60 Days - How I got here and the improvements so far! ED progress!!

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by thel00ker, Sep 26, 2017.

  1. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

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    Well after several attempts to reboot I finally reached 60 days. I'll try to do a Before and After comparison about the most important things that have changed in my life thanks to nofap and what things I did in order to achieve this goal.

    Sorry for the long post in advance, I know it's a lot but I wanted to share how I'm doing and maybe it motivates other people to keep going or to start out. I feel like I'm less emotional or optimistic than other people so I'm not promising superpowers or girl magnets. but I'm actually seeing a better way of enjoying and going through life that I didn't see possible before.

    First steps: I started the reboot right after a relapse, generally I would wait a few days till the guilt and shame faded away to start again. Sometimes I would take advantage of the relapse to keep using porn some more and when I touched bottom I would say to myself that this was enough and then start rebooting again.
    This time, the moment I relapsed, I decided with a clear mind that I would start my reboot and this helped a lot.

    Another thing that really set my mind to it was to realize that I was about to finish university, and even though I was doing good academically I was not really proud of myself. Being a porn addict is not something that I was holding me down a lot. I saw that I was happy about lots of things in my life but porn was covering all those things up. After several failed reboots I saw the power of the addiction and thought to myself : "what if I can't get away from this addiction" this thought really scared me into a small crisis that motivated me to make the change.

    Here are 3 things that changed:
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    1/3)
    BEFORE: Clouded and tiresome mind.
    Specially on the first first days of the reboot (20-25 days) my mind was very crowded with thoughts about tons of things. Every time I had to focus on something thoughts about porn, and other anxiety producing thought came continuously to bother me.
    How I solved it:
    Meditation was a big one, I used headspace for the first days and then I torrented the rest (it's illegal, don't do it)
    This got me into the habit of observing my thoughts, even though I had some experience doing it it was great to start over again with a program like this.
    gym: Going to the gym, or going for a run helped me out quiet down my thoughts. I usually had most of my urges in the night or the afternoon. So going to the gym from 4pm onwards gave me some quiet mind time in the most stressful and triggering times.

    AFTER: Clear and fresh mind.
    I realized how messed up my head was when it started to function better. The difference is enormous, now most of the day I have a clear mind. I can focus on each problem individually and solve it easily by thinking about it. If I can't solve it at least I can work out a plan to deal with it.
    Also, my everyday problems lost a lot of power over me. I don't feel as stressed as before and I have more energy to jump out of bed and face my day without much struggle. Of course I have difficult and challenging days but at least i'm dealing with interesting, work-related stuff and not porn.
    Give your mind 20 or 30 days to achieve this, and help it by meditating and exercising enough.
    --------------
    2/3
    BEFORE: Masturbation was almost a struggle, orgasm was the main objective. ED.
    I did not masturbate on the first days of the reboot (20 days) but then I started masturbating from time to time, I always tried to keep a hard on but felt very worried when I could not orgasm. this was sometimes accompanied by ED. A kind of flatline I guess. This fueled a lot of insecurities when I went out with a girl.
    I told myself I needed a hard-on to have sex, that she was expecting an erection and I needed to be fully erect all the time because that was 'expected' of me.

    DURING:
    I realized that I was masturbating without feeling turned on. While I masturbated I had to place porn images in my head in order to get to climax and this was a struggle. orgasm was a very difficult stage to reach without porn.
    this may be difficult to explain but:
    I saw that the things that turned me on from porn are not the same ones that turn me on on real life.

    HOW I SOLVED (or trying to)

    As the reboot started to make it's effects "porn Images" lost it's power so I started masturbating to actual sex moments that I had before. I jacked of to real experiences that I went through. it's not always easy though.

    Going to the gym helped me to be more fit, and more importantly more conscious of my own body. During baths I soap myself up and try to experience my body and see how it feels and how it reacts to touch. Before I would simply focus on my penis and surrounding areas now I have an idea of where and how I like to be touched. I guess this also helps to rewire my turn-ons.

