10 August. Day 7 of 7 almost done. Good day today. I didn’t have the low feelings for much of the day I’ve had others. One comment my wife made did get a reaction from me. My immediate response to criticism is to be defensive or explain away what I did rather then just saying my bad. It makes me feel bad and now I have that nervous, anxious feeling in my belly. Self development point for me. A productive counter point is to be better saying no and or asking for help. Not everything has to be done right away and I don’t need to please everybody all the time if it makes me feel bad in the end and doesn’t really please anybody. I dunno. Anyhow off to the next challenge tomorrow. 14 day challenge!
Good job for that first milestone and good luck for the next one. Very wise of you to be aware of your own automated patterns, to be able to act freely from our own egoic patterns and fear of others etc. is key to living a happy life in which we can clearly express ourselves without inside/outside coercion.
[ Day 1 of 7 ] Last night I barely slept due to the worst fight I ever had with a mosquito, woke me up then I couldn't find it, then it wouldn't die then it kept getting away and hiding and waking me up again etc. I was so mad and was thinking "Is this some sort of divine punishment for my actions today?" lmao. So I took a 2-hour nap today. Some cravings for food and coffee when I got up but my mind was made, then later the thought again: "Maybe just coffee is fine?" I know it's not, it's a stimulant, a drug, and it doesn't help with my OCD, I thought "If I indulge on only one thing, eventually I'll indulge in other things, and round we go". Best option is no weak point, no place for being pathetic. I've had a mild headache here and there and I'm assuming it's caffeine withdrawal and/or lack of sleep. But I'm fine, content with today and I'll most likely sleep really tight tonight. Snippet from an interview I watched today: "The world is in darkness, and a human being that has to transform himself, has to be a light to himself, and light is not lit by somebody else! [...] We haven't time to fool around any more, the house is on fire! At least I feel this enormously, that things are coming to a pass, we must do something, each human being. Not in terms of better housing, better security, more this and that but basically to regenerate himself." J.K
Day 1/7 complete. Lots of resets lately. I don't know why I've been slipping so badly but it's having a noticeable negative effect on my energy levels. I need to get this under control.
Day 2 of the 7 days challenge. I didn't fill this in yesterday because I was working and I slept excessively too. I figured that PMO makes me lethargic. I have agreed to sleep as much as I need to till I pass this phase.
Started going to therapy and starting this challenge again. I don’t trust myself to think this will be easy but I’m going to be active about this process. Day 0/7
[ Day 2 of 7 ] Good day today. Still a mild headache, it's been two days so I think by tomorrow it should be gone. Still pretty tired even though I slept 10 hours, I went running so I suppose I'll sleep well tonight too. I was just thinking how having a sense of purpose doesn't have to come from needing to accomplish some huge goal, but rather working on oneself is in itself a good enough purpose, changing one human at a time, doing what you can and what you know you have to do, starting here. It may also be the most important goal in life. Changing the world by changing each and every one of us, nothing external will bring change, but it sprouts from the inside out.
