7 Reasons Why

I am coming back to NoFap after years away. Life has not gotten better during those years, but my addiction to fap has gotten worse. I read an article on controlling impulsivity that suggested making a list of the negative consequences of impulsive actions and referring to it whenever an impulsive urge comes over. I am trying this. I thought I would post it here, because I don't want it at home where someone could find it.

1. Getting caught! Never do it when anyone is in the house. Duh! But remember I could still be discovered by carelessness. It has happened before -- college roommates found my porn stash. Ex-girlfriend caught me at my computer with my dick out. One of the reasons she broke up with me.

2. Terrible productivity.
a. If at night, terrible productivity the next day. Up too late at night. Grogginess. Will not get anything done.
i. DON’T KID YOURSELF. I won’t get enough sleep even if I “try” to quit early. I will be at it until dawn.
b. During the day, will end up getting nothing else done all day.
i. DON’T KID YOURSELF. You will never get back to work.

3. Bad mood. Temper is short when I don’t get enough sleep. I will feel like a bad person/failure. I will act defensively all day.

4. Hate yourself. I feel like a terrible person. I will blame myself for not being able to control myself.

5. Perverse. Masturbating to porn the way I do is not normal or healthy. My taste in porn has become perverted. I am ashamed of it. I should be ashamed.
a. Reading and chatting about underage is never appropriate. Staying just this side of legal by not looking at real childporn is not enough. Fantasy. Roleplay. Cartoon sex. Just 18 porn stars. Whatever. It still feeds a sick preoccupation.
i. And do I really know the guys I chat with aren't just fantasizing like I am? Am I feeding their perverted interests in a way that could or does lead to harm to kids in the real world?
b. Creating fake porn profiles using real peoples' images without their knowledge is an invasion of their privacy. Even if I'm using published model photos. Even if the photos are not actually pornographic. I am harming them, even if they never know it.
c. I would be unable to explain what I am looking at to anyone who found out. Porn of young women, okay, maybe. But young men, trans, bondage, force, piss, humiliation, etc. My list is so long. I don't get turned on by anything "normal" at this point.
d. And it’s repetitive. Played out. Nothing novel about it. Different chats, images, videos, but in the end basically all the same. It's actually boring.

6. Relationship. This hurts my relationship with wife. I never feel like sex with her. I am distant in general.

7. Better ways to spend time. I have work, of course. Time wasted cuts into my earning ability. But even leaving aside the things that need to be done and are falling behind, I have plenty of things I enjoy doing. Even if these other things also waste time, I would still feel so much better about doing them instead.

 

Lent is suddenly upon us, so I'm setting it as a goal. I know this goes against my usual thinking that a long goal -- 40 days -- is setting to high a bar. It's setting me up for failure. But tying it to this religious season, and it's theme of penance and restraint makes sense. I've done it once before, a long time ago, with success. So I know it's not impossible.

Plus, I have a goal of improving my relationship in bed. I know that porn/masturbation is having an impact on my enthusiasm to have sex with my wife.

So, for a few good reasons, I am aiming for Easter. (On 7 days without porn already.)

 

@Robindale No, she has no idea.

 

@Robindale I really appreciate this advice. I have been considering how to go about this. I don't disagree at all that it would be worthwhile.