60 Days

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by wylie79, Aug 2, 2016.

  1. wylie79

    wylie79 Fapstronaut

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    (Also posted in my journal)
    I've made it 60 days without P, M, or O. It feels great to reach this point. I haven't mentally edged or looked at any escort ads since before my last post. I'm surprised that I haven't been horny at all. Of course, I still think women are beautiful and check them out, but I've noticed that my appreciation is a bit less lustful and more of taking in the whole package.
    No PMO has been great for making better use of my time. Porn just sucks up so much time when you feel like there's nothing else to do, and masks the fact that a lot of more important things are missing from your life.
    I've also noticed that my flaccid penis is generally bigger and less "shriveled up" than it was during the days of frequent masturbation.
    I'm still in the middle of the most difficult transition in my life. I left an old career (that I have no interest in continuing) in a town where I was respected and knew a ton of people. I moved to a new city and am living in a sibling's house at 37 years old, and am pretty much broke after the move. I lost a great girl. I'm attractive, look very young for my years, and am athletic - but because of my situation I don't see myself being a viable dating prospect for the foreseeable future. I do finally have a job prospect, so that is a confidence boost even if it doesn't pan out.
    All I can do is keep working on my life plan and make myself a better man. I'm glad NoFap is here as a tool to help establish discipline and growth in my life.
    Here's to another 30 days (in all likelihood still in Hard Mode, haha). Thanks for reading!
     
  2. ivanhoe

    ivanhoe Fapstronaut

    I just hit 60 days Sunday and I notice the exact same thing - I am also not 'anxious' anymore if i don't get 'aroused' or have to come home and 'get off' on what i saw.


    having been in similar situations over the years, I would say don't let that get in the way of dating - as long as you're on the ball and not a man-boy -in-the-basement-playing video games... it doesn't bother women.. at least the ones worth pursuing.
    Also, when you do present your 'story' make it like an adventure (because, after all that's what it is!) "I was good at what i did but tired of what i was doing and and said, hell, I am starting a new life.... or something like that... you get the picture :)

    Anyway congrats!
     
  3. wylie79

    wylie79 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the encouragement and advice, @ivanhoe. Congrats on your 60 days!
     
  4. BushidoWarrior

    BushidoWarrior Fapstronaut

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    You're doing great. Keep up the awesome work, and embrace the struggle!
     
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  5. seadoo54

    seadoo54 Fapstronaut

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    great for you ! I wish nofap was here years ago
     
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  6. Axl X.

    Axl X. Guest

    Excellent work, man! Keep it up. I can relate - living at home in my late 30's & actually just went through a training program in a new field (only to realize that this 'new field' was just not for me). On a positive note - I do have some prospects for work in the old field & not at super - low / entry level. Anyway, as far as fear goes - I am not sure if you dig 12-Step Stuff, but if so, I would look up the "12 Promises of SLAA / SA" (probably the same as AA as they were modeled after it). Keep fighting the good fight!
     
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  7. chaoyiyun

    chaoyiyun Fapstronaut

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    Congrats ! I just hit 18 days today ! 60 days are wonderful ! Wish you good luck !
     
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  8. ukkometso420

    ukkometso420 Fapstronaut

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    I notice this on long streaks as well. Is it awesome or what :D
     
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  9. wylie79

    wylie79 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks @Axl X. and @Sruff - the encouragement means a lot. Nice to know there are good people here trying to better themselves while life is challenging instead of coping with PMO. As Red said of Andy Dufresne, " [he] crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side."
    I think that's what we're all after. It's certainly how I feel about getting the upper hand on depression.
    All the best on your journeys.
     
  10. iceman40

    iceman40 Fapstronaut

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    This is the real truth. If we focused on positive side of life with the amount of time we spent on the internet looking for the "perfect" scene, we all would be very happy, successful, and have the most amazing life ever!!!
     
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  11. iceman40

    iceman40 Fapstronaut

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    I have had a little experience with the 12 step because I used to go. In my opinion, it's religion based and the majority of the guys are married. I'm single and non religious and thus did not feel it there. I cannot say anything bad about them because they are in the same boat. I think you should give a shot for a month to see if it helps you or not. If something helps you stay with it and if something does not move away from it.
     
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  12. Axl X.

    Axl X. Guest

    Yeah, I can hear ya Iceman.....I, too, am single. And the only 12 step program real close is the strictest & what I would consider to be the most religious based. I have always - not only in life but in the context of 12 step groups - felt weird being single.....especially when I was definitely not deprived of relationships or sex earlier in life (though though I must say from my angle, sadly, the sex dominated the relationships); now it's been a really long time since I've come even close to dating feel phobic / completely out of touch. I don't feel like I need to have a girlfriend, but I do want one. Online dating has always been about sex & socially things aren't very active...sorry man, just frustrated. I feel like there is no pleasure in life without fapping off, pron, or sex - which I know is addictive thinking. I feel like I've been trying to unfuck myself for years, only to be more fucked up?
     
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  13. chaoyiyun

    chaoyiyun Fapstronaut

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    Yes, Porn waste too many time .
     
