Day 27. Still feel a lot of urges from the moment I wake up, so I have to be cautious again today. By posting here I make a promise to myself to not relapse today.
I think this is day 7/60? Rehearsals have kinda made me lose track of what day I'm on because I haven't had time to check in
Starting over today, this is my day 0 out of 60. I'll be seeing my gf in roughly 60days and I want to feel that huge attraction to her, I don't want to dilute that by looking at porn or other women. Looking to abstain from tinder as well lol. She is long distance so I don't get to see her very often.
MAKING OF A FAILURE How many days and failures does one take to successfully complete the reboot??!! Mine's almost 2 years and during the time reached 10+ days for a record only 2 times!! 10 years ago before I began MOing I searched for the ill effects of it in internet, and came to the conclusion that it was totally healthy & normal. Eventually took up P as well. Never realised that PMO was the root cause of my misery, couldn't develop good relationship with friends nor with relatives. Affected academics as well. 2 months ago, somehow was about to be laid for the first time and there I found about my ED This shot my confidence to another low. No matter how much I try, this decade long addiction holds overpowers any resolution of mine. I don't know if I'll be able to come out of it, but I have already made a Decision. I would thank you guys Dr. Jerkyll, Tantricman among those who have encouraged me.. sorry guys I have failed.. but please pray for me coz I ain't giving up. I'll keep posting on a daily basis now on. Day 0 starts here!!
This is a long-term project, pure and simple. In fact, self-mastery for any man is a lifelong endeavor. It's hard, but it can be done. It encompasses all that you are, your character. Every single time, you have to get up and know that this is not the end of the story. It is not a tale of failure. That letdown feeling is a part of the relapse cycle. It makes you seek out a way to get into a downward spiral. More chaos, more relapses - that's what it wants. If you keep getting up, suffering through whatever you have to suffer to get through to a new day, eventually, a routine will develop. A daily pattern that can make it tolerable and easier to handle. Some benefits will start to kick in. The windows of abstinence will get wider and wider. Every day remind youself that you can do this. Find some piece of motivation. They say that to master a skill it takes 10,000 hours of dedicated, deliberated practice. How much time per day do we truly work on the project of building the life we really want? What type of man do you want to be? Find the path to get from here to there.
Day 17/60...today was a little bit tense, but still the master of my domain...the king of the castle...
