60 day diary notes

Age 37, addicted to porn for about the last 8 years with PIED and ED for the last couple of years motivating me on my NOFAP journey.

These are my personal diary notes and ramblings from the last 60 days. I've kept this more for my own benefit and to track my progress, but if it strikes a chord with a few others and helps you get through the tougher days and weeks then it's served its purpose. This forum has certainly been a huge help for me.

I have a separate 30 day thread on here, but this is a collation of my full diary from the last 60 days.

This is my full 'hard mode' account from Sunday 6th December to date. Will post again when I hit 90 days.

Weeks one, two and three

Insomnia, brain fog (I.e. trouble concentrating and focusing on one thing), mild but persistent headache and weak cold / flu symptoms plus dead dick but 21 days zoom by with no desire to wank or look at porn. My little chap is hanging there like a dead sparrow. Really not missing PMO. The best a girl could do for me at the moment is to take pity on me and cradle it for 5 minutes. 'Stop hanging there and do something!' is what I keep thinking. Zero libido.

In weeks 2 and 3 I start hitting new personal bests at the gym having been stagnant for months. Lifting more, cycling faster. Feeling strong and I want to workout for longer and do more. I feel good and these benefits are powering me forwards in spite of the dead sparrow between my legs keeping me company everywhere I go.

Week 3 benefits

Suffered with an armpit sweating issue for years and it's suddenly gone. For the best part of a decade they've been like waterfalls, from job interviews to meetings, so I always wear a jumper (even in hot weather) to try and hide my soaking wet shirts. This has disappeared - my armpits are drier than the Sahara, even in big presentations and meetings. Must be something to do with testosterone levels returning to normal I assume.

My voice has definitely dropped a couple of octaves. I keep talking to myself as I like it.

My flaccid penis is bigger in length and breadth, hangs prouder and feels softer. I love it and keep admiring it in the mirror. It also doesn't stink any more, which has been replaced by a very neutral smell. I no longer have to try and coat it in shower gel.

I feel confident, less nervous and want to socialise with people and go out more.

Still in flatline with zero libido, but the other superpowers are exceptionally motivating. I know many of these are just in my head, but it doesn't make them any less real.

Week four

Sleeping well. My insomnia has definitely cleared - I'm in bed for 10pm, asleep for 10:30pm and regularly sleep through until 6:00am. Hitting the gym hard after work every day definitely helps as I'm ready for bed by 10pm.

Days 22 and 23 I feel exceptionally horny, but with no desire to wank or look at porn. This feels like a carnal desire to penetrate a woman, to be with her and to enjoy the experience of being with her. It passes by going for a walk and listening to some music but I enjoy the sensation. Great erection too whilst thinking about a real woman rather than a porn scene.

I head to a shopping centre on day 22 for the Christmas sales. I usually hate it, but love interacting with the sales assistants and I swear down that four women check me out. This is new to me and I feel good. Thought I was imagining it at first but it was definitely there.

Day 25. I wake up with my first 100% morning wood that won't go down. It's been hovering at 50% for the past few days so feels great if a little embarrassing as I'm staying away for new year and the damn thing won't subside. Feeling like a man again and can't stop smiling. Brilliant confidence boost.

Day 27. Loads of sexual thoughts today that I can't seem to banish, but no desire to PMO. Little chap is up and down like a yo yo.

I've always been terrible at dual screening, flicking from one thing to another on my iPad or TV, but now I seem happy to concentrate on one thing at a time. I just settle in front of the TV without any desire to mess on my iPad or phone.

Day 28. Tingling all over and feeling super confident. Horny as hell but no desire to PM.

Week five

Day 29. Feeling pretty flat at the start of this week. Back to dead dick with zero libido. Not sure I could get it up for anything or anyone today. Also my first day back at work after the Christmas break so could just be 'first day back' depression and unrelated to NOFAP.

Day 30. Really proud of myself for making it to this milestone and motivated to see how I progress over the next month. Continuing to focus on work, gym and nutrition / food prep midweek with golf and hiking on weekends. Porn is no longer an option and I'm not sure how I used to fap away that many hours. Decent morning wood at 80%. Armpit sweating issue remains absent having haunted me for the best part of a decade - call me desert pits. These have gone from waterfalls to no moisture at all.

Day 31. Slept well but really tired this morning due to heavy gym sessions for the last 2 evenings after a 2 week break for Christmas. Feeling good & very motivated. Super efficient and sharp at work - bashing through projects like a boss.

Day 32. Slept reasonably well. Feeling like I need less sleep than usual - more 7 hours than my usual 8. Great gym session last night. 80% morning wood.

I'm now realising that the 30 / 60 / 90 day count can be misleading. I mean, what am I going to do when I hit these milestones, give up and go back to the way I was? Of course not. The 'porn is not an option' mentality is essential and you have to focus on living a life without PM from day one and bettering yourself each day rather than being obsessed with how long you've gone without. This is a new lifestyle choice not an abacus.

Week six

Days 33 - 42. Characterised by a return to flatline with little libido, but other superpowers continue to be present. Clear headed, super efficient and confident, women look so much more attractive etc but this is the toughest ten days I've been through on this challenge. Glad to be going into week seven.

I can't stand the thought of resetting the NOFAP clock back to day one and this motivates me every single day to keep pushing forwards. My NOFAP journey was triggered by a PIED episode with a super hot girl I adored and this has given me a super strong 'porn is not an option' mentality.

