61st day and I really want to watch P

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Trips, Dec 21, 2017.

  1. Trips

    Trips Fapstronaut

    Hi everyone,

    I'm on my 61st day now, which is a record for me. Never before did I even come close to this number.

    I'm at a weird state right now. I'm not sure if abstaining from P and M for so long is healthy for my body. I haven't had a night involuntary ejaculation, nothing. Is that normal? Isn't it unhealthy to keep dead sperm inside for so long?

    Another thing is that for the first IDK how many days, I constantly felt progress. I felt I was getting better, improving. Now, I feel for the second week or so as if nothing was progressing any further. Is that normal too?

    And lastly, ever since going clean, I never felt a stronger urge to go back to P and M than now. Like the visuals from scenes I used to watch often are flashing in my head through the entire day and it wasn't like that during the first 30-40 days. And since I feel like no progress is happening, it's very tempting to go back and watch P.

    To be honest, right now, I feel I miss it and I want it back. Is this normal too? What happens next?

    thanks in advance for replies.
  2. vibemaker

    vibemaker Fapstronaut

    My Journal
    Hey buddy,

    everything you described seems normal too me. I experienced the same. I also had this phase in my first 90+ day reboot. It will pass... and when you get over it, you'll know why it was worth it.

    The phase you described lasted for me about 2 weeks (sometimes longer) maybe and it happend a few times during different stages. But everytime I passed this phase I felt totally euphoric. The progress you miss now will come at on point at hit you like a shotgun and you'll feel like newborn.

    It's not unhealthy and I'm sure you'll have a wet dream soon. If not, don't worry... you also leak semen with your urin.

    You're just in withdrawal my friend and it's important to be aware of the phase you're in, so you can keep fighting.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  3. Crimson Guard

    Crimson Guard Fapstronaut

    I think is normal. And about what you said, that if is healthy or not, I think everything is fine. I know a guy that stopped M and P for years, and.. trust me, nothing unhealthy for him :D
  4. When sperm gets old it gets absorbed into the body. It turns into important minerals that empower the brain and other things. So you don't have to worry about dead sperm.
    CTRL + DEL and vibemaker like this.
  5. Trips

    Trips Fapstronaut

    OK...any source on this?
  6. It would be beyond foolish of you to throw away 60 plus days of hard work and effort and all the good it has done for you just for ten minuets of porn viewing, what artificial, hollow pleasure that would be. Just keep in mind if you watch porn, after you are finished how utterly defeated and awful it would be to be back at day 0!!

    You can't expect all the amazing benefits to always be apparent and to see changes everyday- sometimes you will go through periods where you feel like not much has changed- it's normal- but don't go back to porn because one thing is for sure- any benefits you have now will be gone! Stay strong! Your brain is trying to get it's dopamine fix and you are starting to look for excuses to justify using porn again - don't let yourself be fooled.

    I'm on day 62 and I have not had a wet dream yet either (that I know of) so don't worry about that- just keep healing!!
    M.E.X., SwedishViking and vibemaker like this.
  7. Trips

    Trips Fapstronaut

    Yeah, yeah, thanks mate. I'm soldiering on. It is exactly the depression and feeling of utter failure I would feel after doing it that's holding me back. Plus, I'm determined not to relapse again, I'm just tired of failing again, again and again for years.

    But the addiction plays trick on one's mind as you say. I'm well aware of this. Any rational thought is pushed to the side and out of consciousness and only the image of excitement from P and M remains in the head. It's a trick, I know better now.

    You keep healing too!

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