60 days - Doubled my pre-nofap record - The change - An anecdote

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Gripseeker, May 21, 2018.

  1. Gripseeker

    Gripseeker Fapstronaut

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    30 days ago I posted about succesfully breaking my pre-nofap record of 30 days. I was not experiencing anything remarkable, other than just being happy about breaking the record.

    But something changes when you are approaching 60 days. I think it's safe to say I now feel it has become easier to not PMO. It's less on my mind. And when it is, I feel less pressured to act upon the urge, I can let it go easier. And that feels really good, makes me feel proud and confident. It yields me some more faith and energy to go tackle other life challenges, exactly what I need. I have generally become more centered and focused. When I see attractive ladies pass by, I notice them, think "wow", and then get on with what I was doing. I'm not completely distracted by it.

    That is ofcourse not to say that I've reached the "comfort" zone now. If I would do that, I would set myself up for failure starting from now. I don't believe you can recover from an addiction that lasted for >10 years in only 2 months. Nevertheless, I think it's safe to say that I notice that two months of abstinance have started changing my brain's neurological connections for the better.

    I was not planning on posting something about advice or lessons learnt in this post just yet (I think I'll do that if and when I reach 90-days). But last night allowed me to write a little eye-opening anecdote...


    By chance and for the first time ever, I talked about porn, masturbation, addiction and even nofap with someone else. I was having dinner in a noisy resto with a couple of my best friends and, because the context was convenient, I dropped the fact that I was abstaining from everything. Two of them were like "haha, good one, and continued a conversation between themselves that I couldn't hear". I turned to my best friend next to me and said I was about to be 60 days without PMO. He just started laughing, hard, like I had just made a good joke. I sat there though, told him I was serious and awaited his reply. His face then turned serious, asking "Are you really serious?! I can't believe that". Honestly guys, this friend of mine is not someone you easily surprise, so it surprised me a lot when I saw him in such awe and disbelief. We ended up talking about this stuff for the whole evening, and he was really impressed with 60 days without any MO.

    I want to share a lesson I learnt from that conversation. I asked my friend about his PMO habits. He is in a very fine relationship. He told me he used to watch porn, just like other friends with whom he had talked about this before. Since he got into a relationship two years ago, he does not watch porn anymore. However, he never felt bad after watching porn. This made me wonder why I do feel bad about it. Thing is, I used it many times to escape, to numb myself from bad feelings and problems in other parts of my life. He didn't. I have a good reason to quit porn now, he didn't. But what about MO? Interestingly, he says he still does it whenever he feels like it, often after waking up. But at night, when he's with his girl, the sex is just as smooth as on any other MO-free day. So it does not trouble him, nor his partner. He considers MO a normal part of life. He doesn't look at it as a problem, but more importantly, it is no problem for him.

    The lesson I got from this is: Decide if and why PO or PMO is a problem to you and determine at least one real good reason why you want to quit. Then find a way to remind yourself of it as often as you can. It's crucial for your chances to succeed.

    Cheers and good luck!
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2018
  2. Atrium_Guy

    Atrium_Guy Fapstronaut

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    Great work man - 60 days is something to be PROUD if!!
     
  3. I remember you when you started your streak here, it is nice to see that you have succeeded. i wish you the best, a good future awaits you.
     
  4. Inactive User

    Inactive User Fapstronaut

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    That is awesome man! Keep it up and never go back!

    Jealous of your friend lol. How is that even possible
     
  5. Hii my brother,Congrts for 60 days.Really great achievement.Keep it up and never stop.Cheers!!!:)
     
  6. I JUST WANTED TO SAY THIS...

    C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S
     
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  7. Gripseeker

    Gripseeker Fapstronaut

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    Thanks you guys, really appreciated!

    Yeah, I was surprised too, at first. But perhaps I should have added to the story that until two years ago, he's never had a relationship. So perhaps, watching porn was one of the reasons that kept him from looking for one... So it probably wasn't really good for him anyway. But my friend is an enthusiastic and succesful man. He doesn't let things drag on. He has good habits. He didn't use porn as an escape. Hi slife wasn't messed up because of it.

    On the contrary, many people here on nofap (including me) clearly dislike, even hate, their current lifestyle, where they escape from real life (challenges) more often than not through PMO, thereby also decreasing desire to seek and confidence to have intimacy and sex with a real partner. It is this behavior that is absolutely wrong, becomes addictive and will make you feel bad. Plenty of reason there to quit for me.
     
  8. Your conclusion is a solution for most of us out here..

    Thanks for sharing..

    Congratulations my man!!
     
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  9. Vherenz

    Vherenz Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations on reaching 60+ days. Great post!
    The conclusion you shared is a very crucial part of the nofap journery. One has to find the "why" part.
    If one has a strong enough "why" then that itself is a strong motivation.
     
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  10. Gripseeker

    Gripseeker Fapstronaut

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    Thanks to the both of you!!

    I want to add something to my post...and it is awesome!
    It's incredible that I reached 60 days, something I never thought was possible, let alone that I could do it!

    But the past 1,5 day has been CRAZY. I'm having crazy urges
    , and it all got triggered because of seeing a VERY sexy video on youtube yesterday. Accidently, but I got sucked into it for minutes. I was sweating it off, it was SO tempting. And with these 60 days in my pocket, I have never felt so incredibly sexually powerful! And today not so long ago, the same thing happened.