    NOW: Masturbation feels more pleasurable and less objective driven.
    I realized that porn and sex are two different beasts. porn is about stimulating visually and it generates very unrealistic expectations.
    Now turning myself on is not about thinking about specific bodyparts or actions. It's about imagining myself with another person, feeling trust and the desire to make each other feel pleasure. Even though I still struggle with it: ED and performance anxiety have both faded a lot.
    I fantasize about being close to another person. feeling intimacy and trust. having an orgasm is a result of all of this, it's no longer my main objetive.
    I feel like slowly, i'm starting to know what actually turns me on and I want to try it with someone real. Having sex (something that created anxiety before) is starting to be something that I'm looking forward to.

    Although a lot of people in NoFap are against masturbation. In my case I feel it helped to modify a lot of my beliefs about my own body and be more confident about it. I feel more connected to it. Or at least connected in a very different way.
    I thing I masturbate 2 or 3 times a week now. I have a natural desire to do it, specially when I think about a girl i'm going out with.
    ---------
    3/3
    BEFORE: Feeling ashamed of my porn addiction and myself.
    NOW: Feeling proud and happy about who I am becoming.
    This one is an obvious one, but it's important. For me being a porn addict sucked. I felt like a fool and most importantly felt like I was missing out in a thousand things in life that I knew I would enjoy.
    Without porn I feel like I can be whoever I want. My struggles are real, and I can measure them objectively. If I achieve something, I can be happy about that and not be dragged down by the thoughts of porn.
    Now I am actively working on improving myself physically and mentally. Working hard every day. I realized that I have a lot of potential and I'm happy to exploit it every day.
    When I meet someone new, it feels different, like I have nothing to hide. and this feels amazing.
    ------------
    Other things that changed:

    I feel like i'm actually enjoying life now, and every day I am happier about living it.

    I feel more open and more willing to experience new things and new people.

    I'm more open to conversation and feel more sure about what I say, I also have no problem in staying quiet when I have nothing good to say. This makes me feel confident.

    I can plan ahead more efficiently and have fantasies about my future. Before I would be really short minded when thinking about what I wanted to do with my life.

    I have more energy when I wake up and feel less tense and stressed throughout the day.

    Around girls I stopped thinking about hitting on them and having sex. I'm more interested in actually knowing them and specially making an impression on them that can last. Being chill and not so sex oriented relaxed me a lot when interacting with girls.

    I'm more open about my insecurities with other people and can also see other people's insecurities more easily. This helps me talk about lots of things and get into good conversations that help me and help other people out in dealing with different struggles in life.

    HOCD and Bisexual thoughts: I had these all my life, and masturbated a lot to gay porn before. Now that faded a lot and i'm more focused on having a girlfriend than ever before. bisexual fantasies are no longer stressing me out. and if they appear I just let them be for a little until they go away.

    Important advice:

    Be active all day long
    , make sure you work hard on school, work, gym or anything else you're doing. this will make you tired and specially proud because you're making a good change. There is a HUGE difference between staying home all day long doing little and procrastinating and working on something and arriving home tired but proud of what you did.

    Block all the sites that generate triggers:
    I use a chrome extension called "Block Site" and use "waste no time" for Safari. Now when I get into Tumblr (i miss u tumblr) it redirects me to google.com. I uninstalled all other browsers from my computer and added a lot of porn webpages to the blocked list. It was interesting to see how many webpages I know from memory.

    Stay away from your trigger zones. For me my house was a place where I was alone during a long time and where I procrastinated a lot leading me to a lot of triggers. I stayed away from my house doing homework at libraries of friends houses. went to work, changed at my house and left to the gym. When I was feeling really tired I arrived home to take a bath and sleep.

    Be with other people: Being with others helped me out A LOT. specially with other couples. even if it was just to chill and do nothing. It helped me out to see different lifestyles and ways of wasting or enjoying time that are not related to porn. Plus its amazing to spend time with friends.

    Gaming: This is a sensitive subject because it's easy to replace one addiction with another. But in times of of anxiety I played half an hour of Call of Duty or Battlefield and this helped me out especially when I arrived home after a long stressful day.

    Focus on your body: Finding good things to eat, working out and using my spare time to learn about a healthy lifestyle was very helpful.