  14. seadoo54

    seadoo54 Fapstronaut

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    I'm divided , I want someone in my life , but I also need my own space ?
     
  15. Oneness

    Oneness Fapstronaut

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    You are a true inspiration my friend. I agree, porn really stunts your evolution as a human being. We can indulge our carnal nature or rise above them.
     
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  16. wylie79

    wylie79 Fapstronaut

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    @Axl X. It seems like your taking steps to make significant improvements in your life. I think the key is to become comfortable with oneself, do things that create tangible gains (money, experiences, confidence), and not rely on others or what others are thinking for validation. Then, when a relationship with a girl worth dating happens, keep working on yourself and avoid sliding into complacency. I know this is not easy - I'm at the beginning of this process. NoFap is a way to open up doors and to keep moving forward, and to keep you from using sex to mask deeper problems. I read the 12 promises and they are getting at a similar point.
    I relied too much on my last two relationships to provide validation in my life. The first one was really toxic and I was too naive and inexperienced with long term relationships to realize that I should have bailed much sooner. I made mistakes like moving in together, buying important things together, and taking all our vacations together. Our sex life was pretty much dead for the last few years of the relationship and I relied on porn and eventually cam girls to get off.
    My last one was much, much, healthier. Great sex, low-key, and kind of a slow burn to start. Eventually I started experiencing problems in my life outside of the relationship and dumped my problems on my girlfriend (constant venting and being depressed). She went from looking up to me and being crazy about me to shutting down because of my negativity. It hurts and I still get angry, but I can only blame myself.
    I really want an intimate partner and someone to have fun with, but I'm realizing I have to get my shit together and improve my outlook to be successful at it. That may take awhile.
     
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  17. We're in the same boat. I'm not getting into another relationship until I'm ready. Had a couple of opportunities with two really good girls but I felt I wasn't anywhere near ready. For once in a very long, this is my time to get myself where I need to be both physically and mentally. It's going to take time and patience, but we'll get there. We've got this under control.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 4, 2016
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  18. iHappy

    iHappy Guest

    This!
    When one looks, he can find beauty in every women. Before I started this whole NoFap things woman's were only objects and nothing more. Not to mention how high mine standards were.

    Congratulations :)
     
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  19. Axl X.

    Axl X. Guest

    Thanks Wylie79! I respect & frankly agree with everything you said...it really speaks to me. I guess I have a new (new, old?) problem & leaving me very confused. I'll provide a little back story. I long time ago, I saw a therapist for sex addiction who indicated that he thought my chronic relapses were due to unresolved issues / trauma related to being adopted (mind you I was adopted well before age 1 & my parents have been a gift from God). Needless to say, I work indirectly in the Mental Health Field (hope one day to be sane enough to work directly) & one of the key approaches / therapy models is Trauma Informed Care. I now believe that I experienced trauma as a child during the crucial 'formative years.' (most likely not at my parents' hands - the only thing I think I could see which I think is a stretch - would be very low-level emotional neglect). What I mean is my father is like a lot of fathers in that he is not one to show a lot of affection, emotion. However, he was always there for me & by no means ever resorted to corporeal punishment, or the like. I digress. Has anyone had to work through trauma with a therapist (that might share what it looks like & if it helped a great deal)? Has anyone been told something similar by a therapist, that they have some kind of unresolved issues/ possible emotional trauma that is perhaps why they are a chronic relapser? Also, just to throw to put it all out there -- after reading the book "always turned on" -- I came away with the message that treatment for a sex addict must be with someone with a CSAT (cert. sx addict. therapist). I don't know what to think of that now; my current therapist definitely does not have that training, nor am I in an area where I could easily locate one. Also, this is really drawing this out but I have to ask: if I need to work out deep-seated emotional issues / traumatic events - in order to stop the chronic relapsing - & am a sex addict does this seem to obviously suggest then I must find a CSAT therapist in order to work through these issues? Sorry so long. I appreciate all views, do not wish to offend anyone, & wish everyone a solid-healthy recovery!
     
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  20. wylie79

    wylie79 Fapstronaut

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    @Axl X. I've seen a few therapists over the years, mostly for depression/anxiety and possible ADD. I guess the trauma in my life was being bullied during my 7th-9th grade years. I was small and emotionally/socially behind for my age. I've always just talked things through with therapists and never really dove deep to directly confront bad places in my past. I've mostly dealt with where I am at and where I'm going. The one thing I have never mentioned to a therapist is PMO. The shame and embarrassment runs deep for me there.
    I don't know much about your situation or the type of therapy that might benefit you the most. I don't think you need a sex specific certified therapist as all addictions are rooted in a similar place. Of course, I am no expert.
    I have read several places that the most critical developmental years are birth-3 and that 95% of the brain is formed by 6. If something happened before your first birthday, that was during the most crucial time in your development. What has helped me the most is getting life experiences that force me to confront my fears and anxiety. It sucks, but the cycle of getting "back on the horse" really works wonders for your self esteem. That, combined with following a deliberate code of discipline (like NoFap, but that's only one piece), is more important to becoming the whole person you are meant to be than cracking a secret from your past and talking it through with someone. That helps, but like NoFap, it's just another piece in the puzzle.
     
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2016

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