7 days into breaking off 16 years of porn

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by superlateman, Jan 29, 2020.

  1. superlateman

    superlateman New Fapstronaut

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    Hello Fapstronauts,

    First off, this community is a Godsent, because right now it's helping me stay sane. So, thank each and every one of you;

    My story begins with taking magic mushrooms four months ago(I'm not advocating use of illegal drugs I'm just simply sharing my experience) It was a magical experience for me, that feeling off selflessness under influence of 3 grams of magic mushrooms, right at the time where I was at darkest and saddest, lowest point of my life; jobless, lost in habits that do more harm than good.

    Anyway a few days after that magical day, I quit smoking cigarettes; as the moment of typing this rant, it has been 121 days I stopped consuming nicotine in any form, ending 13 years of heavy smoking addiction; and It didn't stop there. Right after few days into my nicotine cold turkey, I joined gym and been going there 4 days a week like a clock; you can imagine how much change one must go through to keep up these two new habits; but to my own surprise and with help of books and any useful information, I have been very successful at bringing positive change in my life at age of 34.

    A week ago I thought to myself, it was high time I strike elephant in the room, my porn addiction, the one activity that could easily override my judgement and choice at any time it felt like. Anyway so I geared up mentally, watched some informative youtube videos and..there I was, facing another monster, only on the winning side this time

    The thing is, I am fucking going insane right now because I'm constantly thinking about most EXTREME images of porn my mind is drawing for me. when I woke up today my brain was replaying some images that was captured during "sissy training" videos. quick sequences of extreme pornographic images was constantly being played in my mind....and I finally woke up super fatigued, emotional and miserable.

    At the end of it all, I am damn proud of myself to have begun walking this road, if you are there too, you should feel proud too. this shit is harder than quiting cigarettes or even joining the gym for me.

    I also wish the images in my head would stop soon; I am a straight guy but I'm almost sure porn has caused some serious problems in my sexuality, I'm not arguing it definitely is the main reason though; thankfully you guys know how porn addiction works.

    I tried meditation but I feel physically and mentally ill to do so,
    Also, I have less power to use in the Gym, it's like my whole body is changing and on a rampage or a fucking strike.

    thank you for reading this rant
     
    The Free Bird, Anon117 and Sma123 like this.
  2. BeHappy

    BeHappy Fapstronaut

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    welcome!
    thank you for sharing, you have made a lot of great choices, keep going! and be patient.
     
    superlateman likes this.
  3. superlateman

    superlateman New Fapstronaut

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    Okay it has been 13 days and I never recall I ever cried this much in my entire life!

    I know I'm going through fucked up change and this is the only reason I'm simply "observing" my body freak the fuck out.
    I don't really know what I'm doing to myself is healthy, but my way of thinking is, if I last 90 days, new neuron path will have formed that indicates porn is not an option anymore.

    I'm miserably sad all the time but there's this tiny thread of hope back there I'm hanging on to. I'm desperately trying out new stuff just to see if I can get some joy.
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2020
    The Free Bird likes this.
  4. BeHappy

    BeHappy Fapstronaut

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    the first weeks are hard, but I think it much more sad all the time we have wasted by PMO.
    hope you get well soon!
     
    superlateman likes this.
  5. rca123

    rca123 Fapstronaut

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    I'm glad you're on your way out, and as you are just beginning your journey out of this; I would like to share with you a piece of advice that I kinda wish I had known like five years ago.
    Suppressing the thoughts and images makes your mind hypersensitive to them, and more likely to think about them.
    When they show up, try to acknowledge them without acting on them; and don't obsess over making the thoughts go away, you'll just make them stronger and it'll wind up leading you further down the sissy rabbit hole when you fail later. Drop the P and the M if you can, try to acknowledge the thoughts without suppressing them (they'll bleed out into your subconscious if you try to ignore them).
     
  6. Azzure

    Azzure Fapstronaut

    One day at a time. You’re making progress man. We all go through hard/sad times to appreciate the good/happy times. Joy will come. Keep that ‘hope’ alive.
     
    The Free Bird likes this.
  7. Limit Breaker

    Limit Breaker New Fapstronaut

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    Just began this journey too. Today as a matter of fact. I just have to, it's destroying me on too many levels. I'm glad we're all here. Indeed, this is a Godsend, thank Jesus. Phillipians 4: 13 says, 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me'. That's true. We all can. Keep up bro. We'll get there.
     
  8. rca123

    rca123 Fapstronaut

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    I started trying to acknowledge the desires, and I have broken a streak of avoiding it that lasted nearly 9-10 months. I don't feel like I'm at boiling point anymore. I don't know what to do, because when I started acknowledging the desires I was trying to bury I realized that I was trying to bury desires I wanted; and I felt like a hypocrite. As soon as I O'd I felt ashamed, but I was wanting more within a few minutes. I can't get out of this myself; avoidance just causes suppression, acknowledgement seems to cause acceptance. I don't want this to be my fate, and I don't want to lie to myself about it either. I'm trying to start with admitting the truth about what I desire, and I hope to God I can somehow stop desiring it eventually; but right now I'm stuck.
     

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