    Computer:
    If you're using the computer and start procrastinating leave the computer. eat something, take a 20 min nap, take a walk etc etc. procrastination for me leads to thoughts about watching porn and I feel like I cannot continue working if I didn't masturbate.

    That's it for now, hope this helps. I know that there is a long long way to go here so I'm excited about my future. And as always thanks to people like @MrGeonov and @TheSpaniardDude that support me everyday.
     
  2. I'm bookmarking this.

    Congrats man!
     
  3. MeTP

    MeTP Fapstronaut

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    THANK YOU I NEEDED POST LIKE THIS ON THIS EVENING !
     
  4. Awesome dude!! Waiting for the 90 day celebration ;)
     
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  5. WreckTangle

    WreckTangle Fapstronaut

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    Great post @thel00ker and thanks for the inspiration!
     
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  6. Scorpion2

    Scorpion2 Fapstronaut

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    Congrats on overcoming your porno addiction.

    Having said that I would say that you are not on NoFap but instead on no porn journey.

    As I understand it NoFap is mainly about not masturbating and most people take it a step further and go no pmo which is no porno masturbation or orgasm even through sex.

    Not trying to take anything away from your success but I would definitely say you are not on 60 day NoFap but on 60 day no porn...dont kid yourself you relapsed after 20 days.
     
  7. jalls

    jalls Fapstronaut

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    Keep up your momentum. Nice job!
     
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  8. Gclement56

    Gclement56 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your well written and articulate post!
     
  9. 5adn8m8

    5adn8m8 Fapstronaut

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    Great post.thx for sharing!!
     
  10. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

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    Hi Scorpion! sorry for the misunderstanding!

    When I say "...things that have changed in my life thanks to nofap" I referred to Nofap as the webpage and not as the mode I'm working on.

    As I understand there are several 'modes' you can do this in and as you say, mine would be "Porn-free mode".

    Thank you for the clarification!
     
  11. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

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  12. Adrsrg

    Adrsrg New Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations mate!!!
    Im starting to feel the same way! Keep Up
     
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  13. Ghanaguy

    Ghanaguy Fapstronaut

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  14. MrGeonov

    MrGeonov Fapstronaut

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    Amazing my friend, you are a good example to us! I am gonna reach you soon, so better keep it up! ;)
     
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  15. 2017los

    2017los Fapstronaut

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    enjoying life arent we?
     
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  16. EarlOnTheSet

    EarlOnTheSet Fapstronaut

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    Dude way to go that's awesome! I'm happy for all the improvements you're noticing and looking forward to hopefully experiencing some of the same developments personally.

    Being just 12 days in myself, I'm curious how you came to decide your reboot could make room for masturbation? I'm not at all judging, your reboot sounds like a resounding success to me. I'm just curious because I wonder if someday (probably distant future) I'd be able to reintroduce masturbation into my life without reigniting my taste for P or feeling like I'm compromising my sexual health, since I also struggle with ED. Just curious what your experience with that was like.

    Keep up the good work! You're an inspiration.
     
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  17. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

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    Hey man!
    In my case I did not masturbate for 20-25 days, actually because I didn't feel like it, I was really numbed down and didn't feel attraction or exitement towards anyone.
    When this attraction and excitement started to show up (though wet dreams etc) I started masturbating. I admit I didn't think much about it. Maybe 12 days it's too soon to get back to masturbation, there is no defined plan though. Nofap advices to avoid masturbation all together to speed up the process.

    It's important to take into consideration the context of each reboot. In my case this reboot was one of many, on the previous ones I felt like I did some progress. So maybe on this one was a little easier for me so I reached a good number of days easily. On the beginning of the reboot I was on a family trip, so there was no place to be alone or computers to watch porn on. I was sharing every moment of my day with friends or with family. When I got back from the trip I started working on a farm, with little or no internet and also filled with people.

    What I'm trying to say is that even if I masturbated or not, there was no much room for porn. I did have to be careful and block the computer, avoid being alone with technology etc. But your environment is is key for getting better. "The opposite of addiction is conection". So if you make an effort to be constantly busy, with people, friends, family..your life will be filled with tons of good and fulfilling things that with make porn seem useless. Pay special attention though, because when these things fade a little you'll feel a big pull from porn. Feeling lonely for just a minute will make you feel like you need porn again.

