620 days trans, sissy, cd porn

Hey Everyone

Today is day 620 on nofap but it’s been a bumpy journey, particularly recently.

I spent 2018 and 2019 doing my own version of nofap, I didn’t know it was a thing back then. I was just trying to kick the habit of edging for hours on end to trans, sissy, cd stuff. This would involve creating profiles in chat rooms and sexting others with similar interests.

All this whilst in a really good secure relationship.
My porn use definitely escalated into this genre, the main time coming around 2010 when I was in a rubbish relationship. My g/f at the time was cheating on me and we kept trying to patch things up….sex with her was amazing but everything else was bad. On reflection I don’t know why I put up with it. I used to spend hours online post another massive argument getting myself deeper into the porn hole.

2012 things got better and my porn use decreased, I met my now wife around then and I would be only be on porn 20-30 times throughout the year.
Trouble with this is that our sex life suffered a bit and the frequency reduced as I was getting my high from porn.
Fast forward to 2018 where I started tracking my porn use and really made a big effort to have longer breaks in between every porn session.
This worked and my relationship with my wife sexually got better again….I even proposed!
Then at the start of 2020 I had one massive PMO session and that was the point where enough was enough and I found this site.

620 days has at times been so difficult. I have looked at porn and I have found myself in a chat room during that time. However when that has happened I have managed to break the cycle and it doesn’t lead to PMO. I’ve been able to leave it. Sometimes I’m triggered to the max but still able to control things.

I used to find trans attractive and in some cases I still do but I see the man in them. One user on here said once ‘chicks with dicks or man with tits?’ I see the man with tits now.
Nevertheless this still doesn’t stop the occasional browse or quick fake chat profile.

This is the final hurdle for me. When I get over this phase I feel as if I’m done with it and can finally say I have total control over porn addiction.
One day I want to be able to masturbate again (only without porn) but there is no way I can do that until I feel totally in control.

The temptation always comes when I have time on my hands on my own. This happened about 3 weeks ago too. I have that for the next week so i am concerned about where I will end up. I know I need to kill the downtime and fill those empty moments (that’s why i’m posting on here today!).

I’m pleased that I have had the strength to get this far and had the time to recalibrate from what is an addiction to porn.

 

Thanks, very difficult to keep that guard up at the moment….all sorts of temptations coming my way! Managing to resist so far.

 

Ha - I wish it was me on the wave!