60 days Hard Mode… Realizations so far

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by JimmyParacas, Nov 26, 2014.

  1. JimmyParacas

    JimmyParacas Fapstronaut

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    On Early Relapsing: I haven’t relapsed once since I started the NoFap. Not even once. I’m not lying. So, what, am I cut from a different cloth? Why am I different from the other guys?

    I see posts of guys who can’t go past day 4 or day 20, struggling. Like this is supposed to be a hard won fight, a Rocky Balboa match, a pushing of a huge rock, uphill, in the snow. And that is exactly how you stay addicted, by making a struggle out of it. That’s the only difference between winners and losers. Winners learned how to not make a struggle out of it.

    Serotonin and Dopamine, the happiness or achievement substances in our brains. We know enough about them. We know we don’t produce those when we think about student loans, when we lose a martial arts battle, when we study for a test, when we do something that’s difficult for us and we can feel the opponent, whether it’s a math subject, a loan, or just anxiety itself, winning. Actually, in the case of a martial arts fight, at least you know you dared, and that is an achievement of sorts. So you might just produce a little bit of dopamine by the excitement of the challenge. But here’s what I’m getting at: in the brain chemistry sense, it is actually better to go get your ass kicked in a dojo than to sit down and to try not to think about porn.

    You won’t produce dopamine nor serotonin if you just sit your ass down and think about not thinking about porn. How the fuck do you pretend to go beyond day 20 if you haven’t occupied every second of your life in this release from one of the most difficult addictions, and perhaps the one least understood by scientists so far, if you haven’t made the necessary changes in your lifestyle?

    It’s easy: Not watching porn = uncomfortable struggle. Watching porn = Comfortable release.

    So your brain’s never going to produce dopamine if you don’t do happy shit. Your life outside of the porn world is so difficult, so it keeps craving the release. It keeps reminding you that it knows where the last depot of dopamine is… Inside the porn world!

    You can’t not fix a portion of your life and expect NoFap to work. You need to get dopamine from something else. Peace of mind, fun, human contact. I know some of you may be shy, depressed, or what not, but if you don’t get the dopamine then you will relapse, or you will make a struggle out of not relapsing. That’s when relapsing is nothing but a time bomb. Your struggle until you give in, then you convince yourself you are weak, dirty, low self-esteem comes, and now you can’t go out again. You’re even shier than before

    Seriously, if you guys keep relapsing before day 20 you either need to see a psychiatrist and tell them you’re depressed, or you need to fucking get out more.

    Constant relapse just involves some dumb self-sabotage to unconsciously preserve your identities as failures. Constant relapsing folks are just people afraid to succeed in my opinion. I am afraid to succeed, God knows I am. But at least I stay busy!

    That’s all I have to say. 60 days hard mode, PMO’ing since age 14, and can’t believe people self-sabotage before day 20.

    YOU decide whether it’s easy or not. It doesn’t have to be a struggle. Maybe you need it to be a struggle, maybe you need to feel like those dumb heroes from dumb Michael Bay movies who blow shit up and go to war for bullshit reasons while getting the blonde in the process. Life’s not like that. At least dopamine and serotonin are not like that, they are about peace, love, harmony, and understanding. Keep Calm and quit pretending this is a struggle.

    I think about NoFap so little I hardly ever post every 30 days or something like that. And btw, I think the whole army idea of NoFap is stupid. The whole idea of war is stupid. Start having fun, for fuck’s sake.

    ------------------------------------------

    EDIT:
    Some people found the tone in my post degrading. They are right, it was not my intention, but that's how the post turned out. So to clear the whole issue, a few remarks:

    1.- I am not saying that I am indeed different from those who fail. I am not, no one is. Some people have decided to make a struggle out of NoFap. Those, of course, will have it the worst, and blame it on their brain chemistry.

    2.- I know I made it sound like this was easy, but now I would like to, like in my previous post, give a short recount on the humnaongous amount of stuff I do to stay clear from porn.