Week seven

Day 43. Out of flatline with a bang. I could dry hump the wardrobe, the door frame and the sofa today. 100% morning wood both days. Loads of sexual thoughts but still no desire to PM as it's not an option in my life, but I'd kill for a roll in the hay with a hot woman. Flatline has made the first 6 weeks of NOFAP relatively easy and stress free for me, but if these new sexual urges continue then more resolve will be needed for the next 6 weeks.

Not sure if anyone else has noticed this, but I'm obsessed with women's necks at the moment. How have I never noticed how attractive they are before? Must be turning into a vampire as I want to kiss and caress every attractive girl's neck that I see when I'm out and about. Women in the street look so much better and I want to speak to them. Hot women everywhere! Must resist as I continue my NOFAP journey.

Days 44, 45, 46 & 47. Sensitivity is coming back to my little chap. Full erections four days in a row to touch alone - not intentional as I was just having a wash and wahey, there they were. Also finding that just unintentionally brushing against stuff like furniture or a desk is turning me on throughout the day. I'm taking this as a good sign, even though I'm aware that another flatline could be around the corner and I need to be on my guard.

Days 48 & 49. Continue to be super horny but no desire to PM. Regular erections throughout the day and heaps of sexual thoughts that I banish by focusing on other hobbies. Really want sex and feel ready, but I'm committed to 90 days of NOFAP even though successful sex with a partner is my ultimate goal here. Don't want to rush anything or take a backward step too early so the quest continues, but I'm taking the regular sexual thoughts and fantasies as a healthy progression on this journey. No sign of another flatline period as yet.

Week eight

Day 50. Made it to my half century! Proud of this milestone and feeling good about myself, although I am literally a walking erection at the moment. If so much as a breeze tickles my trouser leg I've got stirrage. If an attractive woman looks at me and we make eye contact, I feel a jolt down below and I'm standing to attention. This is great but bloody hell it's tough to control the urges. Haven't been like this since I was a teenager with erections this strong. Feel like my dick is gonna burst and the head is pulsing.

I'm not thinking about porn and have no desire to PM, but the desire to have sex is bloody strong. This really makes me ponder what a normal libido is like as mine has been warped by porn so much over the past decade. For all I know it might be normal to be regularly turned on by attractive women in the street and to have sexual thoughts pop into your head several times each day.

My dick is super sensitive at the moment, but the sensitivity seems to go wider than that. My whole body seems more sensitive, from hands, neck and arms to inner thighs. Maybe not wanking to porn with a death grip up to 3 times a day has more far reaching changes?

Exercise continues to help with my urges. After a solid session in the gym after work I'm knackered and ready for bed, so I have zero PMO urges in the evening, which used to be my danger zone. It seems that the standard work day is more difficult if I allow my mind to stray from the task at hand.

Day 51. Major horn again this morning. I'm not complaining after the best part of 6 weeks in flatline, but this is tough. If this carries on I may have to think about a morning gym session as well. Being tired is the only thing that kills it. Not as many urges throughout the day as I'm really busy at work and this takes my mind off things.

Days 52, 53 & 54. Busy with work and training and they zoom by without any drama.

One thing I haven't recorded yet is that I've had a terrible dry & itchy scalp for the past 30 days or so. Could be unrelated to NOFAP, but I've never suffered with this before.

Days 55 & 56. Weekends are definitely tougher than weekdays. I'm too busy working, training and sleeping in the week to worry about things, but the weekends bring more down time and time for reflection, so sexual thoughts do creep in more often. I think some fantasy is normal and I'll never banish it altogether, so in that respect being out of flatline is good with regular erections throughout the day. Quite often these are triggered by coming into contact or interacting with attractive women when going about my daily routine - on the tram, out walking, in the shop.

Having a NOFAP playlist on my iPod helps. I listen to it when the urges hit me and the motivational songs remind me why I'm doing this.

Week Nine

Days 57, 58 & 59. So tired from work and training that I have little energy left for sexual thoughts. No morning wood, although I am tossing and turning a bit through the early hours so not coming out of a deep sleep. Gains at the gym, focus at work and sociability continue to be stellar... never thought I could push myself this hard.

Day 60. Woop Woop! Proud of the milestone, but don't really feel any different to day 30. Realising that NOFAP is what you make it... giving up PMO is one thing, but how you use this extra time, energy and confidence is what counts. If you choose to sit in front of your games console and eat pizza for 60 days then you won't reap the same benefits as someone who puts that time and energy to better use (cooking, working out, socialising, reading, getting a new wardrobe, developing new hobbies and generally bettering yourself). NOFAP is not a panacea for all your problems, but it can give you the energy, confidence and time to better yourself each day if (and this is a big if) you have the necessary motivation.

This segment between days 31 and 60 has been far tougher than the initial 30 days. The first 30 days had huge novelty value with new perceived benefits each day, but the second 30 days has just been a continuation with no new benefits aside from coming out of flatline. For the first month I was also happy with daily and weekly milestones ( e.g. 5 days, 7 days) but I now seem to focus solely on bigger chunks of time (e.g. 40, 50, 60 days) which means I have a lot of 'nothing' days and weeks in between these key markers. Somehow this mindset makes the NOFAP challenge tougher.
Here's hoping the next stretch from 61 to 90 days is easier. Coming out of flatline with a bang was a major danger period for me, so I'm still learning to cope with the regular teenage style erections and pop-up fantasies without resorting to PMO.