    BUT I actually got out of it! I still can't believe it. I got out of it yesterday, and I got out of it just a little while ago, though I was so close to giving in. But this is the proof for me. I feel so much stronger than ever! The temptation from yesterday and today would have KILLED me 60 days ago... I would have never been able to not give it. And it's strange guys, but at this moment, not even an hour later after I got out of it, I'm in some kind of extacy! Like, I am completely in control of myself! In that situation... it's just mind-blowing! I'm sitting here, laughing like I just won the lottery. :D
     
  11. Vherenz

    Vherenz Fapstronaut

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    Well done, friend. This shows how well you are in control of yourself now. Keep up the good work. Stay strong and keep fighting. :)

    I also had a similar experience the last time I relapsed to a trigger. We cannot always prevent triggers. There will be times when we accidentally encounter triggers, at those moments we learn how to fight the urges that arise from such situation.

    Once we realize that something is triggering us, then we should start to avoid it or ignore it.
     
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  12. Robbiebob

    Robbiebob Fapstronaut

    60 days. ... Bloody-hell... That's what I'm trying for. .. Your a great man! !... Rob
     
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  13. Gripseeker

    Gripseeker Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Rob! The sometimes nail biting process of consistenly not giving in, is really going to yield after a good while.
    You too can do it, so do it!
     
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  14. Lucky Shadow Posture

    Lucky Shadow Posture Fapstronaut

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    Indeed. When we stop feeding the troublemaker side of ours, other seemingly trivial activities start to become appealing once again.

    There's a reward I want to achieve with this whole no PMO thing. The ability to minimize the impact of my instincts. Be able to refrain from doing what my body would consider as logical at first.
    To not let the Reactive self command how I approach unexpected events.
     
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  15. stephanD

    stephanD Fapstronaut

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    I think that is so perceptive about why some people have a problem and some don't and what the real issue is; when the problem isn't porn, porn is the thing you're using to escape your problems. Thanks for sharing.
     
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  16. Gripseeker

    Gripseeker Fapstronaut

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    Yes, we must refuse to be reactive. Therefore, we must be aware that anything can happen at any moment. And we must automate the chain of thoughts that will keep us in check when something happens. Knowing that we can rely on our own good automatism that keep us away from bad stuff, makes us feel really good about ourselves. More importantly, we will trust ourselves to handle difficulty. We will develop self-confidence, and even proudness.

    Absolutely. I don't see porn as the core problem. I went through the process of digging up all the reasons why I have been watching porn. All of those reasons I found are intrinsicallly related with some aspect in life that is going wrong. Watching porn nearly always is a reaction to something bad, just to feel good again. It's a bad habit, developed to deal with difficulty, yielding only short-lived pleasure. It's a wolf in sheep cloth. It makes the running away from problems a pleasant thing to do. Guilt hits only after.

    It is not the core problem but it allows us to continue living despite not solving our core problems. Imagine that we had no way whatsoever to numb ourselves from real pertinent problems that we refuse to tackle. We would waste away, become very sick, perhaps mentally die. You either work on the real problems, or you find a way to numb yourself from them.

    Using porn to escape from core problems is problematic. I know that because when I ask myself if porn messes with my life, the answer is 'yes'. That bad habit is developed precisely as an alternative to dealing with life challenges in a good way. I feel guilty after watching pron precisely because deep down inside I know I am doing the wrong thing. Intead of putting work into real problem solving, I am numbing myself for them. And because this bad habit keeps me in a vicious cycle, I have to mentally put myself above this cycle, observing what it's doing to my life and then decide to step out of it if I want my energy to go to solving real problems.
     
  17. sknnyjns

    sknnyjns Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations on the 60 days!
     
  18. Gripseeker

    Gripseeker Fapstronaut

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    Thank you!
     
  19. Pyara31

    Pyara31 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing this post and congratulations on such a wonderful streak and moreover acquiring such a good positive mind because that's what matters. Yes you are right about that part where you said "2 months are not going to make you quit your 10 year old addiction", I remember when I reached 60 days and then eventually 90 days it was an incredible feeling and my brain was just a whole lot positive and I felt like I had conquered the world only to fall 9 days after that. Not saying that you would too, just don't let any excuse enter your mind, anything that would divert you from your goal, avoid it. Keep your focus and always remember your "Why". Much power to you man, stay vigilant.
     
  20. Gripseeker

    Gripseeker Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a lot man for your sharing your concerned thoughts. We must all work hard on seeing the things as they really are, keep that in mind and base our actions upon that, instead of blindly and solely trusting in our emotions to determine what we should do. We start a streak with great passion and motivation but if we fail in keeping that alive every single day, we relapse. We unleash all our feelings of victory when we achieve a unique record, but when we forget all humble considerations, letting down-to-earthness rise up and evaporate, we relapse.

    My focus every day is on the day, but after hitting 60 days, a certain awesome milestone, I felt pleasant surprise, satisfaction and proudness. But it's the perfect moment for someone to lose some focus. And I think the mere fact of reaching such a milestone can cause crazy urges, because you're feeling like, you've done it, which implies, you finished homework, can now play in the garden, so to speak. So you automatically think about doing PMO before you know it. I had crazy urges for 1,5 days. I could have relapsed. Were it not for my sustained focus and (by now) more hardened mind, I would have.
     
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