    - Psychiatric help: I am being treated. Taking Paroxetine for depression and obsessive-compulsion. Huge Help! If you insist on blaming it on your brain, then go see a psychiatrist, already? They really can help you with depression and compulsion, they have medicine and stuff XD.

    - Zen Meditation: been practicing since about 5 years hard.

    - Boxing, Yoga and Salsa Casino: I consider salsa casino to be the most important of the three because there I have physical contact with women. Being hugged and touching other people balances your chemistry nicely.

    - Computer is: outside my room, k9 is in it.

    - Healing my relationship with my family: With therapy. This, I believe, is fixing the problem at its source.

    - Work: Trying to establish a decent, steady income. Failed so far, but still trying.

    - Love: Huge fail. Trying to focus on other goals.

    - Friends: Huge win. They know about my addiction, are very loving, very hugging and supportive.

    All of this is to make the abstinence process easier. Otherwise is you brain against itself. You have to make it fun outside the porn world! This is the ony difference between those who win and those who don't.
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2014
  2. Iggy

    Iggy Fapstronaut

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    I agree, I have relapsed over and over in the past, but I've been keeping myself so busy lately, meeting new people, getting to work on things I want to learn and accomplish that I feel like I've had literally no time to even think about masturbating.

    Seriously guys, make schedules of what you want to do in a day- it can be anything, meditation, reading, going out with friends, doing some washing, going to the gym, just make sure your day is full and you won't even think about porn!
     
  3. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    Nigga yes!

    It's like those fat reality shows. The truth is we are those fat overweight slobs that don't wanna give up porn instead of food. The ones that succeed in the big milestones are those fat slobs that go from 60 stone to a lean 9 stone.

    They just want it real bad. The ones that fail don't want it enough. Simples.
     
  4. Cojax

    Cojax Fapstronaut

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    I agree with the keeping busy part! It´s vital to success, you dont want to allow your brain to dwell on failure and so on.

    With that said, be careful with your words there my friend.. Telling a cocain addict who relapses it´s because he dont want it bad enough does not encourage him, at all. And we know sex is as addictive as cocaine. Most people here want this bad, thats why some guys relapse multiple times, but keep getting up. We are addicted to this because of different reasons, and some have deeper issues. Like you said, therapy might help in those cases. But never tell anyone he relapses because he does not want this bad enough.
     
  5. Midnight motivation

    Midnight motivation Fapstronaut

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    I understand completely what you're saying, though it can be a lot harder for certain people. As they might have a highly addictive personality, which makes it seem impossible to forepass 20 days

    Congrats on the progress though
     
  6. goa

    goa Fapstronaut

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    This is a good thread with some interesting points. For my coin's worth, I'm inclined to agree with tweeby above, to a lesser extent.

    There seem to be some people on this site who appear to really want to change their life, who abstain from PMO for a time but also appear unwilling to make the lifestyle changes needed to do so.

    In other words, they just decide one day to say, "no more!" - but they don't put any support in place to help themselves, and they don't have any goals to aim for to fill the void. That's like trying to build a bridge without securing solid foundations first or working out where the bridge goes. It doesn't work.

    If you focus solely on quitting PMO you'll probably fail IMO. You need to turn it into the positive goal of moving towards something else that you really want.

    It's not easy at all; I think that it needs some self-examination and a bigger commitment and support level than some give it. And yes, sometimes, that support means therapy in certain cases with deeper issues.
     
  7. monkotto

    monkotto Fapstronaut

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    jimmy - what about strong cramps in the head?!

    nice that this abstinence is easy for you. maybe you are a very relaxed guy or you have an extrem strong will.

    for me this is the hardest fight in my life.

    it is possible that you feel different. everyone deals different with this addiction.

    and beware in my first try i had the hardest urges between day 70 and day 80.
     