    The problem with masturbation is that when you're not doing it you are filled with energy. The moment you orgasm this energy is released and for at least a day (in my case) I feel a little weaker, more vulnerable, lonely. And these are the feelings that tend to drag you back into porn. If in these moments you're not paying special attention to your surroundings, your thoughts and behaviour you may get dragged down again into a relapse. Don't underestimate these situations, they made me fall back into a relapse tons of times.

    On ED. First of all understand that there is no actual physical condition you have that makes you have ED. It's all psychological. If you're in your 20's 30's it's difficult for you to have real problems. Check with a doctor. in my case I realized that my erections were directly related to being nervous or having performance anxiety so I knew I could rule out something physical. If you are relaxed and motivated you will have an erection.

    Some days ago, after writing this post I spent an afternoon with a girl, a kind of netflix and chill type situation. We didn't have sex but we did tons of stuff that are previous to that. Before meeting her I was super anxious and thinking about that exact moment when "an erection is needed but I'm not having any". This thought always makes me very anxious and kills any possibility of having an actual hard on. It's like I'm expected to have an erection at a precise time, what if I don't, what will she think of me etc etc etc on and on and on haha.

    Don't fall for this, you don't need and erection. Don't even expect to have one. Just show up, relax. Enjoy the other person's body, kiss, touch etc etc. enjoy the fact that you're actually having a good time with someone else and when you just forget about the whole issue and start enjoying that moment the erection will come on it's own. at the right time. Don't make an effort to maintain it, don't try to make it harder or question it. Just let it be, trust your body that it's doing the right thing.

    If you can't get out of your own head and the problem persists, just be clear about it. "hey just want to let you know that when I get excited I generally get anxious and have trouble getting a hard on, If you give me time everything will be allright." No girl will ever question this and you'll feel much less pressure to perform. But remember. this is not a performance at all. You're just there to have a good time.

    Just be there to enjoy her body, try to find what actually turns you on about the other person. Not what it's expected to turn you on. Tons of times I saw boobs for example, and didn't feel much. and in the moment I thought wow, I'm not getting turned on, what is wrong with me, it's happening again etc etc etc.. Actually seeing boobs doesn't do much to me. but touching them, lincking them haha that does the trick, I really enjoy that! I know it's sounds stupid and maybe obvious, but in porn a guy sees a nipple and he is already on fire. Real life is different, its much more physical. turning yourself on takes time. So find what you enjoy about girls and feel it, in real life. Looking at porn won't give you this information about yourself. There is a huge difference between looking at a screen and touching someone else's body. Sorry if I'm being graphic here.

    What I learned about myself while masturbating during the reboot is to get excited about things I actually like. don't masturbate and think about porn scenes. Masturbate and feel your body. Imagine a real girl and what you like about her. Maybe this is dangerous for the reboot. But in my case it worked. When I met this girl the other day I had an amazing time, we watched a movie first we hugged then we kissed etc etc. It felt natural, the progression was slow and gave me a lot of time to relax and ended up having a great afternoon.

    I realized I wrote a lot. sorry for the long answer. But in conclusion . Wait some more time to masturbate. if you're going to do it, don't do it when your body is asking for porn.
    Do it when you feel actually horny. And then build up your confidence about your own body and try to find someone real, someone that you can relax with and have a good time. It's not about sex at all. It's about having (at least) a small connection, and sharing a moment with someone you like.

    Good luck man!!
     
  18. EarlOnTheSet

    EarlOnTheSet Fapstronaut

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    Wow thanks for the incredible response. That really hit on a lot of big things I've been worrying over. I couldn't have asked for a more thorough answer. I especially appreciated the perspective on ED. I tend to think of it as some illusive barrier I hope to possibly get over at some point in the future. It helps having a clearer approach of how to specifically work on that. Cheers!
     
  19. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

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    Glad I could help!
     
  20. Congratulations!!! Keep yourself on track!!
     
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