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60 Days - All pain and no gain? Is PMO my problem?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Sandsii, Jan 28, 2018.

  1. Sandsii

    Sandsii Fapstronaut

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    Hit 60 days today on my very first attempt at nofap and aside from mild urges its been pretty easy for me to resist PMO, its painful to fight those urges but I am able to. I am confident my self control is strong enough to keep my streak going until 90 days and so on. However.....

    I started nofap after hearing stories of how people's lives were transforming. Those with social anxiety and low self esteem were being cured, those who had never had a girlfriend before were dating, nofappers were getting their dream jobs or an energy surge or becoming more attractive - the list goes on.

    Before I started nofap I had social anxiety, I had low self esteem, I never had a girlfriend, I had no friends, I didn't have a dream job and I had bad skin. My problem is after 60 days...I'm still the same.

    I realise nofap is not a magic pill. I posted a thread after 30 days saying I wasn't experiencing anything better in my life BECAUSE of nofap and people said to stick at it, to get to 60 days, to get to 90 and you will soon reboot.

    Now, I have made changes in my life since I started those 60 days. My diet is now almost perfect, I workout regularly. I started my streak at around 16-18% body fat and I am now on the verge of having a six pack and in a few months time I will look really good, which is great for me and my confidence. I started learning Spanish, I started learning web coding. I can now do my own food shopping without being overwhelmed with anxiety and stress. I now meditate and can take cold showers. I am actively looking for new jobs and ideas for starting my own business. But is this really because of nofap?

    I feel many are quick to dedicate all the improvements in their lives solely due to nofap but in my case I cannot be sure it was down to it, I have no evidence. I feel nofap could be a result of my determination to try and improve my life and not the reason. That's not saying it hasn't worked, but if I was fapping all this time there is just as much chance I could've achieved these things as when I wasn't fapping.

    What if PMO wasn't the reason I was the way I was - lacking confidence, social skills and drive. What if it was just a scapegoat and there is another underlying problem causing my anxiety and loneliness?

    I realise this is NoFap's forum and people will be quick to demonise PMO but what if it isn't my problem? After all, aside from physical changes I have put into place during my streak I feel almost identical to the way I did when I was watching porn. Still socially anxious with low self esteem and a habit to procrastinate.

    Perhaps I haven't fully rebooted yet, perhaps I should get to 90 days and reassess, but frankly, i'm getting bored of waiting and being in a constant state of sexual frustration. I am no closer to getting a girlfriend than I was 60 days ago so I will not be 'relieving' myself anytime soon and its just another thing to "worry" about instead of just getting on and trying to improve my life.

    This is not my urges taking over either. Yes, they are always there in the back of my mind but I can always control them. If I wanted to reach 200 days then I think I would be able to do so, but it's at the point now where I don't think I want to, not without seeing any benefits. It just seems like all pain and no gain, constant obsession about wanting to improve without actually being able to do so.

    I watched porn a lot, usually daily from when I was 11 to when I was 21 years old but I am not sure it was ever an addiction but more of a habit. Just like some people take hot baths or watch TV to relax and pass time, I would watch porn. I enjoyed it, I never dreamt it would be bad for me until I discovered nofap. In fact I thought masturbation was supposed to be healthy. My friends used to watch it and they never had my problems, they were probably more addicted and into more hardcore stuff than I was, but they ended up finding girlfriends whereas I didn't, so naturally porn would be my reliever and they would likely move on.

    Now, here's my dilemma. Half of me wants to keep my streak going, i'm currently targeting at least 90 days before I even think about doing anything else. But, the other half of me wants to end nofap if I reach 90 days without any worthwhile improvements, believing (however stupidly it may seem) that PMO was never my issue but to just be more aware of how much I am abusing it. Nofap in itself is starting to become an obsession, an addiction, but without the pleasure.

    I am almost certain people will answer this thread with "just keep going" or "give it time you haven't rebooted yet" or "do something productive" or "get to 200 days", they're the logical answers, answers I have given fellow nofappers as words of encouragement too.
    But if you're not seeing any improvements and instead wasting time trying to fight urges is it really worth it at all?
     
    Fix_It_Mate likes this.
  2. Gota

    Gota Fapstronaut

    I think it's not about the days, it's about life without porn.

    You wrote that you were watching porn almost daily from age 11, so it's impossible to say what person you'd be without porn because you already grew up with porn. Porn affects us very different I think. Not all people who try alcohol end up being alcoholics. Sometimes transformations we see can be just placebo effect, self persuasion and are short living.

    You have social anxiety, no GF, lacking confidence but would you if you never discovered porn? It's impossible to answer. Unfortunately we can't change past, we can only change future.
     
  3. Fix_It_Mate

    Fix_It_Mate Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I actually feel quite similar. I haven't had *too* much trouble getting to day 55, but this streak hasn't magically given me confidence or the ability to hold a conversation with others. Outside current acquaintances, nobody seems to notice me either, just like before.

    I suggested before that I never developed the ability to communicate with others and read their body language because I wasted my adolescence with technology. This sort of habit and those skills are much harder to break/develop than giving up PMO.

    So I'm struggling to find purpose at the moment. I haven't gotten out much to develop those skills and I have been less inclined to exercise because the Australian summer is so damn hot at the moment. I've also been busier with university. Without as much exercise, my stomach (a bit smaller) and moobs are still there and I feel like I have achieved little to nothing.

    But I need to stop making excuses.

    The one thing I think PMO does is that it saps me of the desire to improve things in my life. I think to myself that if I PMO, then screw it, I might as well eat junk food and avoid exercising as well. For me, that's enough reason to stop so I guess I don't have the same thoughts about ending my streak.
     
    Sandsii likes this.
  4. furture doctore

    furture doctore Fapstronaut

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    first of all, bravo! you made it! well at least decided to challenge yourself and change yourself. i mean so called"changes" and "super powers", i think for everyone is different. for me, without doing PMO, i feel i have energy and i can do things! honestly, i can't do things due to tiredness and laziness after i did PMO before, but now, i have at least a bit extra energy to use, and extra time! this is super power for me! so discover what made you improve, and yes, PMO might not be the reason you feel down and all, but certainly is not the reason to make you happy right? its not giving you success you have been want to achieve, the person you want to become, right?

    not to mention, when you are in nofap, lots of people will experience depression and all that things make you feel uneasy. but after a while people start feeling better and feel improved in certain ways that they never thought they would. so please, for the sake of yourself, don't give up, if you keep it long enough, you will see the improvement!
     
    Sandsii likes this.
  5. Troels. L

    Troels. L Fapstronaut

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    I also made it to the 50 day mark, i think between day 30 and 60 are rough due to the fact that no seemingly confidence boost emerge during that period of time, i've heard around day 70 you will start rising in confidence again
     

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