  8. I do not believe putting people down is helpful. That said, I agree in full that something must be a pursuit outside of unhealthy habits in order to quit them.
     
  9. goa

    goa Fapstronaut

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    Agreed. This is a forum where we should support each other - but we should be honest with each other too (in the right way, of course).
     
  10. KrmGrn

    KrmGrn Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I think this can be a lot more challenging for some people than others. We're not all the same.

    I think the new habits we create and strategies we put in place are really crucial to success. And a part of that is definitely staying busy with other things.

    I also post here everyday because I enjoy helping people.
     
  11. NU-LIFE

    NU-LIFE Fapstronaut

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    You know jimmy, I think your right and wrong. On the part about making some goals, getting out, and enjoying life your absolutely right. I haven't relapsed yet since finding out about my addiction, my pied, and nofap, and that is for sure because I haven't cared about my counter, or sat around thinking about it. I've been getting out and attacking my goals.

    However, some of what your saying is extremely insensitive. You really think your "cut from a different cloth"? You say that's the difference between winning and losing. Give me a break man! Everybody here is cut from the same cloth. That's why we're all here. To call someone who relapses after 4 or 20 days a loser is appalling, and those comments should be kept to yourself. I'm sorry but that angers me so much. Nofap is a battle. I post on my journal daily. I find it helps me immensely. Whatever works for people just works.

    I'm not trying to kick up any dust here, but in my opinion nobody is a loser, or losing for trying to better their life. The addiction is stronger in some people's brains then others. That's just my opinion.
     
  12. Nikantor22

    Nikantor22 Fapstronaut

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    I agree with the overall points of your posts. It's only recently clicked to me that I needed to overall every aspect of my life to beat this. I was always focused on porn, and as you said, that only led to relapse. Lately I've been focused on working out, going out more, finally reading a book, and generally not thinking about not fapping to porn. It's complete self-improvement that goes well beyond simply stopping a bad habit.
     
  13. dpaulson122

    dpaulson122 Fapstronaut

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  14. JimmyParacas

    JimmyParacas Fapstronaut

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    I'm editing my post based mostly on how some people found it had a degrading tone to it. Nu-Life pointed it out with most clarity
     
  15. ruso

    ruso Fapstronaut



    Much of what you said I've been meaning to write, specially the part quoted above. For SOME not all, the drama and high emotions involved in relapsing/then starting over/then relapsing may be the thing that holds them back.

    Congrats on your success. I HOPE YOU KEEP IT UP and look at back at your super confident post when you have bad moments.
     
  16. ADC

    ADC Fapstronaut

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    First I'd like to point out that you're putting people down and literally calling them "loosers" for relapsing. This is not the right attitude if you want to motivate someone and this type of post should not be posted here.

    Also I kinda disagree with this :

    Actually this is a hard fight for most of us. This is my first reboot and I'm already on Day 122 and I always considered it as a fight. People must be prepared to fight because some days it will be hard as hell and I think the first reason why people relapse is they don't understand how much they f***** their brain up.

    You may not be part of those who almost throwed their head into a wall because of withdrawals but I can assure you some people here (including me) did.

    Even though I disagree with this part I must say that I completely agree with the other one : you perfectly understood a new way of thinking was needed in order to succeed. Especially about the benefits of exercising.
    Congratulations for making it to 60 days so far and hope you keep it up bro. We can do it !
     
  17. beauty

    beauty Fapstronaut

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    Really? I feel sad for you. I mean I'm 67 days in and the battle isn't nearly as tough comparatively to weeks 1,2 and 3. Perhaps you need to focus less on NoFap and build your life away from it. The more attention we give something the more power we ultimately give it. Think about it.
     
  18. purity

    purity Fapstronaut

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    solid insight/advice.
     
  19. ADC

    ADC Fapstronaut

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    Lol you don't need to feel sad, you didn't understand my comment ! :)
    I'm not struggling like this anymore of course. I just said that between Days 20-60 days were hard like they never been
     

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