addict mind would say otherwise. In 'Thinking, Fast and Slow', Daniel Kahneman talks about how resisting your reptile brain (I'm paraphrasing) is physically tiring for the body. If you are constantly exposed to a temptation, you will eventually yield to it, because your body doesn't have unlimited energy to resist.
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2020
  11. Why not just delete them all? You got some connection to them?
  12. Devilinme2

    Devilinme2 Fapstronaut

    I think you have an addictive cycle common to a lot of porn addicts, including me...you actually have two problems you need to address.
    The first problem is ur addicted desire to hang on to the “juicy gems” and knowing u have to delete things to save your sanity... obviously you know what u should do no matter what we all say, you know the right thing to do in deleting things...

    the second problem Is actually the worst in that I think if you laid out all of your fapping moments in a row you would see you probably fapped more when your stash was gone versus when u had it on ur phone....when it’s on ur phone you know where it is. It is safe and tucked away for whenever u may need it, all u neeed to worry about is focusing on how to control ur addiction to looking at what U want to. BUT if u destroy all references of your GEMS, part of u starts to panic when ur aroused...like “what happens if I never see it again or it goes where u can’t find it etc....then u start to look again for it and the cycle of addiction becomes even more powerful and ur back with your “gems” and more again
    EdricKr and CArT_Vader like this.
  13. ruso

    ruso Fapstronaut

    10 left right? Delete another 5
  14. QuiggyG

    QuiggyG Fapstronaut

    This is what happens when we are hooked.

    I’m in the same boat man. 218 photos of sexy women/pornstars, but not explicitly P. This is all I could find with content blockers on. Still, it has the same effect porn does.

    Right now I find it hard to delete. This old habit tends to come and go, but I know I can delete it. I just have to do it. Why do I have to hold onto pictures of something I’m trying to give up? Our mind is addicted and we tend to hang onto or stash things that we find tantalising. We can defeat this by simply enforcing our willpower and telling those pictures to get lost. You have to fight and resist.

    we can live without those pictures.
    TheForsakeen and +TenPercent like this.
  15. The images are very powerful, indeed!
    I looked for an innocent photo a few minutes ago that I thought I deleted. Just seeing those thumbnails out of the corner of my eye was enough to get my mind thinking maybe I should take a nice long look.
    I didn't open any of the images and I closed my 'deleted' photos file when I saw that the innocent photo was not there.
  16. I don't get why you don't just delete them all. That would be the best and fastest move.
    +TenPercent likes this.
  17. Divine By Design

    Divine By Design Fapstronaut

    That's exactly why you shouldn't keep them around. It's like an alcoholic constantly licking the rim of a whiskey bottle.
    QuiggyG, +TenPercent and CArT_Vader like this.
  18. Go to a public place and delete them. That way you won't be tempted to look at them with people around.
    +TenPercent likes this.
  19. Does anybody else remember when the world 'deleted' meant 'gone forever'? Those were the days...
  20. Yeah, just freaking delete them. Posting here's just procrastination.

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