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60 days porn free and not going back

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Deleted Account, Jul 4, 2021.

  1. I don't understand how I got here or if what I am experiencing is even real. On the one hand I am afraid of slipping backwards. On the other, I know that I can't. I refuse. Porn will always be an option, it just doesn't work all that well. It doesn't bring about the results I want outside of anesthetizing me to my failures. Without that anesthetic, I am forced to confront the evidence of my life and that evidence is overwhelming. I struggle to concoct a new story. I struggle to see the reality of my life and to chart a new course. By succumbing to pornography addiction I have worked against myself. And on beginning to break free, I am beginning to learn how to act in my own interest.

    Deeply rooted anxieties and a severe lack of relational skill have come to the surface. A net negative self-worth has come to light. Victory over porn is the victory of ceasing to hit yourself on the head with a hammer, only to realize you could have spent the last twenty years using that hammer to build your house. I am not saying it isn't a victory. I am saying the victory of ceasing to blindly self-destruct pales in comparison to the victory of skillful self-creation.

    I am 38, unmarried, without children, with few friends, and earning far less than other men my age. Those are the things I aim to change. My personal definition of success is one of family and social influence. Wealth is part of that. Wealth I have earned on my own. A family I have created by attracting people into my life that are truly beneficial. People who are patient and understanding. People who know what it means to be happy and free. People who value me and what I offer. I must become that which it is I want from others.

    The habits of mind that I allowed to fester so that I could maintain my pornography addiction are the real problem. I am beginning to see how deep those habits go, and how much damage they have caused. Change is painful, but the right kind of change is worth every ounce of effort. And having started down this path, there is no turning back.

    I am 60 days porn free for the last time.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 4, 2021
  2. Wow this is some impressive achievement! Good job dude.
    I agree 1000%. :)

    -J29
     
    HelperX and Buddhism Is True like this.
  3. InnerMan

    InnerMan Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations! I love what you said in the quote above. By not watching P, you're allowing yourself to feel the sting of those failures and to then use that pain to work towards a better you.

    I see in your counter that your goal is no porn. If you haven't already, your next step should be no masturbation. That will help you level up even more.

    All the best and keep going!
     
    Buddhism Is True likes this.
  4. I really appreciate it. When I start to see how masturbation is holding me back I will start working to build a life without it. Right now it is a necessary crutch, or at least it seems as though it is. I will think on why. Part of it is learning self-control. Part of it is the need for release. But I suspect you are correct.
     

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