6 weeks in and getting really rough again...

hey guys

it's hard for me to post but it always helps when i do and things are getting hard.

i've been 6 full weeks without a relapse - it's the first time i've tried to go without MO (not just cutting off PMO). I used to let MO slide, but i read something on here about how that's the insidious one, and i agree. first couple weeks were rough, then the cravings eased off and i've been sailing for a few weeks.

until a couple days ago. my fantasizing mind has been going crazy. so many things are triggers. basically any time i get a private minute to myself - my wife and kids leave me alone at home, or even getting into bed when my wife is already asleep - it's like my mind says "great, this is a perfect time for P. oh, no P? well then M. no M? really?? okay, fine, let's just fantasize our way right up to the edge." i don't know what to do about it - what do you do when you're mind is just throwing these sexual fantasy storylines at you (things from my past experiences, made-up things) and nothing seems to turn off the tap? i haven't broken and relapsed yet, but i've been starting to get that bare knuckled feeling the last few days, where your clinging to nofapand i know from experience that's usually a precursor to relapse.

i feel really good about the six weeks. i'd been in a good place for about a year, with very minimal relapse, and then had a 6 or 7 month period with a ton of relapses, so it's nice to feel like i'm making a real go of it again. i know i'm not ready to fold again.